My Calling

This comment may be totally irrelevant, so take it for what it is worth. I grew up in an area with few church members (we had six high schools in the same branch). Our seminary teacher was someone who had a lot of struggles, but as kids in his class we really didn’t perceive it. He was open to our questions, and he enjoyed his time with us. He just cared about us and listened to us. Not long after we graduated from high school, he left the church because he was having an affair. His wife also left the church after a few years to marry a minister of another faith (she was one of our YW leaders).

None of us kids cared whether he had a rock-solid testimony. All he did was facilitate discussions anyway. We just liked him because he liked us and listened to us, and he had a great sense of humor. We were sad he left the church, but he was still a positive influence for us.

I think I understand a little about what you are feeling, and all I can say is to look deep within your own soul – then do what you feel is right. Some people need a little personal time at different points in their life, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. I’m all for stretching yourself in the service of others, but only you know if you’re being asked to run faster than you have strength. Earlier this year I personally resigned as a home teacher, and I didn’t really have a calling (I do a small administrative ‘behind the scenes’ duty that I’m fine with) – for me at the time it was the honest thing to do, I didn’t feel I could represent the church in any official function. For me it released tension and allowed me the space I needed to rethink a lot of things. Today I think I’m close to accepting another HT assignment, and moving forward with a fresh start.

I hate to give the impression that stepping back can help you move forward, ultimately we all have to admit that doing the right thing for us is the right thing to do. I’m sure you’ll make long term progress in your journey however you go about getting there. Just make sure you take care of your personal needs so you don’t self-destruct along the road. Some people can slow the pace to catch their breath while others need to sit for a minute and rest.

Can you love them and help them learn to love each other and others?

Also, have you asked your Bishop point-blank and sincerely if he believes you were called by inspiration or desperation or assumption?

I don’t have any advice on this one, Mike. Whatever you decide, however, don’t run away from a chance to learn that the Church isn’t about you. OFTEN, the person who is called into a position isn’t the perfect person for the calling; often they are the only person, faults and doubts and difficulties notwithstanding. I know my wife stressed out regularly as the YW President, but I also know in hindsight that nobody else in our ward could have reached three of the YW – and all of her stress was worth saving those three girls.

How did their leaving the church affect you? Did you look back and say, “What a liar!”? I sometimes think about this and wonder if I just walk away how will it affect all the youth that I’ve worked with over the past 13 years in this ward.

I never thought “what a liar” about that guy. I just thought it was too bad their family went through divorce and that they weren’t doing that well with the church. We were initially surprised, but then in retrospect maybe not. It just was his own personal matter. I still love that family. They are great people. His daughter is my age. When I think about her dad, he was just funny and personable and awesome. I don’t really remember his testimony or his religious feelings, but he really related to the kids. His son found cigarettes in his car once, and we all talked about it, but we just said, “oh, that sucks you found those in your dad’s car. What are you going to do about it?” I really don’t think anyone ever judged him for it. I can’t recall anyone who did. We were in a small branch, and everyone hung together. People got ex’d sometimes. People got offended and quit coming. We always just tried to help people do the best they could.

I think you should try to be an example to the kids. Even if you have doubts, it doesn’t mean that you can’t teach them about being kind, values of service, valuing family. And have fun. Don’t go over-the-top with it, have fun. I think it sets a bad example to do too much with it and ignore your family. Teach them healthy time limits on a calling. In RS, we had a pres. who worked full time and had 7 kids. She was the best RS pres., because she was sweet, humble, and did all that she could. She was not overbearing and excessive like some women in leadership callings can be. She did not laminate magnets for every lesson or make crazy centerpieces for RS or nag people. She was just simple and sweet.

I had a favorite gospel doctrine teacher who cheated on his wife and embezzled from his company, and was subsequently excommunicated. It did not affect my testimony. He still was the best GD teacher. At the time, I was shocked and couldn’t believe he was excommunicated. Now, I still think what he did was inexcusable, but I view him with a different light. Maybe if he had just left the church, he wouldn’t have felt so trapped and gone as far as he did. I honestly think he was a decent guy, who knows what pushed him over the edge.

