- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
I mourn the loss of my love for the church. I think I feel like one feels at the loss of a life partner after decades together. For about a year or so I have just felt like I needed to weep long and hard. But I have not yet wept. Bouvet is the most isolated island in the world. An icy uninhabited rock in the antarctic. That is how I feel right now.
All this is very strange for a hard driving successful business owner type A married father of 6 who has been in PEC in one capacity or another for nearly all my adult life. I currently teach Gospel Doctrine.
I hope this community will become a place I can find some peace. I frankly need help. I am considering inactivity.
I hope you can find some peace, and I hope this forum can help. wow man … what a poetic way to put it. Hi Bouvet,
Welcome to the forums. I know what you mean about feeling like you are Robinson Crusoe on some remote island. I feel for you. I don’t think I am going through this process the same way, but I have had those types of thoughts at times.
If it helps to know, it is possible to have love for the Church. You might end up back there again at some point. The shift is tectonic though. It feels like all of what you thought was solid footing and bedrock is shifting around. Perhaps I am going through it in reverse. I didn’t really have that passion for Church, except as a missionary. I feel like I enjoy it and love it more now after having my idealistic upbringing torn out of me.
Does that make any sense?
Anyway, I would love to hear more from you. Welcome to the community.
I can relate, to the deep sense of mourning, it was very painful for me. It truly is a process of grieving as it is a real loss. Hang in there, you will make it through and be all the better for it in the end as a person. Focus on Christ and turn to him and to God the Father, they will sustain you during this time. I Thank you all for welcoming me. I really appreciate it. It does indeed feel like mourning, I also identify with the feeling of loneliness. Things were especially hard for me during a period where I had told my wife but she hadn’t accepted that I really had changed my beliefs. We finally reached a point where we respect eachothers beliefs and it is much better now. But that was a very difficult time in the interim and nearly ended our marriage. Thankfully when it really came down to it the love was still there. The thing that has helped me the most wrt church is part of John Dehlins advice to try and shift perspective from whether the church is “true” to what about it is “good”, family, friends, positive influences.
Whether you decide to stay active, inactive or partially active, you can still choose to emphasize aspects of being part of the mormon clan that are good, and withdraw from aspects that make you uncomfortable (the “buffet” philosophy). I personally choose to go to sacrament and sit through sunday school with my wife most of the time, but generally skip priesthood.
Teaching classes can be hard after coming to certain realizations. One way I cope is to present things as “the church teaches…” or “the scriptures say…” or “the message from the prophet is …” e, I don’t feel obliged to try and give personal testimony or state things as if they were my personal belief.
For me, this process was like the detachment you feel when you see the flaws in your parents, and you begin to determine who you are independent of them. Eventually, in most cases anyway, you learn to love the good and set the bad aside or reject the bad while still honoring what they have given you. Clearly, it’s different if you have parents who are generally loving vs. if you have abusive parents, and/or your personal feelings may just differ – what is no big deal to one person is a huge issue to another. Your process of detachment and reconstruction will vary greatly depending on your personal experiences. Welcome indeed. I’m interested to hear more of your story. Don’t give up!! I lost my belief in Joseph, The Church and many other thing Church related but my testimony of Christ remained FIRM and led me to a greater peace than I have ever had. It also led me right back to a stronger belief in these same things that I would not accept previously. It brought me back to the Church that we love so dearly. Please read my other post and I hope it brings you some hope as well. There is no reason to feel guilty for having doubts and being offended by the actions of Joseph and many others. Let me know your thoughts- I have been there and there is a way back!!!
My3GirlsDad
Seeing things in a way that is different than those decades before can be lonely. Gratefully, there is more. More love, more peace, more unity, and more clarity. And if we believe we may Stay LDS, I suggest there is even more mission. In things that matter, more is good. Hi Bouvet. I’m new to this forum thing, but find it comforting to hear others struggle through trials and can come through it and find peace in the end. Despite everyone’s different situations, there are common themes and common tests we all seem to be faced with. Can I ask if you felt a sudden loss of love for the church or was it a gradual loss until one day you wondered where it went?
Obviously, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to. Just wonder if my situation is similar or not.
I’m sorry you’re mourning. I know there’s nothing I can do or say to ease the pain. Eventually comes numbness and lack of feeling; I’m grateful for that period of mourning.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.