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A couple years ago, I had somewhat of an emotional breakdown due to an enormous amount of pressure on my shoulders. I was serving in the bishopric at the time, studying at a university full-time, and working full-time to support my wife and 2 kids. At some point in the chaos, I went into a deep depression which lasted for a year or so. Now I find myself avoiding church as much as possible because it always brings me straight back to that experience, which is painful for me. For the longest time I felt like the Lord didn’t love me, which I now realize was a huge distortion of my relationship with God. Anyway, without rambling too much, I was wondering if any one has any advice. I want to be active in the Church, and I want to serve people around me… but I’m having the hardest time overcoming this linked pain that comes every time I get close to the church building. I don’t have any doctrinal issues, and I do have a testimony… but I’m starting to feel like I’ve been singled out as an “inactive”, and people seem to treat me that way. I’ve been going to sacrament meeting every other week or so, but I just can’t manage anything beyond that at this point.
Any suggestions?
As far as the association of being close to or seeing the Church building triggering depression, that sounds seriously like an issue that a therapist might help with. Stuff like that happens, especially through strong emotional experiences. I’m not an expert in that field, so I am not sure. On the practical side, it seems to me you need to do less — much less! Establish strong personal boundaries with the Church. Help people within the scope of your time and abilities. Try to find joy in that service, but don’t let the opposite happen. There are FAR FAR to many things on the Mormon checklist for anyone to get done, let alone someone raising a family while trying to go to school. I had issues with this in the past too. I can’t let myself get overly attached to every suggestion and program activity. I volunteer what I can, and that is it. If the Church can’t get it all done with the resources they have, they need to do less IMO. They also need to get more in the habit of finding out what time people have, and THEN making plans. It should not be the other way around — planning everything possible to dream up and hoping enough people will volunteer to get it all done (doing a quality job).
Hi, sbadger. What is the meaning of sacrificing everything to God? What clues might your depression hold for you? Might there be books you have had a feeling you would like to read? Have you had dreams you might pray about? It may be that this is an opportunity to find new meaning and richness in your relationship to the Highest. And perhaps participating here can be as helpful to you as it is to me. I find this community inspiring and correcting to me.
A theme I have worked on over the past 10 years is the Sermon on the Mount. And most recently I have worked to implement in my life and understand new implications for the exhortation to make no oaths at all. There may be in the Sermon on the Mount answers for you also. Or perhaps that is “old stuff” and it may be more meaningful for you to read the Bhagavad Gita Chapters
1216Tom
Quote:D&C78:17 Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;
18 And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.
19 And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.
This isn’t meant to be a sermon…just from personal experience, I feel that church is supposed to be a place for you to meditate and feel the spirit and come closer to God. In times when it hasn’t for me, it has been because I have felt I was supposed to be somebody better, be more like someone else, or be something others thought I should be. That is not the way I think God views us. Wherever we are in life, all things have their time and season, the important thing is what direction are we going, not how fast or where we are compared to others.
When I can let go of those self-inflicted pressures, and just tell God, “I’m here, take me as I am and help me to feel loved” – the worries melt away and I can just be content with church, and not let the pressures to perform get to me.
It is not a church of fear, but a church of love. Those would be my thoughts…I don’t know if that helps or if that is “easier said than done”. I hope you can find that peace…I really feel there is good to be found in the church!
My mother has a rare form of schizophrenia. She is fine if she takes her medication – AND if she doesn’t over-exert herself. I’m not making a direct comparison, but her example has convinced me that the idea of not running faster than we are able to walk is very important. I believe we should do whatever we can (
even if that is next to nothing) and trust that God will make allowances for what we can’t do. That is the heart of the Atonement / grace to me. Thank you all for your helpful responses. @Heber13
Your comments really hit home for me. I have struggled my entire life with the “perfection” syndrome and have always felt like I could never measure up. This belief system has put me into a downward spiral – if I can never be good enough, what motivation do I have to improve? With that mindset, I do less, which makes me feel even worse about myself and fortifies my belief that I can’t please the Lord. Thank you so much! I can’t tell you how good it felt to read your post and have the spirit lovingly confirm that what you said is true. I haven’t felt that in a very long time. It’s always been my deepest desire to feel loved by God and know that he’s pleased with me. And just now I felt that love.
It’s clear that I’ve got some work to do before I feel completely peaceful at church. But at least now I don’t feel like it’s an impossible task.
sbadger, I personally feel like I never understood the atonement until I let go of all that … not really. I never “got it” at all as a “normal” member of the Church. It’s so ironic and humbling. Not until I lost my belief, was I finally able to let go of all that baggage and place my problems on the altar of the Savior’s sacrifice. I am thankful for what I went through now. It was perfect for me.
For me, for some of us, it has to be that way. There was never anything wrong with the information I had. I just couldn’t see it until I was finally broken of my own self-created turmoil. The truth is this — you are perfect, loved and completely accepted by your Heavenly Father just as you are. You are beautiful and amazing to Him already. Everything will be ok. We just need to figure that out. The great news is there is a TON more out there he wants to show us, as we are ready.
That is my hope, my belief and my own experience.
Thanks for your kind words Valoel. It’s ironically similar to the scripture stating that he who loseth his life “for my sake”, shall find it. It’s sort of like a tornado that destroys your house leaving you with nothing but the foundation… But then you let the Lord help you design and build it back up and it turns out to be a magnificent castle instead of the dark, cramped shack that used to be there. That’s the way I’m seeing it at least… sbadger wrote:It’s sort of like a tornado that destroys your house leaving you with nothing but the foundation… But then you let the Lord help you design and build it back up and it turns out to be a magnificent castle instead of the dark, cramped shack that used to be there. That’s the way I’m seeing it at least…
Great comparison! This is how it happened for me.
I wanted to add something I”ve mentioned in other posts but it changed my life. I, too, was the perfection seeker who was always lacking in self-worth because I was never good enough. It’s a long story on how I got there but it was probably very similar to yours, as a life-long TBM. Anyways, a book called “Codependent No More” helped me to understand where those feelings were coming from and how to deal with them and then reassert a different mindset in the journey towards life-long emotional health. Like I said, it changed my life and from what you’ve posted, you sound almost exactly how I felt.
It’s never really come up here on this forum specifically, but the church isn’t really set up to deal with the need for individuals to find emotional health in a real and practical way. Maybe that would be a good thread because there seems to be a flurry of this kind of issue right now.
Thanks for the post swimordie. I love to read so I’ll definitely check out that book you mentioned. sbadger, wow, you made a great point with the imagery of the house being knocked down and rebuilt. I have experienced that in my own journey towards spiritual fulfillment in the church. As hard as it was to have my testimony erode out from underneath me, having it rebuilt from a more spiritually mature perspective than I had before has provided me with some of the most wonderful spiritual experiences. I enjoy church again. It’s an ongoing battle to remember what I’m really there for, but I love it again, and there were many times when I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to say that. One can learn to love it again, I’m living proof of that.
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