For me the opportunity to serve is one of the main reasons I stay. That being said, I am very much an advocate of serving on your own terms. I have always been an unorthodox mormon and have said no to certain callings. I was involved in young mens for years and found that to be the best place to serve. It was easy to teach christ centered lessons. I was able to develop real friendships with the boys. I like to think that I was a positive influence on their lives outside of the church. My focus was to make them better people and to use my experiences to help them through the difficulties of high school. As far as helping them prepare for a mission I would just tell them the only thing they needed to do to prepare was give service to other people and be nice and tolerant to others. Those were pretty easy concepts to teach and reinforce as an unothordox mormon.

I strongly believe that callings are an important part of staying LDS. Not only do they keep you connected, but they provide the opportunity to serve. I have been the gospel doctrine teacher for the past 3 years. I have taught the class in a very christocentic manner. I find that on the days I do teach I generally enjoy church. One reason is that I have sacrificed my time in preparing the lesson (like GDteacher, I spend a few hours preparing). The other reason is that If find I generally like most of the people in my ward. I find the comments during Sunday School sincere and well thought out. I also believe I can be part of the solution or part of the problem. I told my Bishop years ago about my concerns with church history, church dogma, and other things at the onset. He wasn’t concerned and said that Gospel Doctrine needed my perspective.

The callings I’ve had over the past 10 years (young mens and sunday school) haven’t done anything to strengthen my testimony of the church or its leaders, but they have enabled me to get to know and associate with good people. In the interest of full disclosure, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to keep this up. I don’t think I’ll be able to teach Doctrine and Covenants and am not sure what else I’d be willing and/or able to do.

@JustMike

This is a very hard decision. It has been my experience also that there is very little praying going on when it comes to deciding callings for the members by the ward leadership. There is way too much significance given to what title/calling a person has as opposed to whether or not the calling is the best thing for that person in their lives at that time. Since the church has pretty much done away with the social aspect of church, like dances, dinners, road shows & the like, everyone now just works all the time so nobody really knows anyone anymore. We are a church of strangers. The social issue is another subject entirely, so I don’t want to go too far off topic, but I think it does contribute to what we experience when we are chosen for a calling by our ward leadership.

There is also an issue of what calling is important enough to pray about, since a Bishop can’t pray about all callings. Where is that line? Presidents? Clerks? Councilors? Teachers? Hmmm. Instead people like a Bishop make a judgement call AS A MAN about a person’s capacity to perform a calling along with where the ward has openings and as such is capable of making a bad decision or vice versa. What is their criteria? Are their assumptions correct? Etc. Etc. Young Men’s President is an extremely involved calling as you know: You are President of the Young Men. You are the Priest’s Quorum Advisor. Depending on your ward, you may have Scouting requirements. There’s Youth Conference, Temple Trips, Firesides, BYC meetings, etc. etc. A lot is being asked of you when you accept this calling, so be sure you a) know what you are getting into and have the resources to do it b) that you really REALLY want to do it.

Since you feel that nobody knows your unique situation better than you do and since nobody is praying about your calling and how it improves you spiritually, it is incredibly important that you do so yourself. This is truely where personal revelation comes in. If you are uncomfortable praying–that’s ok. There have been many times in my life where praying about something for various reasons wasn’t an option or I just couldn’t seem to get answers. So in that case, make your best, most logical decision based on what’s best for you, best for your family, what you feel you can do and what you think Heavenly Father wants you to do at this time. Do not allow the Bishop or any leader to influence you, ESPECIALLY IF they didn’t pray about your calling in the first place. “No” is a perfectly acceptable answer, should you feel that is best for you. Another calling will eventually come your way and it might be a good idea to tell the Bishop what you think you can do, if you feel comfortable enough doing so.

Most importantly JustMike, whatever your decision…be at peace with it.

Sincerely,

Lark.