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I saw this post online and loved the concept, and wanted to discuss it here: Quote:Are You Normal?
From an article titled “Ever Wonder How Normal You Are?” by Father Lou Guntzelman:
“Analyst Dr. Lawrence Jaffe notes that “Patient after patient speaks to me of the frustration in not being able to be ‘normal.’ What a relief to realize that normality is a statistical concept with no empirical validity … There is no such thing as being normal. But what a long road it is that leads finally to that realization.”
Normality is an abstraction derived from the study of statistics. It doesn’t exist in reality.
Science may say the average or “normal” stone in a certain riverbed is 4 inches long and 2 inches wide.
Yet, a search may never find a stone exactly that size in the stream (what a relief to the rest of the stones!)
Stones don’t try to conform themselves to some desirable proportion. But humans do. We forget we are unprecedented.
Isaac Singer writes, “Every human character occurs only once in the whole history of human beings.”
http://betchadidntknow.blogspot.com/2009/07/are-you-normal.html ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://betchadidntknow.blogspot.com/2009/07/are-you-normal.html There is much pressure sometimes in the LDS culture to conform (white shirts, mormon lingo, treats for youth classes), it makes me wonder if there is a fear of out-of-the-normal behavior in the church? Is it because we fear compromise in our marriage or our congregation will “drag us downward”, but instead look at the perfect standard set by Christ, build in a margin of error, and accept nothing below a set lower specification limit?
I always knew I wasn’t normal…I’m just relieved to read that perhaps, no one else is either? What do you think?
I understand the need for organizational conformity with regard to certain things, but I absolutely LOVE the concept that nobody is “normal” – and that part of fulfilling the measure of MY own, individual creation is finding where I have a “blessed abnormality” and magnifying it. I really believe each and every one of us can accomplish **something** unique in this life – and I believe part of why we are alive is to find and accomplish that unique aspect of our own individual creation.
Harvard explains its objective as working to admit and create “well-lopsided” students – meaning students who can follow any non-technical discussion about any topic but who understand one topic deeply. It is a recognition educationally of this concept – that everyone is unique in some way, and part of being truly educated is finding and magnifying one’s uniqueness. I believe in the spiritual manifestation of that concept as much as I believe in the educational effort.
When my first child was born my wife and I came face to face with the idea of the normal. The child was born with an extra 21st chromosome, more commonly called Down syndrome. I suddenly realized that my child wasn’t born “normal”. After a what felt like a long journey over a very short peroid of time I first realized that this idea we have of normal doesn’t exist. Over the years I have become very proud of my different child! I like to see these discussions that none of us are normal because it not only helps people like you and I feel better about ourselves but it also helps everyone realize that everyone deserves respect. Hopefully with more disscussions like these our society in general will be more accepting of the other. Sam Spade wrote:Over the years I have become very proud of my different child!
Wow, great post, Sam. I hope I can be that kind of dad to my kids too, all in their own unique way. I think that gives us a glimpse of how God looks at us, even though none of us will be like His Only Begotten.
I disagree with the idea that there isn’t a “normal”. To me, normal is what is statistically most common, and within Mormon culture, there are normative behaviors. For men, wearing white shirts, and often suits, is an example of this normative behavior. Not talking during the sacrament, or bearing one’s testimony on Fast Sunday are examples of normative behavior. Obviously, just because those are normative behaviors doesn’t mean there aren’t lots of members that feel differently. The problem with the ideas we have about “normal” Mormon behavior, is how they become institutionalized to the point that we treat them as matters of fact. Then we have a member that has accepted these norms that gets called to be a Bishop or Stake President; all of the sudden these ideas of normalcy become more ingrained and more expected. This becomes problematic for those of us who don’t agree with these “normal” behaviors, because we aren’t supposed to question/challenge are leaders. What should we do when a behavior that has become culturally doctrinal contradicts with our beliefs, and common sense for that matter? If we start to question these behaviors outside of our homes, we begin to viewed as rebellious, unfaithful, or apostate. How are we supposed to go about this? What should we do when a leader is obviously wrong about an issue? Are we supposed to just be “faithful” and take it, or can we speak up? wordsleuth23 wrote:I disagree with the idea that there isn’t a “normal”. To me, normal is what is statistically most common, and within Mormon culture, there are normative behaviors. For men, wearing white shirts, and often suits, is an example of this normative behavior. Not talking during the sacrament, or bearing one’s testimony on Fast Sunday are examples of normative behavior.
