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Hi all! I’m glad I stumbled on this site. The positive community feeling is safe and inviting. Thank you for creating this forum!! To briefly introduce myself and share my story: I’m a 27-year-old member…raised in a strong LDS home…returned missionary…married in the temple…mother of one. And I’ve always had doubts, as far back as I can remember. I used to hate myself for them. Historically, I’ve been a bit of a perfectionist and assumed my doubts were because of some inherent unworthiness that disqualified me from having more sure access to the Spirit.
Well, the other day, I found myself questioning yet again the validity of our founding stories–specifically, the Joseph Smith story. I began praying, and I finally mustered the courage to tell God I didn’t believe it. (Despite my many doubts, I do have a strong belief in God and Christ–though I don’t feel I understand who/what they are very well.)
I thought I would be crushed. But admitting it out loud–and to God, no less–was one of the most liberating moments of my life. I felt a sense of overwhelming peace wash over me, like: it’s okay; it’s okay to be where I am.
Now I’m just trying to figure out what to do with this new information.
I didn’t know you could function as a Mormon without a conviction of your own “rightness.” But the peace I felt upon finally being honest with myself, coupled with the stories I’ve read on this board, make me think I can. Like many on this board, I feel a strong “tribal” connection with my Mormon brothers and sisters; a connection I feel compelled not to abandon. Besides that, my husband and I were married in the temple, and I don’t think it’s fair for me to pull the rug out from under him. What’s more, the fact that I don’t fully believe everything about the Church does not mean that I DIS-believe it necessarily. The truth is, I have no idea if this stuff is true or not. Not a freakin’ clue.
Anyway, I’m here hoping to gain some insight as to how to navigate these tricky waters. Look forward to interacting more with all of you.
Best,
Katie Langston
“Not a freakin’ clue” is a great starting point, Katie. It’s much better, imo, than the alternate black-and-white extreme of rejection to which many people swing. Welcome!
Welcome Katie I loved your comments about coming to peace with God. I think that is a much more stable and clear framework to make decisions. You are indeed ok. You have doubts because you think about this stuff. I feel like it is how I am wired. I couldn’t help it if I tried. God knows that. I hope you find our community to be supportive, and I look forward to hearing more from you.
Blessings to you, Katie. I saw a bumper sticker today that said “Ignorance is the world’s greatest problem” or something like that, and I thought, “No, Certainty is.” Quote:I saw a bumper sticker today that said “Ignorance is the world’s greatest problem” or something like that, and I thought, “No, Certainty is.”
LOVE it! I have a business mentor who says that the most dangerous person is someone who doesn’t really know what they know. (Or, rather, doesn’t know what they *think* they know.)
Thank you, everyone, for your kind welcome! I look forward to dialoguing with you further.
katielangston wrote:… And I’ve always had doubts, as far back as I can remember. I used to hate myself for them. Historically, I’ve been a bit of a perfectionist and assumed my doubts were because of some inherent unworthiness that disqualified me from having more sure access to the Spirit.
This is exactly how I have felt, although about twice as long as you. Similarly, I have admitted to God what I cannot presently believe. I think it is okay. Although we teach that we are all unique individuals, it seems as though we expect to have the same experiences, the same feelings, the same values, etc. I now see this life as an individual journey. There are many paths to God.
Nonny wrote:There are many paths to God.
I love this! (Probably because I hated it so much before my conversion five years ago.)
Welcome Katie! Welcome Katie! You sound like a dear kindred spirit, and I think it’s perfectly alright to have the feeling you do. We all do. I do at least.
Whimsey
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