reframing the restoration for a TR

Because of Dehlin’s essay, I have been able to reframe for the most part. Then I get caught up or the leader interviewing starts defining what it means to me and I get tripped up and last week got denied by a SP counselor, so I still have the recommend with no second signature.

I think the key is that you don’t have to accept anyone’s “reframing” but your own. IOW, that SP counselor can say whatever he wants, but if it’s not the text of the written questions then it’s HIS reframing that is the issue, not the Church’s guidelines. Now, I’d never tell HIM that, but that’s how I’d look at it myself. I would say to myself, “This good brother is not perfect enough to reframe the qualifications for temple worthiness on this own merits; therefore, I shall keep the interpretation and ‘reframing, if any, of the questions to myself, for myself, as I see it. Because this interview is about my beliefs and ‘worthiness’, not his”. And then respond to the question the way you reframe it. I think that’s reasonable.

I was made to feel that I had to accept JS’s First Vision in order to pass the question. … due to the feeling of that I cannot seem to balance out in my mind with integrity all the things that bother me or continue to deal with certain aspects of what is taught that I no longer fully trust in. I have to chalk it up as mystery. I do believe JS brought back some unique concepts that most didn’t know at the time and he was clearly well read or gifted to know or see things in the bible and understand them more than others of his day, so in a sense he did feel the office of a prophet.

I can believe things I can’t fully trust in.

Like in the movie Second Hand Lions. Part of Hub’s “What every boy needs to know to be a Man” speech, a response to Walt saying: “I don’t know what to believe in.” goes like this: “If you want to believe in something, then believe in it. Just because something isn’t true, there’s no reason you can’t believe in it. Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things that a man needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage and virtue mean everything; that power and money mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; that true love never dies. It doesn’t matter if they are true or not. A man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in.”

I actually quoted Hub in Sacrament meeting two years ago when giving a talk of being happy. Love that movie.

HiJolly

As I’ve said elsewhere, “Yes, I believe in the restoration of the Gospel,” is perfectly acceptable. If I had to reframe a response in an interview, I simply would state the question as an affirmative answer. Period. That’s all that is supposed to be required.

The SP was out of town until Sunday evening, so likely no communication from the counselor, but I think he might have called my bishop to see how that first part went after reading my e-mail. I went in there to meet with him with peace and with hope yesterday morning that I would be able to renew it and see my daughter do baptisms and my son married some day as he will likely get married in the temple. My daughter had told me that she overheard me talking to her grandma Friday evening about resigning and told me that she didn’t want us to do that for her sake and that she would be worried people would judge us and then judge her and she was just making friends in last 6 months there.

During the interview, with the 3rd question, the SP started deviating or making additional requirements from the question, asked more by redefining them. I had just done this in September, renewing my recommend. It was my fault, I suppose because I mentioned in the e-mail that my recently RM son didn’t think I should have one and so I quietly tore it up as I felt he was judging me. With that knowledge, he decided to dig deep, I guess. I asked him if he was even allowed to do this. Of course as he saw it as acceptable as he sees himself as the agent of the Lord, so I when he asked me if I thought JS was a prophet, I said yes. As far as being a basically good person deep in his heart, who was inspired at times or was able to lead other spiritually; I do believe he fits the bill of that definition and for the purposes of supporting family, I said it in confidence and with peace. (I personally think JS was a troubled man as well, and did many things that were wrong and as such was not very trustworthy half the time, but I cannot judge his heart. Only the Lord, knows the man’s heart and will judge him, not me.)

The one that tore me up was attending my meetings. He honored that I worshipped with other believers before, but this time was being specifically asking me how often I went to SM, I told him I was there yesterday and that at best once a month. A tear or two came slowly down my cheek, I thought he was going to deny me for this. I told him I believe God doesn’t judge where I or anyone worships and that He knows my heart and I do the best that I can to serve Him with all my heart.

He also asked if I pay a full tithing. I said Yes. He then asked… to the ward? (I personally make little $$, but we give offerings regularly to our other church.) I told him that I have an envelope at home that I need to give to the bishop, that I forgot to give him on Sunday, which I do.As I did think about it last month and on Sunday that I need to make a tithing payment/fast offering to the ward, so my mind could be at ease with this… that I am making a donation for the little I or my daughter do glean from the church. It just skipped my mind after SM as my oldest daughter and husband was coming over with my grand baby so we skipped out after SM. I had my garments on, so that counted for day and night question on my underwear. I do wear them from time to time. Funny thing is he forgot to ask the question on the WofW. I don’t mind one bit, but I don’t think he realized that he did so.

To make a long story short… LOL, it is already long! He did sign it and encouraged me to continue to stay close to the Lord, so I went to the temple last night with my daughter. A sigh of relief for now, I don’t feel the need to resign, I am at peace. There is good in both churches, God knows that and He knows my heart. I also believe that God honors flexible hearts much more than inflexible rules or rituals. I learned that I can be flexible in my mind and heart with the LDS church, forgive it’s founder and all the organization’s inherent imperfections and found that I can still hang on for as long as I need to or want to. Perhaps the SP learned something, too. That for some of us that struggle, he got a reminder to have a flexible at some point in his own heart as he sits in his position trying to be an agent for the Lord. He has had it before, but was getting a bit caught up in ritual of the questions and defining the intent or adding more. I honestly hope that he goes back and reads in the CHI that he is not supposed to ask additional questions. The ones they do ask, those beyond the first two are already way too much in my mind, but understand they are the general parameters for full participation in the LDS church.

I am just very thankful that I was able to be with my daughter last night, it was a sweet moment for us and as I looked around and saw all the youth and the bishop doing all 250 + baptisms. I am reminded of all the good intentions and desires of those who are members, those with honest hearts desiring to worship the Lord in the best way they know. The temple truly is a reverent place, that can bring some peace and quiet into our lives. My oldest daughter met us there and it was nice to hug her in the temple. I know that is kind of silly, but that was a sweet moment too. She reached out and said the most important thing is that you were able to be here for her sister. She didn’t necessarily need to me to explain, she knew my heart, but for me it was much more than that. She knows the struggle of feelings I was dealing with over trying to reconcile my personal beliefs and knowledge with the desire to stay in the church that I had this past weekend over all of this. I shared with her in the hallway and elevator how I was able to do this, how God answered my prayer when I turned it over to HIm the only one who can bring me true peace, so it is easier to just give or lay it as the Lord’s feet and trust in Him.

HiJolly, I just want to add my thanks for that quote from “Second Hand Lions”. I will be using it as a post on my personal blog in the future.

He also asked if I pay a full tithing. I said Yes. He then asked… to the ward? (I personally make little $$, but we give offerings regularly to our other church.) I told him that I have an envelope at home that I need to give to the bishop, that I forgot to give him on Sunday, which I do.As I did think about it last month and on Sunday that I need to make a tithing payment/fast offering to the ward, so my mind could be at ease with this… that I am making a donation for the little I or my daughter do glean from the church.

It’s so hard in the moment of the interview to remember to simply repeat. “Yes, I am a full tithe-payer.” “To this ward?” “I can’t rightly say, but I am a full tithe payer. “

Regarding tithing, I need to say I definitely believe in practicing it very generously, and in answering the question accordingly. I would not accept a recommend if I were not generous in my tithes in the most generous interpretation. Then again, that’s getting into a pharisaical conception of who can be in the temple, isn’t it? That shows my default mode, still uncured.

A blessing on your head and on the head of your good priesthood guys!

Tom