Right. ‘Normal’ works when looking at the many, not the one. One of my favorite talks to disagree with is President Packers “The Unwritten Order of Things”, because he champions such things as white shirts and presiding officers sitting up on the stand, even whilst family members sit in the congregation. Yet I do not disagree with the core message, for what he appears to be talking about is how cultural ‘norms’ can rightly interact with our subconsious minds to produce miracles. I am convinced that this is a true principle.
wordsleuth23 wrote:What should we do when a behavior that has become culturally doctrinal contradicts with our beliefs, and common sense for that matter? If we start to question these behaviors outside of our homes, we begin to viewed as rebellious, unfaithful, or apostate. How are we supposed to go about this? What should we do when a leader is obviously wrong about an issue? Are we supposed to just be “faithful” and take it, or can we speak up?
When I have encountered this, I have dealt with it in one of two ways, depending on the people and circumstances. (1) If we are all friends and fairly informal, I ask in a lightly humorous way if another approach might be acceptable. I ‘float’ the idea that an alternative might be my preferred choice. (2) I meet with the leader in private and lay out my concerns and reasoning (if not my ‘feelings’ on the matter — sometimes I do this as well). I assure the leader that I acknowledge their leadership and right to make the final call— and assure them that I will abide by their decision fully. I just tell them I feel it my responsibility to ensure that they understand my views.I have seen both of these methods work, but certainly not always. Of course sincerety is important in this. I have been really blessed that I have been ignored completely only a few times. And that’s not fun, but is OK with me because I know we are all individuals with differing abilities and capabilities. I guess “this too shall pass” is a mantra that can help me in these situations.
HiJolly
wordsleuth23 wrote:I disagree with the idea that there isn’t a “normal”. To me, normal is what is statistically most common, and within Mormon culture, there are normative behaviors.
Actually, I’d disagree with your disagreement, wordsleuth23.
wordsleuth23 wrote:What should we do when a behavior that has become culturally doctrinal contradicts with our beliefs, and common sense for that matter? If we start to question these behaviors outside of our homes, we begin to viewed as rebellious, unfaithful, or apostate. How are we supposed to go about this? What should we do when a leader is obviously wrong about an issue? Are we supposed to just be “faithful” and take it, or can we speak up?
Why do you care about what people think of your behaviors outside your home? Does it matter if others view us as rebellious or unfaithful or apostate? Leaders are wrong about issues all the time…they’re just like us trying to do what they think is right…but they have no exclusive ability to be perfect and right just because of their mantle of stewardship. I can accep that. I can also sustain them despite that.
Your last question is the most meaninful question of all: “Are we supposed to just be “faithful” and take it, or can we speak up?” That’s the real question. What do you want to do about it? What makes you feel closer to God and have peace in your life? What makes you feel the things you are asked are helping you understand Christ’s teachings and his characteristics? I think there are multiple options you can take rather than just “take it or speak up”. But the important thing is … you
actand not just sit in the back row and criticize. I’m going to go ahead and agree with everyone, even the contradictory stuff. Yes, everyone is different, therefore there is no normal. Yes, there are normative behaviors/attitudes/expectations/etc. And in the church it is almost as hard to see the differences as it is to find a “normal” rock in the riverbed. I think, wordsleuth, you may be under the impression that staylds means “buy in”. Most people here have rejected that. In fact, I may be the ultimate paradox: I left so that I could stay. Maybe I’m the statistical norm!
😆 😆 swimordie wrote:
I think, wordsleuth, you may be under the impression that staylds means “buy in”. Most people here have rejected that. In fact, I may be the ultimate paradox: I left so that I could stay. Maybe I’m the statistical norm!😆 😆 I don’t believe staylds means buy in, that is why I’m here. I think it is a place for those of us that aren’t “normal” to discuss our “rebellious” ideas. I was merely wondering how one deals with normative behaviors they disagree with, especially when those behaviors are advocated by Bishops, Stake Presidents, and GA’s.
I think most people who come here do so because on some level they don’t feel they fit the “norms,” but IMO the norm is an illusion, even if you fit it! Everyone is unique and everyone is not unique. For example, my teenage son cares a lot about “self-expression,” but he’s really just mimicking bands he likes or other teens he wants to be like. So, self-expression is really just affiliation. Sometimes we want to affiliate as different from the majority and sometimes we want to affiliate as the same as the majority, and this is true of all people in all walks of life and in all situations. For example, if I were going to a RS function with women I thought were fuddy-duddies with no sense of style, I might deliberately wear something stylish to make it clear that’s who I am (not like them). But if I were going to the Oscars, I might do everything I could to make sure I didn’t end up on the “What Not to Wear” pages of the magazines by wearing something that fits in.
In reality, norms can be just another form of pride. Some people are proud of belonging. Some people are proud of not belonging.
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