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Hi All, Hope you all had a great Xmas.
Just wondering if any like minds are out there?
I just came home from church, and as has been the case of late I am not in the best mood.
SM was actually fine content wise…mostly about Christ which was fine.
But I feel so weird.
Its like when I am at church and I am just sitting there etc…all the stuff that concerns me doctrine and historically seems to be in my mind again.
Im laying low right now, trying to process all the thoughts and feelings that are going through my head etc.
During the week I am actually dealing with it all okay as in essence I am living a happy life…I have a loving husband, a great family life etc. I feel really blessed…then comes Sunday. I do the right thing and go off to church with the kids….only then to be thinking during the meetings that I dont feel so great about it all…and then I start to wonder “why am I doing this????”
HOpefully this is just a phase.
For some it is a phase. For others, it marks a transition in life. The path is for you to decide. If you want to stay LDS, you may need to get to the point where you just disregard some of the offensive stuff and accept mythologically some of the stuff that has value. I would suggest renting or buying one of the two Joseph Campbell video series on myth, “The Power of Myth,” or “Mythos” (with Susan Surandon (sp?)). For me, understanding the church in the context of myth, helped be greatly in blowing away the chaff and retaining the grain in a metaphorical sense. Another thing that was extraordinarily helpful was reading James Fowler’s book, Stages of Faith. It truly helped me understand my own spiritual journey and where other friends and family were in their journey. It gave me understanding, sympathy, and a forward looking path. It helped me to understand that it would be highly unlikely that my wife would ever change, and that it might be likely that my children would change if exposed to enough factual, outside information, not normally supplied to them at church. The change with my kids that I am seeking is not pushing them out of the church, but creating what I call “Eyes Wide Open” members of the church, comprehending myth and meaning and understanding what dogmatism is and isn’t.
Good luck on your journey.
That is interesting SallyM. I have kind of the opposite cycle, although not as intense sounding. It is hard. I feel for you. Maybe once a week or so (during the week), the thought runs through my mind how it would be easier to just quit and give up. That is how I see it for myself. I don’t want to make it sound like people who leave are quitters, you know that whole not being “valiant” line. I think some people make the right decision for themselves when they explore the path of leaving. I just get tired of the struggle sometimes.
I almost always feel uplifted going to Church. That is how my cycle seems opposite. I feel better afterward. It isn’t because I agree with everything. I feel rather disconnected a lot of the time. The people seem beautiful to me though. It helps me to see other people struggling positively in their faith, even though most of them don’t realize it. I don’t seem to get irritated and mad whem people are talking at the pulpit or as teachers even though I think they are off track. I think I feel more love and acceptance for myself when I can love and accept other people. The challenge makes this happen. It is a REAL challenge
Two examples from just yesterday at Church. The first was a lady giving a talk in sacrament meeting. The topic was prayer. She went on about her prayers being answered. She told a story of her car breaking down, saying a prayer, and people came out of the woodwork to help her fix the car. She talked about her great struggle to pray not to be angry at the Church because some gentleman in a ward in the past wasn’t nice to her. She also talked about angels appearing to her sometimes. She seemed like one of those people that might be just a little bit off. The hard thing for me is thinking of all the times my car broke and no angel came to fix it
I also got all riled up because they started talking about that all-or-nothing line of crud in GD class. People were commenting about how Satan will tell 3 truths to get 1 lie passed, and we shouldn’t tolerate any evil at all …
It is challenging to do, I know. It seems like the path of peace is to be able to listen to others and KNOW you don’t agree, but still feeling love for them. They are wrong, but I know that I am also wrong. By accepting my own lack of surety, I try to accept others. They may think they are right, they might exclaim with great conviction they are right and they “know” the truth, but they just haven’t gone to that dark place yet, that place where we learn to be uncertain and flexible. I have hope still in bright future. That painful process of dropping surety I hope is a process of becoming humble and open to better things in the future.
I enjoy Sundays largely because I really have no expectations, so I am pleased by whatever good I feel. There are lots of times when I don’t get much out of talks and lessons, but I’m not expecting to learn anything new or be spiritually fed – so it’s cool. However, other times I really am inspired and taught. For example, in Sac. Mtg. yesterday, a young couple spoke on “Focusing on Christ and Spiritual Resolutions”. It was awesome. The wife had been inactive for about 5 years; they have been married for about 2 years; the husband has been a member for 1 year; they were sealed a week ago. They both talked about the process of their efforts to “come unto Christ” and the resolutions that were required to change their lives – and it was incredibly touching.
Also, in HP group yesterday a former Bishop and a former Branch President (who now is the HP Group Leader) both said, essentially, “Even if I find out in the afterlife that the Church isn’t true, I really like how it makes me a better person.” Both statements were in the normal flow of conversation and only stood out to me because of other discussions in the Bloggernacle lately. The lesson was on Christian Courage, and someone mentioned how it takes courage for those who have been persecuted in the past to risk further persecution by defending others who are being mischaracterized and bad-mouthed –
“like in a church meeting when someone says something bad or wrong about someone of another faith”. He said, “We need to be willing to stand up for those people who aren’t there to defend themselves.” I wish every week was like that, but I am encouraged that sometimes the Gospel really does shine through and overpower the class.
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