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I was once a good and faithful member, I attended my meetings, I fulfilled my callings and I was married in the temple. Then my eternal marriage ended, my faith in the local church leadership was shaken and the adversary was standing by waiting with open arms for me to fall. That was almost 30 years ago. I have thrown off the chains of the adversary and climbed out of his darkness. Now I stand at the crossroads to renew my struggle with trust and faith in local church leadership. I have faith, I believe and I have a knowledge that cannot be deinded. So why am I having such a hard time forgiving and forgetting? I guess I still have a chain locked around one ankle.
I guess I’ll just keep praying and have faith that lord will to help me resolve my conflict.
It’s been a long hard journey I hope I can make it the rest of the way!
Welcome here, Ric. I wish you the best. I hope you spend lots of time doing those things that lift and tune your soul. Welcome ric. Have you been able to seperate out your beliefs in God and His plan from the church and the church leadership? Or does that all go together for you. Sounds like you’ve had years of experiences and are still trying to find peace. Bravo for your continued efforts! I sometime wonder if I should just forget it all and focus on work or whatever and stop trying to figure out the spiritual stuff…but I can’t seem to let go, I want to continue to try to be right with God, and I think it helps me be happy, so I keep trying but there are always ups and downs.
I look forward to hearing more of your ideas and your perspectives. I hope you feel free to ask questions about anything so we can discuss and learn from the discussions. Thanks for being here.
rlc wrote:I was once a good and faithful member, I attended my meetings, I fulfilled my callings and I was married in the temple. Then my eternal marriage ended, my faith in the local church leadership was shaken and the adversary was standing by waiting with open arms for me to fall.
That was almost 30 years ago. I have thrown off the chains of the adversary and climbed out of his darkness. Now I stand at the crossroads to renew my struggle with trust and faith in local church leadership. I have faith, I believe and I have a knowledge that cannot be deinded. So why am I having such a hard time forgiving and forgetting? I guess I still have a chain locked around one ankle.
I guess I’ll just keep praying and have faith that lord will to help me resolve my conflict.
It’s been a long hard journey I hope I can make it the rest of the way!
Good to see you, ric. Sounds like you are in a good place. How we relate to the institution is a tough sticking point for many people. Our lay ministry is absolutely a strength to the Church, but not without some bumps along the way.Have you read this post yet?
http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=624http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=624” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.staylds.com/?page_id=29http://www.staylds.com/?page_id=29” class=”bbcode_url”> Best wishes, and welcome!
HiJolly
Welcome Ric. Hi rlc! Yes, sometimes I think being human is our greatest challenge – and then I also think it’s our greatest blessing.
Welcome!
You’re right. You are at a crossroads. It’s time to make a firm descision. If you want to chose the route of faith in the church and it’s teachings you have to close that door of unbelief, meaning there is no more one foot in and one foot out anymore. It is all a choice, even your struggles are a choice. This life in God’s plan is all about faith. You DO NOT need to be sure of the detail when you make the commitment. Just commit to or commit not to. We all must make the choice.
Commiting to doesn’t mean full steam ahead at full power. Who has the strength to do that? God is our teacher and guide but don’t be like that wave of the sea, “For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.” You have to make the descision and stick with it. We all deal with doubts and all the other baggage but what’s the point of being indescive. Chose your direction and go with it. It’s your time.
Hi Ric. What if you decided to just be ok with where you are today? You said you climbed your way out of darkness. Well, that is something tremendous as far as I can see. I think we should celebrate that! And then I think we just go to the next thing when its time…with courage and determination and with our goals in sight. And maybe all the forgiveness will come to you as you just keep moving forward.
Sometimes I think we mormon kinds forget that we are all in process. We get caught up in arrivals and destinations and how thing look. But I have decided that in earth life we really see very few of those and if we do they are short lived because life takes us to our next lessons quickly. It’s kind of like being perpetually in unchartered territory and most of us are winging it.
And I think that kind of thinking helps me when I look and evaluate others around me and stuff they do, including church leadership. They are in process too. I know I fall and blow it and I know I have been hurtful to others….something that makes me sad and even embarrassed. But I know my motives and my good intentions and I see how they just weren’t enough sometimes but that I am ok anyway. Maybe it is that way with priesthood. Maybe they deal in partial blindness, if you get what I mean. They can’t read our hearts and really know what our needs are, unless of course the Spirit opens them to a partial view. Maybe their mistakes were our lessons or tests ….or maybe the lesson was for them and I was just there as a witness. I don’t know. I just know that if I am in process and falling on my face regularly, then they are too. And if that circumstance is ok for me, then it must be ok for them as well. This helps me move towards forgiveness.
I was hurt by priesthood too. I have a nice little score card with 6 B’s and 2 SP’s who blew it beautifully with my case. I was raised (by my mother) to idealize them and to trust their counsel and to do as they directed (like a good little girl). I knew logically that they were just men doing the best they could, but I think when the rubber hit the road I expected more out of them than they had capacities to fill. I thought that when I walked into their offices they would always say the right thing all the time or I assumed they would “always have the spirit to be with them”. I learned differently.
So, they hurt me and it rocked my testimony for a while. But maybe I needed to learn what Heber was just talking about — learning to separate my testimony of eternal truth from the fallen and struggling world of humans and churches they attempt to run. And perhaps I need to learn to trust the arm of the Lord more and lean less on the arms of the flesh, even if those arms are wearing a blue suit and a church title.
I love how you said you just have things you know. Me too. So…..I suppose you and I just need to build on that foundation and then maybe we can leave others and all their weakness to the Lord to sort out.
Welcome to the forums. Looking forward to hearing about the next chapters of your journey. Chapter 1: Climbing Out Of Darkness and coming to a crossroads. What is the title of Chapter 2?
Welcome. I’m glad you are here. On the topic of “trust and faith in local leadership,” it seriously helped me to get there by lowering my expectations dramatically. They are just regular everyday people who have volunteered (and were called) to fill a role in the local Church community. I am quite happy and comfortable with my local ward and the leadership. I know I disagree on some views they personally have about some things, but that just is what it is. It doesn’t have to bother me. They do the best job they can administering the programs of the Church. They are sincere and honestly trying to do what is right. I admire that. The world is messy enough. I applaud anyone who jumps in, rolls up their sleeves and at least tries to make the world a better place. When it comes to big spiritual issues, and needing personal revelation and insights into problems, I just see them as they are (as best I can). Sometimes they provide insight. If it is something really important though, I *MUST* figure it out myself through my own prayer, study and contemplation.
Hi Ric I have heard it said that the Church is true from the Ward on down and perhaps that is key focus for some of us for awhile. I do have a very “hard line” Bishop when it comes to doctrine but he is absolutely loving and wants only the best for his members. I have pretty well lost all confidence in Home Teachers but have built up a newwork of members who are ready to help, that is perhaps a starting point, just getting to know new friends and sharing with them.
Spiriual answers seem to always be a paradox in that they just seem to fail simple logic tests. I guess what I’m getting at is the when I need help and set out to get it, I may or may not find what I feel I need. But…if I apply myself to helping others, the help I need seems to always be taken care of.
It is indeed a “long road back” and it’s always a different place when we arrive. Welcome Ric.
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