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I was without internet over the long weekend and upon returning, I get the sense that there are several friends here with strong feelings of unsettledness, treading-water-edness, etc. I made the comment in another post: the church doesn’t seem to be set up to deal with the difficulties of self-worth or self-esteem. A person generally can’t “study and pray” their way out of low self-worth. Bishops aren’t trained to deal with issues of low self-esteem. And the cycle of seeking perfection to not attaining perfection to not feeling worthy to not feeling self-worth to seeking greater perfection to not attaining perfection to not feeling worthy to, to, ……. AAAAHHHH!!!! HELP!!!!
I’ll call the ability to attain self-worth and self-esteem: emotional health.
Seeking emotional health is a life-long journey. But, emotional health is the only way for an individual to attain the potential for happiness and joy awaiting them in this life. Without emotional health, one never feels good enough or worthy of intimate happiness and joy to be shared with a spouse, loved one or child.
Despite the good intentions of the church, applying Christ’s atonement as the ultimate rehab for inner-self-worth does not, by itself, work. Mostly, because the individual already is not feeling worthy of Christ’s love or deserving of His sacrifice.
For those of you who are trying to “stay LDS”, and struggling with feelings of angst, guilt, shame, lethargy, apathy, please know: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There is another option. You can be healthy, happy, and enjoy life, while living and believing the way YOU want to or feel the need to.
For everyone it’s different. I’m going to sound like a corporate salesman but…. one book changed my life and started my journey towards emotional health and true happiness, joy and intimacy. It’s called “Codependent No More” and I’m working on a review for the book section but it’s a “must read” for anyone who may be feeling the way I described above.
Who else has felt this way? Have you discovered anything about these feelings?
Neal A Maxwell wrote:The first thing to be said of this feeling of inadequacy is that it is normal. There is no way the Church can honestly describe where we must yet go and what we must yet do without creating a sense of immense distance. Following celestial road signs while in telestial traffic jams is not easy, especially when we are not just moving next door—or even across town.
In a Kingdom where perfection is an eventual expectation, each other’s needs for improvement have a way of being noticed. Perceptive Jethro had plenty of data to back up the crisp counsel he gave his son-in-law Moses. (See Ex. 18.) Even prophets notice their weaknesses. Nephi persisted in a major task “notwithstanding my weakness.” (2 Ne. 33:11.) Another Nephite prophet, Jacob, wrote candidly of his “over anxiety” for those with whom he was not certain he could communicate adequately. (Jacob 4:18.) Our present prophet has met those telling moments when he has felt as if he could not meet a challenge. Yet he did.
Thus the feelings of inadequacy are common. So are the feelings of fatigue; hence, the needed warning about our becoming weary of well-doing. (See D&C 64:33.)
The scriptural advice, “Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength” (D&C 10:4) suggests paced progress, much as God used seven creative periods in preparing man and this earth. There is a difference, therefore, between being “anxiously engaged” and being over-anxious and thus underengaged.
Neal A. Maxwell, “Notwithstanding My Weakness,” Ensign, Nov 1976, 12That whole talk is one of my favorites, not just because reading about how others, even prophets, also feel these things, but the 14 points things he suggests you do have been good advice for me to strive to live.
I have struggled with this my entire life. I believe part of having faith in Christ is not just believing IN Christ, but actually believing Christ when he says we are little children and can’t bear all things now, but must grow in grace and truth. I think it is important to let go of trying to be something we are not, or compare ourselves to others.
I think many Christian churches stress so much about sacrificing in this life for something better in the next life, that we fail to remember that there is much about this life worth celebrating, much about today worth enjoying, much about me as I am now that is worth feeling proud of. We learn from yesterday, strive for improvements tomorrow, and enjoy today for the beauty and privilege of working today.
Just to give a quick shout out to another site, Mormon Therapist has given a lot of good advice about dealing with guilt, why it can be good and why Mormons often take it to unhealthy levels. She has great advice on a great range of topics, and she also answers questions you send her. http://mormontherapist.blogspot.com/2009/07/shame-is-inherited-from-unhealthy.html ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://mormontherapist.blogspot.com/2009/07/shame-is-inherited-from-unhealthy.html One concept that I love about the LDS perspective…..and something that did come from Joseph Smith …. is the idea that we can find truth wherever it is to be found as we study from the best books. I love Melody Beattie and her books about codependency and letting go. They have helped me so very much in my personal and emotional healing. I believe that God led me to her words because they were the words I needed at the moment and I have recommended them to others along my travels.
I don’t think that this takes anything away from the church. I don’t know if God meant for the church organizations and the people in it to be the balm for every problem or the answer to every concern. I certainly wouldn’t go to my bishop with a back injury. Maybe there are some issues in our emotional selves that fall into this category too. I believe that God is working through out this world among many who are not of our faith and giving them understanding and even enlightenment in order to help many.
But, I do understand how it feels to struggle with feelings of self love and learning how to take care of myself rather than needing my environment to do it. I know what it is like to risk sharing my concerns with a bishop who didn’t have the capacities to help me with my concerns even as I have plead to feel the healing balm of the Atonement in my life. It is a confusing and disconcerting thing and I am not sure yet if I have an adequate understanding as to why there are these disconnects. What I do know is that my Father in Heaven IS mindful of me and brings me what I need whether it comes from the RS or some other place.
So….add me to your list of Melody lovers. Maybe we can share sometime about what we have learned.
Poppyseed, I really like what you said. I have found some great books that have really made me think about things in a new way, and take some good things from it. I love feeling like I am in control and will read or expose my mind to several things in and outside of the church, and pick and choose the things that have value to me in helping me feel better about myself. I can then apply my views to the church teachings and see things in a greater light and with deeper meaning, because it has value to my soul. I am now reading “David O McKay and the Rise of Modern Mormonism” and I love his quote when he says:
Quote:During intermission at a theatrical presentation, his host offered to get refreshments…”All of our cups say Coca Cola on them because of our arrangement with Coca Cola Bottling, but we have root beer and we have orange and we have 7-Up. What would you like to drink?”
And he said, “I don’t care what it says
onthe cup, as long as there is Coke inthe cup” McKay’s point was simple and refreshing: Don’t get hung up on the letter of the law to the point where you squeeze all of the spirit out of life.
Getting too hung up on rules or expectations of how we should be as mormons can take away our individual strengths to be proud of who we are, and feel the “spirit” of joy and laughter in our lives. I have found many books help me realize this.
You might be interested in the following post: “Embracing Grace” (
http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2007/11/embracing-grace.html Old-Timer wrote:You might be interested in the following post:
“Embracing Grace” (
http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2007 … grace.html)That was amazing, Ray! Anyone who feels the desire to give it all to the Lord, let go and let God, or whatever cliche, Ray’s link above is fantastic!!
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