What is StayLDS.com to you? (What do you hope for?)

Right now, I am still kind of in shock. I don’t want to react hastily. I need to consider everything from all angles and resconstruct a whole new belief system that I am content with. This will obviously take some time.

These are wise words LYN. You are right, it will take some time and effort. I commend you for not jumping to any rash conclusive actions, I think we make better decisions when we take our time. By mentioning “green” it sounds like you have recently experienced the ‘disorientation’. From my experience it takes some time for the “dust to settle.” My crisis happened in early 2007, and only in the past several months have I felt like I have a true desire to be united again with the church. (I spent a good amount of time initially trying to uncover all the ‘facts’ around church history.)

The words of Richard Bushman have helped me a great deal, I hope you can find some of his material. I also realized for sanity sake I needed to ponder everything I hear in church in a metaphorical context, thinking about what figurative meanings I could find. This has become a fun and fruitful exercise that I would recommend to everyone who finds themselves in this position. I am starting to get a sense that some things will eventually bear more spiritual fruit, and meanings may grow beyond the strictly figurative, but I can’t think of any good substitute initially than to look at everything with a metaphorical view. Follow your heart, don’t be afraid to embrace believing what your inner self really believes. Nothing else will be as productive in your personal growth. Before we can take a next step we need to establish our equilibrium where we stand NOW.

I don’t know much of anything these days except that I feel kind of like I was such a sucker to believe all that I did.

I think we all experience these feelings as well – it is to be expected when your whole world view is turned upside down. Don’t get down on yourself, open yourself up to a new exploration. It sounds like this is what you’re doing already. I feel like all I can say is “welcome to the journey!”

As far as WHY, everyone will have their own reasons. I find my personal reasons changing over time. At first it is to remain connected to family and the sense of community that the church has. I think those are worthwhile.

I’m glad you found us, I hope you’ll stick around as we get this place rolling!

Thanks for your post Ray, many things you say resonate with me. I for one certainly see your path as legitimate, even though presently I may not understand all the details of it. I also value the individual, (as it sounds like you do) and believe each person needs to learn their ‘truths’ in their own unique way.

I hope for a site where people want to become more than they want to know – even as they want to know and want to learn to reconcile intellectual concerns.

Thanks for this comment, I have always wanted to grow intellectually. I for one want to learn and know much – but I also feel that I want to become even more. Thanks for bringing this out for me.

The three important features of StayLDS that differentiate it in the “market”:

1. The information is public and available to anyone who comes to this site. They don’t even have to become an active participant or register. They might get all the help they need just following along in the conversations of people with similar questions.

2. The site is open to people using pseudonyms to mask their real life identity. I hope this allows a larger audience to feel comfortable participating, especially since it is open to the whole internet public.

3. The explicit mission of StayLDS.com is to help people stay in the Church — to integrate back into the faith community. That is the baseline assumption here. This encompasses a different group than some other sites that also have open and frank discussions about Church doctrine and history.

I was looking for something like this site, and am so happy to have found this forum. My spiritual foundation was rocked while searching for my feelings about the furor around Prop 8, and I needed a place where my pro-LDS spiritual views would be supported and encouraged while still looking at hard issues with an open mind. Thank you for creating such a place.

I hope that StayLDS.com will be a place for open, fair, kind discussion, and that I can learn how to make my way in this new mindset that I’m frankly a little nervous about. I had absolutely been feeling that my feelings about the gospel were either/or (either it’s 100% true, or it’s 100% false), and loved the essay posted that talked about the different ways we can perceive our religion.

Thank you for your frankness, openness, and especially your optimism.

a ‘reunion’ of sorts with the Church. Personally, I see this reunion as more than simply ‘going through the motions’ or a body-in-the-bench type of activity in the church. To me, if I truly STAY, that connotates a meaningful relationship, not a hollow ‘empty’ one.

Orson,

I think your opening post, and the words above in particular, express most effectively what I hope for. Most importantly, you in your post avoided the big phrases that are turn-offs for me:

-“Rebuild faith in the church”. No, thank you.

-“Struggling with faith”. Not really.

I like the idea (dare I presume and dream?) of Fowler’s stage 5. And without a doubt that is where I would like to be headed. I just think the mission of the site will be best served by expressly avoiding any hint that we are about bringing people “back” to faith “in” the church. Possibly to a “new kind of” faith in the church. Or possibly “back” to “joy” in the church. But never back to faith again in the church. (Not that there isn’t some truth in that. I just feel strongly it isn’t effective.)

I hope it will not be a vent and gripe site, even as honest concerns and issues are discussed.

I actually hope it will be a safe place for venting and griping, with encouragement to do better, and with an expectation of courteous reverence. Those who need this site most sometimes will vent and gripe.

Somebody said that in different moods we may participate at exmo, FLAK, or NOM. But for me at least, my ideals point me straight away from Recovery from Mormonism past FLAK, and even slightly past NOM. I am hoping that StayLDS has the open arms of NOM combined with the circumspect manner of Sunday School, Priesthood Meeting, or Relief Society. After all, we haven’t rejected our church. We just see it differently now.

I hope for a site where people want to become more than they want to know

Indeed. I hope this too.

For me it’s a place to vent without encouraging a lot of anger or bitter-talk from others. I see that on other sites where one person’s concerns spawn multiple rants on the topic, with no productive or even positive counterpoint tolerated.

I see it as a place where you can get some ideas about how to cope in the Church after it’s stopped being a positive force in your life, but feel you can’t leave it for some reason — either testimony, family expectations or otherwise. And without the ostracization, loss of status, or denial of opportunity you face when you share concerns at the local level.

Ideally, I’d like to see people who come here (like me) leave it and return to a happy, enthusiastic life in the Church eventually.

One thing’s for sure, it seems that participation here is like home teaching the way it should be — without pressure to change anyone, getting to the HEART of the issues that are REALLY on people’s mind. I think someone who guides and responds to people with concerns here is doing more for that person than the home teacher who shows up and gives the FP message. Programmed, scriptued visits like those may well CUT OFF meaningful communication with the home teacher by making the visit appear stilted, traditional, and pro-establishment. Here at least, you can get to your issues right away. Strange how the Internet has made strangers closer friends than face to face acquaintances.