A very bad Thursday

(((hugs)))

My dad struggled with his anger-mostly yelling, some physical. All the kids carry some issues from it, some more than others.

The single most important thing that we would have liked is an apology after each incident. My dad felt like apologizing would be pointless since he knew he would do it again. But, apologizing helps the child. Actually, he can’t even remember doing the things that scarred us which bothers me a little.

Now I find myself sometimes having the same struggle. It is so frustrating! Like you, I am striving for Christ like love and compassion so those outbursts can be even more devestating than “before.” Although I am more able to forgive myself and look at it without a black/white lens.

Anyway, I don’t know if my post is for you or someone else. If you haven’t talked to her, please do it now. She may have acted out in a way that needs to be addressed, but don’t be afraid to admit your wrong. She is old enough to understand.

I think the hardest thing to do as a parent is let go of Satan’s plan of control. Very, very hard!

I appreciate the reminder about apologies. I so understand the mindset of your dad. That’s exactly how I used to think as a traditional believer and with her when she was little. Gratefully with my two boys I have practiced apologies and unconditional love from the beginning, which has made all the difference.

I will make sure I am liberal with the apologies and expressions of how far I missed the ideal. Here’s what I often say to my boys.

“What I did was wrong. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what would have been the right thing to do, and sometimes I just run out of understanding, and my love and knowledge aren’t enough. I’m going to keep praying and learning, and I hope to do better. But I want you to know that that behavior of mine was wrong, and not the way the Father would treat you if he were here.”

Tom

Model repentance verbally and openly.

Have you ever shared with her the biological and experiential aspect of your struggle? Does she understand the biological and experiential aspect of her own struggle?

Finally, I believe strongly that the Atonement / grace covers those things that are “natural” within us that we didn’t choose consciously – that the manifestations of Adam’s transgression in our individual lives are accounted as transgressions to us, NOT sin. Therefore, I believe you can tackle this shortcoming proactively without “guilt”. It’s not something you chose, so it’s been forgiven already.

Hugs to you Tom. I grew up in a household where my parents never argued in front of us. I think that is good in some ways, but bad in others, because its just not natural. People argue sometimes, and how are children supposed to learn how to argue constructively if they never see it?

Likewise, children need to see their parents’ successes as well as failings. That is how they learn how to deal with each. I can guarantee you, having once been a 16 year old girl, that teen age girls often lose control of their emotions. Seeing this happen in a trusted adult can help your daughter learn how to deal with it when it happens, as well as how to clean up afterwards.

Thanks for sharing this Tom. It’s a topic I haven’t seen yet on the site. It’s a good one that effects a lot of us.

@Tom

It sounds a bit like the relationship I have with my 4 year old. Unfortunately for her and me, she’s just like me in personality. Hence we have a battle of wills. We all do things we wish we hadn’t done. I’m certainly no model parent. I have full confidence though that you know how to make it right. You’re a great inspiration to all of us here!!