Another newbie here to help and be helped

Hi! My name is Katzpur or, if you’d prefer to call me by the name my parents gave me, Kathryn. (Just don’t call me Kathy unless you expect to see the claws.)

I’m a 60-year old female living in Salt Lake City. I was raised in the Church by wonderful, active but sort of liberalish parents who encouraged me to think, question, and not simply accept everything I ever heard spoken from the pulpit. Thanks to them, I’ve survived reasonally intact. I was married in the Salt Lake Temple (allow me to name-drop, just once, by then Elder Thomas S. Monson, a friend of the family) 39 years ago to the most loving, patient man I could have ever asked for. We are the parents of two grown children, a son and a daughter, neither of whom is active in the Church. I have always believed the Church to be true, but in 60 years, I have never felt comfortable in saying “I KNOW the Church is true.” As a matter of fact, hearing other people say that is very hard for me. Hearing children say it pretty much ruins my Sunday. I can remember as a child, hearing my friends say, “I love my mom and dad and I know the Church is true inthenameofJesusChristAmen.” I used to think, “Right. All you know is what you’ve heard your parents say. You don’t even know what other churches teach! Maybe Patty knows her Church is true, too, and she’s a Catholic. Think about that!”

About fifteen years ago, I developed a real interest in LDS apologetics and have been posting for a very long time on a multi-faith religious discussion forum. Learning about the Church’s teachings, history and practices by defending it against people with an anti-Mormon agenda has strengthened my testimony considerably. I have never in my life seriously considered leaving the Church, but I’ve had unanswered questions and issues pertaining to some of the Church’s policies and practices for about as far back as I can remember. The doctrines themselves I’m pretty much fine with. As a matter of fact, I concluded a long time ago that if Mormonism isn’t true, it should be. There is not another Church on the face of the earth that I can even imagine finding more that I can agree with in terms of actual doctrine. Unfortunately, a lot of members of the Church don’t seem to make a distinction between what is doctrine and what is policy, and that’s where I get frustrated. I find myself in a constant state of conflict. I go back and forth between thinking, “I’m a bad person and an even worse Mormon. Why can’t I be like everybody else?” and thinking, “What is it with these narrow-minded, self-righteous people! Why doesn’t anybody in this Church ever think?”

So anyway, as the title of my intro states, I’m here to help and be helped. Hopefully I’ve found a two-way street and will soon find a kindred spirit or two.