- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
A few weeks back my DH (who has been inactive for many years) received a call from a member of the bishopric (someone we’ve known for 30+ years–formerly a stake patriarch). DH was asked if we wanted to have our names removed from the Church records–no “Hi! How are you doing?” was asked. DH was stunned and replied “of course not!”. I, too, was stunned & also a bit hurt by his question. Is this common practice in order to oust “undesireables” or “hanger’s on”? This really didn’t prompt my return to church, I must say, & actually I’m kind of put off by the question. Any comments? Hi, Normally you hear the total opposite case occurring (ie people have to request over and over and over again to have names removed etc)!
Maybe the BM was just one of those really organised types that likes to have things in a “finished” state or something. I doubt he meant to offend in anyway.
Its made me think a little though regarding if I was to leave would I want to go as far as to get my name removed. I would have to ponder it a bit I guess. I dont think I could automatically say NO, so I am not sure what that saids about me!
Anyway IMO your experience is not the norm, so just take it for what I think it was…just a simple inquiry.
Cheers,
This is only a guess, obviously, but you said your husband is involved in leading an anti-LDS group. Do you know if this is common knowledge – or if the leadership, at least, is aware of it? If so, maybe the question was an attempt to address that without having to take the step of a formal excommunication process. Seriously, if your husband is leading such a group, the question makes perfect sense.
As far as “custom”, I know of members who are much more “active” in offering that option to those who have requested absolutely no contact with the Church. In one ward a few years ago, the Bishop actually had to talk with one brother and tell him that he was only to find members nobody knew and not ask them if they wanted their names removed. It’s not standard, and I don’t encourage it, but I understand the inclination if someone has requested no contact – or if someone is working actively against the Church in some way. However, if your husband’s activities cause a formal action, you need to be very clear that you aren’t involved and don’t approve. Frankly, being even somewhat active would help.
First off, I want to make it clear that my DH isn’t involved with any anti-LDS group, nor would he ever consider it. I don’t know where that idea came from, but it is wrong,wrong,wrong! Anyway, thanks for considering my question. I do hope that asking people if they want their records removed is not a normal thing, in a situation such as ours. I do know that my DH is still a believer (as am I), but certain things have happened that have led to our inactivity. I’m sorry, marshnello. I mixed up your intro with happymom’s. My mistake. There is no church-wide program to weed people out. It’s probably just your BP acting on his own, doing what he thinks is right (note: what he personally thinks at that moment, not what is “right” in a broad sense). I have heard of this a few times. Just as an insight, I think some leaders get frustrated seeing all the names of people on their lists that are never in church. It stresses them out. They feel responsible. That may not be healthy, and it certainly isn’t their fault, but I think this goes through some people’s minds. So they come up with a solution in their mind — see if the person would just rather not be a member anymore. It’s this logical step in their mind. I don’t think it is anything personal. I don’t think it’s generally a good idea.
Don’t take it too personally. That is kind of what I am getting at rambling.
Valoel wrote:I have heard of this a few times. Just as an insight, I think some leaders get frustrated seeing all the names of people on their lists that are never in church. It stresses them out. They feel responsible.
.
ok this is gonna sound silly and maybe a bit like im angry/disappointed or something along those linesMAYBE I am a bit
but
I personally think that the local leadership need to do more with the people not attending church
I am having somewhat regular visits from mishies (ok for asking some basic stuff but not a lot of what i need to talk about) I am not on a DNC list
I have in my time in my ward had ONE visit from home teachers (in 19 months) they showed up unannounced and it was really not a good time, my wife was ill, we were just sitting down to dinner, which I had cooked after a day at work then coming home on the bus (which got me home 45 mins late) so as you can imagine I was a little flustered
They never came back
I have had one visit from my bishop which was invited (and this is the new bishop in my ward!)
I know that people are not perfect and they are busy they have their own families etc etc etc
I just wish that instead of phoning to say “do you want to be removed” the bishop in this case could have said
“hey weve known each other a long long time – can i drop by some time , no pressure just to drop by see how youre doing it would be good to see you”
Thankfully I have taken some iniative and my Bishop is coming over to talk with me about some of the issues that I have. I called and asked can you come over
i wonder how many people are out there, umm-ing and ahh-ing about going back to church that arent getting home teachers arent getting calls from anyone in the ward/stake
Fellowshipping REALLY is the only way to go
there are too many places that are only too willing to invite a new friend that would take people further from church
pubs, clubs, etc etc etc etc etc
Totally valid observations Magicmusician. The problem is time. Those are all time-intensive actions — spending time visiting people, getting to know them, staying in touch. There are a limited number of active people in every ward that make everything happen. There are 3 hours of meetings on sunday, 1-2 hours for weeknight activities for youth, meetings to coordinate and plan all that, time should be spent on personal spiritual enrichment (reading scriptures, etc.).
This is all done in people’s “spare” time, hehe, whatever that might be in today’s hectic world.
That is the background about people who are passionately doing all this service, spending all their spare time (like a Bishop), and feeling like they are spinning their wheels at times. It isn’t the best reaction. It isn’t the right reaction. But sometimes the thought crosses their mind … what if my worry list was just shorter? (i.e. remove names from the list).
I’m just trying to peek inside someone’s head and understand. Like I said, it isn’t a good solution. It would be better to meet everyone, show them love, and help them.
I personally deal with it by saying “no” and setting time boundaries. I do what I can to help, where I can help. I choose to make a difference in a focused manner where I feel I can make an impact.
There needs to be some fellowshipping. I think sometimes we have to make it clear what we want from others. I was having home teachers and visiting teachers come for a while and I enjoyed their visits but my DH would be really worked up after they came and I would end up in a big discussion about how brainwashed I was and how they weren’t doing enough. I finally told them that I liked seeing them but that it was bringing in more stress than it was relieving. They were understanding and meet me separately or call me every couple of weeks just to check how I am doing. The people in my ward have been great. I know there are wards where that is not what happens. I’m sad to see when people act like anyone who is not active is horrendously evil or something. We love having you here though Marshnello
Yeah it is sad that there are wards where it doesnt happen, like I say I have been going through a “ok so this wont change unless Ichange it so….
lol
Many of your replies have given me great insight into this problem. The comments on fellowshipping from others in the ward have given me reason to pause……I couldn’t tell you who our home teachers are or were in the past 10 years, even during the time when I was very active. The only time I see my visiting teacher is when I run into her at a store (yeah! Walmart & Target!). She always says “I’m a great V.T., aren’t I? Teehee!”, which makes me feel all warm & fuzzy inside! I do occasionally hear from a long-time acquaintance in the ward. BTW, we have been in the same ward for 33 years! We’ve never heard from the bishop or any other person, except for one woman who calls sometimes to get me to teach crafts for Enrichment (which I usually do). I know that a big part of the problem is with me, but I sure would like to know that we are still valued, and not thought of as someone who should be taken off church records. There’s also the possibility that he had heard from someone else that you wanted your names removed and he was calling to find out whether or not it was true. I don’t know the likelihood of that, but it sounds like one of the more plausible motives for such a call. Others need to reach out to you. Sometimes I get so caught up in my life that I don’t realize that there are others that need someone to reach out to them. I hope someone will reach out to you. It makes it difficult to keep a testimony when you don’t feel welcome.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.