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Hi! Yes, i’m one. One of those others who are not like everyone else. I was born and raised as an LDS person and was so wrapped up in being the perfect mormon, that when I finally became “enlightened”, I fell hard. I have been completely away from the church for 3 or so years and now am trying to find a reason to be in what I left behind years ago.
As I have recently married and moved 2000 miles away from family and everything else I had left, I am feeling completely alone in my situation. I have my husband and two children, but the community feeling is gone for me and the only place I can think of that can replicate anything near to a close family is the LDS church.
So here I am, trying to learn how to stay in the midst of “knowledge”. I attended one service so far and was very glad that the children in the ward were so noisy that I couldn’t focus on what was being said. I need these people but become highly offended by absolutes. How do I stay…….
Welcome, What?. The community aspect of the church has been at times a pulling and at others a pushing factor for me. I find that the church is, in many ways, my community. They are the tribe I identify most closely with. At the same time, I don’t want to feel separate from the larger community of wherever I may live. Working on it… I hope that you find the StayLDS community a safe haven, or that it may otherwise meet some of your needs. Again, welcome!
Quote:I need these people but become highly offended by absolutes.
I can relate! I think the absolutists are just a part of almost any community, but they can make it tough. I’ve gotten to the point where I can see past the words to the need for control that some of these people have. Absolutists often have a combination of fear, simplistic worldview, and a need for control at play behind their words. Depending on the day, I might find that annoying, pitiful, or amusing. But on a good day, I just find it human.
What? wrote:the only place I can think of that can replicate anything near to a close family is the LDS church.
I can relate, and find that the church seems to be the place I find still feels like home to me. In my case, I feel like I did when I went away to college in my early years, and realized how dysfunctional my family was, and they drove me crazy, and realized my parents weren’t perfect and they didn’t know a lot of things and were just trying to do their best. Yet I still feel drawn to be around them my family and so I’ve had to learn to accept my family for what it is (warts and all) and love them even if I don’t agree with them all the time.
That is how I feel about the church. I still feel drawn to take my kids every week, but I need to find a way to accept and even love others at church, despite my uncomfortable feeling of the absolutes.
I like in the essay on the web page where it reads:
“When you move past the “true/false” paradigm, you can dramatically lower your expectations of the church. Don’t think of it as God’s one and only true and perfect church while all others as abominations. If you think that way, the church will always fall short. Instead, think of it as a bunch of men [and women] who are just trying their best to fulfill their callings while balancing work, family, and personal stuff — and stumbling a great deal along the way. Don’t think of its leaders as having a direct, telephone-like communication line with God. They probably don’t.”
I’m trying to find the “middle way” of mormonism so I don’t have to abandon the feeling of family, yet don’t have to accept all things that don’t feel correct to me. I wish you the best along your journey as well.
You are definitely in good company here. I think most of us here are at different stages in our development and maturity, but we all would like to make things work in the LDS church. Welcome. Welcome welcome welcome! Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to “how to stay.” I know it is possible. Finding your own way is very personal and individual, yet I learn so much, even gain enlightenment from hearing how other people find peace with it all. Are people at Church annoying at times? Yeah, they can be. They can also be beautiful, and a range of things in between. This is all a new lesson, a great opportunity for love and patience.
Feel free to talk about specifics, and offer your insights.
I would love to be able to stay and not be offended but I also understand that if I revealed how I felt and what I had learned, that I would definately offend others; So i’ll remain quiet. I just wish I knew how to turn down the doctrine channel so that I’m not flooded by noise pollution and sent into a public display of “eye-rolling” and angry stares of disgust. It is so easy to be sucked up into collective consciousness. I want to be in the church, but not of the church. Thanks for the welcomes.. I appreciate it. What? wrote:I would love to be able to stay and not be offended but I also understand that if I revealed how I felt and what I had learned, that I would definately offend others; So i’ll remain quiet. I just wish I knew how to turn down the doctrine channel so that I’m not flooded by noise pollution and sent into a public display of “eye-rolling” and angry stares of disgust. It is so easy to be sucked up into collective consciousness. I want to be in the church, but not of the church.
Sometimes it
ischallenging to just focus on the good at church, but it canbe done. You are right that it is often better to bite your tongue in some circumstances at church than to speak out and cause contention… it can be hard. However, you don’thave to “remain quiet” in thisforum… “reveal” away! We all want to hear from you and there will be no “angry stares of disgust”. Plus you can use the smilies for effective eye-rolling at your convenience! Welcome,
What?, welcome! You are among friends here. Hey, Thanks for the welcome wishes. You feel very peaceful on this site, which is very good for me and it was not coincidence. I sent out a request into the universe to show me a way to be in the church and not of the church… Then I found you. Welcome. I am also a closet hater of the absolute. I hope you stay so there will be more of us 
Best wishes and I hope you enjoy the forum. PM me anytime if I can help.
I can relate very well to what you say. It will be interesting to hear your thoughts and opinions on the forum. Welcome. What? wrote:I want to be in the church, but not of the church. Thanks for the welcomes.. I appreciate it.
What? wrote:You feel very peaceful on this site, which is very good for me and it was not coincidence. I sent out a request into the universe to show me a way to be in the church and not of the church… Then I found you.
May we preserve and grow that forever. Welcome again.
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