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I used to like visiting teaching. A lot. I loved visiting with different people, especially when I lived in Brooklyn. I felt that I got to know a lot about life, and how different people view life. But now that I am back in Utah, well . . . For example, my last visiting teaching experience happened to be the week Twilight came out. I tried to read the first book, I did. It is not my style at all. So I am completely disinterested. Which makes me completely outcast in the VT conversation. All they talk about is losing weight and Twilight. Now, I need to lose weight, for health reasons. These ladies are my age, and much smaller than me. They spend at least 2 hours a day exercising, or so they say, and then they read their twilight books over and over again. Well, I work 9 hours a day, try to do a half hour of exercise, and read my text books. I feel like I have nothing to add. I do not want to be a snob, and want to be able to get to know people in my neighborhood. But more and more I find myself feeling like I have nothing to say that is worthwhile. Is it okay for me to ask to not be a VTeacher, or at least try a different route? I wish I had 2 hours a day to exercise, followed by an hour or two of fun fiction reading… I always joke that by the time I retire, I will be able to break cinderblocks with my mouse-clicking finger. I will be a shrivelled blob of a man with giant, super-muscle keyboard/mouse fingers dragging my aged body along the ground
To get more serious, I don’t do home teaching. I would like it. I really enjoyed it at times, but I have to be careful how much time I commit to Church activities these days. I spend too little time at home as it is, and quickly lose any and all support (peace) for Church altogether if I am not careful.
You are in a tough situation being so different than a lot of the women in your ward. That would be challenging.
I would say you’re the realistic one, they’re the ones being the snobs. I had a friend who had a similar problem when she lived in Utah. Everyone raved about the Twilight series and she hated it. I was out of loop, so to speak, with the whole Twilight book/movie scene, but decided to go with a friend to see the movie. I did not care for it very much, not my genre. Also, I am not in my 20’s anymore and couldn’t really relate to the relationships/story line. My friend gave me the first two books to read and I haven’t even made it to chapter 2 and it’s been a month. Now I’m reading Rough Stone Rolling. I know it’s difficult to relate to people when all they care about is what other people think of them. Get a real life ladies! Sounds like you work a lot and don’t really have much time leftover for visiting people you probably wouldn’t even be friends with if you weren’t assigned to them. Earlier this year I asked to be released from VT and was given a mail/letter route. This works much better for me and my schedule. If I were you, I would request a letter route until further notice.
Good suggestions. I grew up in a family that said “you don’t say no” but I have learned that I can to say no. However, I still struggle from time to time. I work a 40 hour week, but on a flexible schedule, so some days are long, others are not. It works well so I can have the time off for things with my daughter when I need it. These ladies I am sure I would not be friends with, if I was not assigned to them. They often turn the lesson, even when I am teaching it, into the joys of staying at home. Then they always say in a very condesending tone “oh, don’t worry, we understand YOUR situation, YOU are fine, it is all those OTHER selfish moms who CHOOSE to work”. I work with a lot of women. The only choice we make is the choice to feed and clothe our children, which means getting a job. I have yet to meet a woman who only works in order to get fancy clothes and pedicures. They may exist, but they are a lot more rare than my RS sisters want to believe. I think it will be best to ask for a letter route. Quote:Is it okay for me to ask to not be a VTeacher, or at least try a different route?
VTing is a hard one for me, too. Most of the leaders who make the assignments try to make a match based on geography or what they think your common interests might be. There’s no harm in asking for a change to your route. As to not wanting to be a snob – hey, be a snob! What’s wrong with being a snob?? They’re being snobs, too, in their way. Just be yourself. You can’t make friends based on someone you are not. It just sounds as though they aren’t that interesting to you on a personal level. Maybe you’ll find some common ground if you can get them to change the subject! Sometimes I just get someone to laugh to change the subject. My boss is a big-time cyclist, so when she starts talking about exercise I just say I get enough exercise beating my kids or that the only exercise I get is moving from the couch to the kitchen to get a bag of chips.
Quote:They often turn the lesson, even when I am teaching it, into the joys of staying at home. Then they always say in a very condesending tone “oh, don’t worry, we understand YOUR situation, YOU are fine, it is all those OTHER selfish moms who CHOOSE to work”. I work with a lot of women. The only choice we make is the choice to feed and clothe our children, which means getting a job. I have yet to meet a woman who only works in order to get fancy clothes and pedicures. They may exist, but they are a lot more rare than my RS sisters want to believe.
There is so much self-loathing in what they are saying. You don’t judge others because you feel good about your own life choices. You judge others because you feel insecure. It’s a pretty hollow way to feel good about yourself, really. Kind of sad.
Quote:I think it will be best to ask for a letter route.
Here’s a little secret I learned as the VT Leader a few years ago. The reporting is really just quarterly. So long as sisters get a quarterly in-person visit, all is well in Zion. I suggest doing an email or drop off on the other months if you can’t stomach these ladies!
Timely topic for me as just last sunday in SM I wrote my RS pres a little note requesting she not assign me a VT to visit, and asked that I not be assigned to VT anyone also at this point. She is not fully aware of my feelings, she knows that my dh has recently left the church. Anyway I just said briefly that I too was having some doubts and just want to lay low for a time so that I can think and process my feelings…and in the mean time I did not want to be teaching anything that I may not feel OK about anymore, nor do I wish to share my feelings with a lot of people of this point as I know how confronting it is to LDS members in general. I too have never been the usual RS woman. I do have 3 kids, but really I am not a natural MOther. I love my kids but I am not driven by domestic stuff at all. Thus I have always had other things going on…work PT (out of choice), have just finished my Masters etc….these keep me sane, and help me NOT turn into a wicked witch (but in school hols it can happen!!!!). I have had many other LDS girlfriends over the years see me anxious at times over an exam or assignment due etc…only for them to say something like “why do you put yourself through it when you dont have to?”…..I also am the most un crafty, un musical person you could met, so as my talents are mostly Computer, finance/money related, I do not normally gel with many of the RS women as I just am not geared that way. Mind you I love them, but just know I will never be soul mates with them. I also find many of their dhs are happy I am a little distant as many LDS males often find me a bit too direct…it makes me chuckle a lot at times!!!!
So in essence I would say go with the letter option, or just say no for now like I have. I havent had a response yet my my RS pres but I will let you know how it goes.
You can always ask for a change in companions or sisters you VT, it someone really gets to you. I had to do that once. Otherwise, just to try to love them as best you can for who they are. I think that the program itself is to be admired, that it perhaps is even inspired. I like the idea of watch care of each other as sisters and that it often works very well, at other times it completely fails for some reason, perhaps a miscommunication, who knows. I visit an older sister or two in my new ward, just to let them know I care as I have not got an official route as of yet. I am supposed to get one and some visiting teachers this month. I am sure they are praying over this. I will probably get some completely inactive sisters, which will be fine for me. I love to outreach to others. I was touched by reading Valoel’s way of home teaching his DoNot Contact list and that is what made me sign up for this site today. These programs can touch lives,when true charity is extended.
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