I’m going crazy.

I want to echo HiJolly’s suggestions – but I will add one caveat:

I think you already have made the most critical decision – that of commitment to not letting anger or bitterness control your perspective. I think all of us who have been here for a while agree that such a decision is vital to being able to move forward and create a new paradigm that will bring you peace and joy eventually.

Along with book suggestions, I recommend studying reflective introspection in any of its iterations (meditation, feeling/emotion journals, yoga, anything that helps you relax/”be still” and find a degree of calmness). Clearing one’s mind and just “feeling life” is a wonderful experience, and it is totally in harmony with the principles of the Gospel – particularly when it is combined with a classic focus on prayer, self-awareness, contemplation, etc. I no longer engage in the more formal processes, but I set aside time regularly to stop everything else and just think and feel – especially in preparation for prayer.

Anger, bitterness and fear are poisons to the soul. It doesn’t matter if it is about the LDS Church, a personal relationship with someone, or in connection with politics or the world at large. I’m not saying we don’t experience and feel those feelings. There’s a difference between allowing ourselves to feel, and to dwell within anger and fuel it. There is a seductive power to feeding anger. It is energizing, but it is poison.

It’s also not good to shut our eyes and pretend that things are different. As far as finding “the truth” about it all? There is none… There are lots of sources to learn about our history and doctrines. We have some great resources here, people have already pointed them out. The MP3 podcast interviews are all very excellent. So are the articles posted in the library section of the website.

Feel free to talk about stuff here.

I appreciate all of your advice. I will try to get Rough Rolling Stone. I think my dad may be reading it right now. I love this discussion group. I love that everyone is so supportive and open. I have not found that other places I’ve looked. I have about a million things running through my head and so I’m going to try to express them and hope they make sense.

I myself am not struggling too bad with the church. I think that it is a good organization and it is the place I am suppose to be. I just recently learned about things that the church usually denies. I was hurt and confused at first but then I realized that those were mistakes made by people. Overall I think that the church has been a positive influence in the world. In the past I have been a TBM and just believed that the bad thing said about the church were lies and never did my own research. I’m trying to get away from that way of thinking. I am just now taking the initiative to develop my own beliefs.

I like Ray’s idea that “there are no academic issues: everything is emotional to somebody.” I have felt this way for a long time but I live with someone who is convinced that everything is academic and can be reasoned out without emotion. It is hard to have a real discussion because if I bring emotions into the discussion at all then everything I say is discounted. I am told that the LDS leaders are all tyrants and pernicious people on a daily basis. Anyone who disagrees with this person is considered ignorant and does not have critical thinking skills.

One problem I had is that Mormonism and anti-Mormonism are equal and opposite cottage industries:

I absolutely agree with this. I cannot stay TBM but at the same time I don’t understand swinging to anti-Mormonism because I feel like I would have the same problems just on the opposite side of the issue. I’ve seen anti-Mormons lie and deceive as much as Mormons do sometimes.

I’m just venting but it is nice to have a place to vent. I thought it was funny thought that as I was driving through town today I saw a quote on one church’s billboard that said “Bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.” I thought it was quite appropriate to how I felt.

I’m just venting but it is nice to have a place to vent. I thought it was funny thought that as I was driving through town today I saw a quote on one church’s billboard that said “Bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.” I thought it was quite appropriate to how I felt.

Synchronicities like that are important messages. Whether they are divine messages put there for you, or just your subconscious pulling patterns out of the world, the message is still important on a personal level. It’s funny you spotted that and drove by right during a time this issue came up as a topic to think about.