There Is No Such Thing As Normal

That is fantastic, Ray. Thanks.

This concept is the most difficult thing that I still struggle with as an outcome of my upbringing. Never being good enough is how it manifests itself in my psyche, emotional life. I agree with all of the sentiments in the post, in fact, they’re all critical to true emotional health and the pursuit of real happiness. Yet, I find myself remembering all of the past and current examples of the “church”, the “brethren” or local leaders imposing the opposite. I know it’s mostly my perception but there are real examples: Prop 8, all deacons must have missionary haircuts to pass the sacrament (current policy in my ward), multiple piercings.

Thought game: what if a man showed up in church in his wife’s nicest Sunday dress? Is this example bending the intention of the thought past the breaking point? I mean, there are people who would feel more like themselves and less like “faking” if the cultural “norms” were more flexible. What role does that play? I mean I know everyone is unique to the point that there is no such thing as “normal” but that isn’t really true when you go to a mormon church service. I know everywhere is different in its cultural/ethnic background but in the inner-mountain west region, if you’re white and wearing a white shirt and tie…..

There’s actually a VERY strong cultural pull to be “normal”, look “normal”, act “normal”, talk “normal” and we all know what it is. That’s why it’s so pervasive and self-perpetuating. And no one I’ve ever been around in the church does anything to break the cycle. When they announced the policy in my ward that all aaronic ph had to have missionary haircuts to administer the sacrament, I wanted to speak up, walk out, scream, etc. But I sat there and did nothing and said nothing. Luckily, my sons aren’t to that age yet, if so, I have no idea what I would have done. The message: worthy=normal. Very dangerous, imho.

I’m killing the spirit of this beautiful concept but it got me thinking….

I’d love to hear someone besides me comment on it.

I’m not shy.

I think in the church, there is a drive to become Holy and to be worthy of blessings from God.

I don’t think the “white shirt and tie” thing is a drive for being “normal”, but a drive to be holy and righteous. Respect and reverence are the expectations on how to invite the spirit. Since the tie and dress are accepted by church members as “Sunday Best” – others joining the church are taught what the standard is. Not, “you need to be normal like us” but “since we all accept this as our standard for holiness we want you to join us in respect for God”.

However, because LDS people establish their cultural standard, we have to also remember everyone is unique and has their specific circumstances that need to be accommodated and allowed and accepted.

There is a narrow path to return to live with God, but the pace it is traveled, and the style of moving along that path, and all the variances of how to move along the path, are not significant as long as we’re moving on the path closer to God.

However, what is the message that the new member gets? That’s the question worth answering. It doesn’t much matter what our intentions, or ideal is, if the new member feels culturally pressured to fit in without understanding the reason. Does someone tell him/her why we do what we do in every aspect? Do we even know why we do what we do all time? There is certainly tradition in the church, some of it having a good reason, and others not so much. When we articulate the ideal reason for doing something, I think it instills confidence, but I agree with swimordie, there is a definite cultural pull to “fit the mold” as it were.

Good point. Doesn’t matter what our understanding is in our culture and how we see it, if we express it wrong or are out of touch not being sensitive to how new members “feel” about it, we are not nourishing them but acting “holier than thou”. This is my big criticism of my current ward, people are so busy, and so sure of themselves…they don’t always get to the root of the issue but accept the standard as “just the way we do and you should do it..period.” [big generalization, but thats my general over-simplified perception]. Too much letter of the law, not enough Christ-like love. However, I realize I’m judging them…so frankly, I’m just focusing on trying to get the beam out of my eye.

Incidentally, when I first got home from my mission, I started growing out my facial hair.

Dude, you’re a rebel!