Jordan

Welcome, Jordon! I am relatively new here as well, but you will find this to be a wonderful place for supporting your faith when you no longer fit the Stage 3 Mormon mold (you’ll find we quote Fowler’s Stages of Faith around here alot, too).

Welcom Jordon

As another less than two weeks new comer I can promise you that you will be well received and your ideas and thoughts will be nutured. This is a great place to talk, to vent if you have to, to share problems.

By the way I can’t understand why any of you would want to listen to either the Beattles or the Rolling Stones when you could listen to Stan Rogers ( you can hear a bit of his “Northwest Passage” in this YouTube : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rz6vU1iSA0k ) .

Jordan who?

Hey, the jedi/zen master has returned! Good to see you again!

Jordan who?

Hey, the jedi/zen master has returned! Good to see you again!

HA!

When I saw you were still around Orson, I took a deep breath and knew that all was right in the world, ……are you one of the 3 nephites?….

……are you one of the 3 nephites?….

😆 . . . 😳

No really, of Shadrach & Meshack I’d be the “Billygoa-Ta” (and I’m sure I’d miss the ark)

(have you seen the brother Cecil Watkins clip? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmmyAsv_mNw )

-I’ve learned so much. I cherish this struggle. It’s changed the PURPOSE of truth for me. Having the truth used to mean I was right. Now truth is only useful if it leads to that which is good. It’s better to be good than right.

Truer words were never spoken!

-I love Mormonism. I love many things. I’m really excited to build on this with you all.

Great to have you here. Thanks for your intro!

Okay. Here’s my story, the long version.

When I first stumbled on James Strang and post-martyrdom Mormonism, my life spiraled out of control. Weeks studying, reading, trying the old rationalizations, failing, reading more, rearranging my entire brain, reprogramming and rebooting. One night I looked in the mirror (I really did this), and I asked myself if I was willing to be truly intellectually honest. I was trembling as I did – because I knew that if I continued down this road I had to be willing to say goodbye to the church. I had to be willing to let it all go. And I said yes, I would be honest with myself. I would leave the church if that’s where this road led. I was instantly flooded with relief, and I continued studying. That is the night of my second birth.

So, I continued studying, and I was in despair. I didn’t know what or who to believe. Couldn’t trust JS, the BofM, modern prophets, etc. But it went further, I couldn’t trust the Bible, my previous experiences with the Spirit, I couldn’t trust whether or not there was a God. Everything, not just Mormonism, crumbled for me.

So, I asked what the hymn asks – where could I turn for peace? I did more reading and research, I began my career in psychiatry, thinking that if there’s any wisdom to be had on earth, maybe there’s some there.

After a while (there’s more to it) I came to believe that there is one thing works without fail, and that’s Christ – his message of forgiveness, repentance, charity, hope. I grabbed it because it was the only solid thing left. Everything else was dust, but I KNEW that Christ’s message was the perfect balm for the soul. I said to myself that I was going to chase Christ for the rest of my life.

To my GREAT surprise, I found Christ all over Mormonism. I saw it all with new eyes, like one of those cheesy computer generated “Magic Eye” pictures where, if you blur your eyes, you finally see some weird donkey or a palm tree or something – I saw Christ all over Mormonism, as if it was all specifically designed for this. The Book of Mormon has it, Helaman 5:12. The Bible, in Matthew 5. Modern prophets, in their admonitions of kindness, forgiveness. Faith, hope, charity, love, all that jazz. It’s like I saw life, the church, the universe for their real purpose now, for the first time. Christ teaches us the path to joy and goodness. Truth exists to help us build joy and goodness. Sin is nothing more than that which gets in the way of joy and goodness. Repentance is getting rid of things that keep us from joy and goodness.

So, the intellectual controversies never went away. Modern prophets are still fallible; the Book of Mormon, Bible, BofA all still stand on tenuous historicity; Joseph Smith and Brigham are still mysteries; well-meaning and misguided church leaders still make mistakes; most members don’t know JS was a polygamist – yes – but this is man, not God. People are people. We are all a bunch of rookies on earth doing our best. God will forgive me my many faults and will forgive that well-meaning misguided bishop and will forgive the blood sucking pagan and will forgive James Strang. We are not judged on whether we are right, because being right by itself has no meaning. We are judged on whether we’re trying to be good.

I used to love the church. Now I’m use the church for what, I think, it was essentially created to do. Now I use the church and love the gospel. ….. And suddenly I’m free to love the church with a whole new, truer love.

A good retort is that the church may not foster transcendent thinking. Why stay in a church that does not foster this?

Well, first, nobody fosters this. This is the very solitary journey of the soul. I’m not sure any group can teach someone to be truly solitary. Some may do it better than others, but . . . this is hard for the episcopalian, the Buddhist, the atheist.

Second, it’s like once I left the cave, once I saw things for how they really are, I couldn’t fault anyone that’s still in the cave for doing what they do, thinking what they think, because they are doing the best with what understanding they have. In the meantime, I’m going to chase the Christianity of a flawed planet earth.

So, I see controversy. I do not dismiss it. I have no answers for it. But I do not need answers anymore, because I do not let the controversy distract me from my new purpose, from the balm of my soul, from the very real Christianity that is in Mormonism (and elsewhere). And I’ve gradually become so very grateful for this whole process, glad it happened. Life’s better, not easier, but so much better.