Spiritual Practices: Taboo breaking (and General Intro)

I struggle with doing such things with real intent. If I don’t wear the LDS uniform to church or swear or something, I always feel like I’m doing it to stick a fork in someone’s eye. And, usually, I am.

It’s exactly the point you mention that keeps me from breaking a lot of the taboos I probably should break if I can find my heart in the right place and find the right time. Doing things by the spirit is not easy or quick or convenient, is it?

In this context, I think that you are talking about something that is important. If “taboos” are there to specifically alienate others by creating exclusivity (vs. inclusion), that can create pride when someone feels superior to another because they adhere to the standard, whatever that is. I speak openly about “taboos” that I break, but they are generally just my own interpretation of what’s OK that might differ from someone else’s interpretation is. Things like:

– drinking cola

– swimsuit choice

– Sunday activities

– vacationing on Sundays/Sabbath observance

I’m open about the choices we make and how we interpret these things, but I also realize that others’ views differ. People has to do what works for them. “I am not the boss of you, nor are you the boss of me.” You can’t hide the things you do when you have kids; what’s unhealthy is to do things on the downlow. But I also do not like to hear people judging others whose choices differ, and I always speak up when I hear that kind of behavior, whether it is kids or adults.

I like this as an introspective exercise in distinguishing between culture, counsel and command. My own personal stance is that I try to follow what I perceive to be “general command” rigorously, unless I feel commanded personally to not do so (like Nephi and Laban, but hopefully never that dramatic); I try to follow general counsel, generally (meaning I only ignore it when I feel there is a compelling, important reason to do so); I pick and choose the cultural aspects I want to follow pretty much just by personal inclination and what I like.

In practice, this means that I rarely “taboo break” at what I see as the meta-level, occasionally taboo break at the general level and taboo break fairly often at the ground level. It also means that I choose sometimes NOT to taboo break, even when I feel it would be fine to do so in theory, if I feel it would have a detrimental effect on others around me. The key, imo, is that I choose consciously – based on what I feel will bring me and those around me closer to God. I believe I can’t blame anyone else for my choices, so I “taboo break” or not understanding the theoretical consequences of my choice – that I am responsible for what I choose to do.

This reminds me of a guy I knew some years ago, who was trying to break out of ‘cultural conditioning’ that we ALL are subject to. One of the things he was targeting was folding his arms during prayer.

This is totally a side point, but I broke myself of this habit years ago when I was in the Army and stationed in Korea. Korean members do NOT fold their arms when they pray. In Korean culture, folding one’s arms across their chest is a sign of hostile defiance (and dishonor) while talking to someone who is their social superior. Let’s just say that God is pretty high up the honor hierarchy . So that makes it a terrible jesture when trying to pray. Hehe.

That always stuck in my mind. I clasp my hands now.

I’m the opposite actually, I’m only just getting into the folded arms thing. It’s good when you’re kneeling I find. When I’m sitting or standing, I don’t do it though.

Some of us, in dealing with the childhood emotional wounds all of us receive, develop as part of the False Self or Ego an identity that we mistake for our true identity and worth. I grew up as the 100%-er, the Eagle Scout, the good kid. And not only good, but in the view of the Ego, I am better than others. I am separate. I am superior in obedience, in faithfulness, in reverence, etc. Part of that view includes the validation I get by dressing right for church and showing up every week.

If I am having a difficult time breaking my reliance on those false symbols of my status, it may help for me to mar my perfect record. I may miss church for (gasp) an entire month. I may take a sip of strong drink. I may go to the wilderness and shout ugly words (not in anger, but in embarrassment). I haven’t done all those things, but I could.

Or it may not help at all. But I think all this shell game playing with the ego does one thing well. It helps us begin to see the Ego for what it is. And in the end, that is what defeats it.

Does that make any sense, Silent? Here’s an exchange that may help explain:

Do something!

What should I do?

Do something about survival.

What should I do?

Look at your budget. Look at your calendar. Check your email. Something. Anything!

Am I a human being, or a human doing?

If you don’t do something, you could die. You can’t just sit around all your life. After all, you are starting a new business. The future is extremely uncertain at this point. You have to do something!

I am observing the Stopping Day of I Am Your God. And to tell the truth, I think I need it. This non-stop business starting is a bit maddening.

Yes. The Stopping Day of I Am Your God. I like that. It’s clever. Who else but you would come up with such an original and intent-filled expression for your day of rest?

Mmm. Yeah. It sure is a pretty day today. This week has been pretty hot, but today has been in the room temperature range all afternoon. The kids have been delightful playing outside all day.

Is that allowed on the Sabbath?

Am I allowed to say, “Get behind me, Satan?”

Yeah, that makes you sound like Jesus.

No, thanks. Then I will just say I don’t really care whether it’s allowed for them to play or not. That’s not my business. My business is to love them and delight in them.

That guy looks like he has a beer in that bottle.

Yeah. Maybe he does and maybe he doesn’t. I can’t tell.

You never drink.

Well, maybe I just will. Don’t get so self-righteous so easily. Did you even notice he is out with his daughter playing catch? Did I do that today?

I didn’t notice.

That’s okay. Nobody notices everything. And now he came over to check on some whining puppies. I just don’t think beer or no beer is going to cut it as a status symbol for me. He seems like a wonderful person as far as I can tell. I think I can learn a lot from him.

You gave a great smile to that little boy on the bicycle. You are a blessing to this apartment complex.

We all are. We all are blessed to be here together. He is a blessing to me. I am a blessing to him. I’m no different than anybody else.

But you are superior. You come from a noble heritage. You are an Eagle Scout. You are conservatively dressed. You are clean cut. You don’t smoke. You have an education. You use beautiful language.

Do those things make others happy? Comfortable? Comforted? Loved?

Sure, they do. See. That dad just cursed. You don’t do that.

I’m not going to argue with you. Arguing seems only to strengthen you. I’m going to turn my attention to the delightful things around me. I hope to eat. I hope to sleep. I hope to use the bathroom. Just like every other being on the planet. Enjoy me being normal.

Good stuff, SD. Yeah, spiritual practices are really just “possibly helpful ideas” that may help get us over the hump of blindness toward growth. I like your practice. As you say, though, arrogant people don’t really know we are arrogant. So any given new spiritual practice (sabbatical, taboo breaking, lucid dreaming, meditation, prayer, voluntary poverty, ancient fasting, etc.) may reveal what we couldn’t see. On the other hand, if you already see your weakness, you are that much further ahead!

Tom