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i have gone through a tough year with some very agonizing health concerns which is and of thememselves aren’t the problem, but the totally uninspired spiritual help from my ward leaders has left me feeling pretty flat about the much talked about revelation and inspired leaders who are there for us when we are in need of help. i have poured out my heart and soul to the bishop, first and second councilors and the elders quorum president about the extreme physical pain that i have suffered from and even though i have always done everything ever asked of me and prayed and prayed but to so avail the pain was still there and the ward leaders were not. Marvin, Welcome. I hope you can begin to find peace, even if your physical pain never ends completely.
I’m trying to understand your situation more fully. You say you poured out your soul to multiple leaders, and it appears they listened and attempted to provide support and counsel, but then you say they weren’t there. Are you saying they (and/or your prayers) should have been able to stop your physical pain?
Can you share a little more about the situation, so we can understand more fully what you mean?
Marvin, it sounds like you’ve been through some tough times. I had a bishop in Augusta who told us not to rely on the arm of flesh, because we will often be disappointed. I encourage you to rely on Christ to get you through this difficult time. I hope that we can help, and you find inspiration and comfort here. I’m sorry to hear that your leaders aren’t providing the comfort you seek, but I hope you don’t judge them too harshly. I can remember being on my mission with a companion who was really homesick. I was not at all, and it was really hard for me to identify with him. I did my best, but I know I was not as comforting as his family whom he missed dearly. I really felt like a fish out of water, and knew I had deficiencies, but had no idea how to help him. I suspect some of your leaders may feel the same way.
Before my mission, I remember talking to a guy about missions, and he said “you can never understand a mission until you go.” He was right. Since then, I have lost a brother and a sister to death. My wife has never had anyone close to her die. (She had a grandmother die, and I have too, but it’s not even in the same league.) I suspect that these leaders just can’t comprehend the pain you’re going through. Frankly, while I want to understand, I don’t think I can fully appreciate your difficulties either, because I haven’t experienced it. Once again, I’m trying to help you, but often I feel like I don’t know what to say.
I will say that when my brother died, I talked to a grief counselor. She was wonderful. It was still incredibly painful. I know my brother’s widow attended some support groups which she found helpful. Perhaps a support group is something you could consider. Sometimes they are the only ones who truly understand what you’re going through. There is strength in numbers, and I hope you find a supportive environment here.
Dear Marvin, I hear you. My work has brought me in contact with some people who suffer agonizing pain. I’m thinking of the burn unit at the University of Utah and some of the Rehabilitation Units for wounded Veterans and those that have been in automobile accidents. Then there are those with chronic inflammatory diseases, degenerative joint disease, tuberculosis, Lyme Disease, genetic illness, cancer etc.
My own mother suffered from intense pain for four years before she died at the age of 37. I was ten, but I remember hearing her crying at night when she thought that we were all asleep. During the day, she acted very brave, but at night, she would break down and cry to my father.
As an adult, I think I really look back and wonder, “what could we have done differently?”. It has made me who I am. My older sister is an R.N. and started her own Home Health Care Business and both my brother and sister want to open up a Nursing Home for the Elderly. They are very compassionate. Pain management became extremely important to all of us. I remember days when my own mother couldn’t get out of bed to care for us without suffering from excruciating pain. My grandma would come up and help. I was actually relieved when my mother died because she was finally out of pain.
But, you know what? Death shouldn’t be the only escape from pain. Addictive drugs or alcohol just make matters worse. I have really come to prefer a more natural approach. I do the following:
1. Determine if their is an infection which is causing inflammation.
2. Reduce and control inflammation.
3. Control degenerative joint and bone disease
4. Manage Clinical Depression and Anxiety
5. Stretch and strengthen muscles and avoid muscular and soft tissue injury
6. Improve the circulatory system – increase blood flow
7. Control coagulation disorders
8. Manage autoimmune disease
9. Avoid injuries
My list goes on.
Now, I’m NO DOCTOR!! I can’t give any medical advice over the internet. I am not legally allowed to diagnose people – especially over the internet. What I do know is who to take patient to. I know many physicians because I perform Medical Laboratory Diagnostic Testing. I know which physicians treat what conditions.
The Church can give you sympathy, love, support, but if you DO have some medical condition, they really can’t be of any more use to you. If you would like very specific information on what you CAN do to help yourself, as a patient, I will be glad to help you. Just send me a message.
i guess a little back ground on the pain would help. i have a crushed vertibra and ostioarthritis in my hips and knees. i have had injections in the nerves in my back around the vertibra and while the intence pain has subcided, it still acahs on and off. the biggest issue with my local leaders in when i was going through so my pain i went to them for sprititual help, because i prayed and prayed and didn’t receive any releif and wanted to know what i was doing wrong. i felt as though if the pain wouldn’t let up i wanted to end it to escape the pain and even though i told my leaders that they didn’t seem to care and made no suggestions. what ever happened to our leaders being open to revilation and inspiration???? not one of them ever sought me out to check and see if me pain has inproved or if my struggle with the spritual feed back i wasn’t reviecing has changed. while i want to beleive that God cares and is there i now know that the leaders aren’t. Marvin, I think you’re being a little hard on your leaders. I think you need to talk to someone along the lines of MWallace–I think she is giving you some excellent advice. Perhaps the spirit is directing you here? While I know the pain affects your spirit, your spiritual leaders just aren’t qualified to handle a pain issue, yet you sound like that was your expectation. They can’t prescribe you medication. Giving you blessings is nice, but unless God heals you, what else can they do? They can pray for you, but I think you’re expecting more out of them than is reasonable. I’m sorry they weren’t more comforting, but really, outside of a miracle, what did you expect? Were they supposed to call you daily? Did you ask them to do that, or did you expect them to offer?
I’m really sorry to hear about your pain–it sounds awful. I’d hate to go through such an experience, and I wish you well.
Marvin, are you open to the idea that they were there – but that they simply couldn’t (and still can’t) give you what you wanted (and still want)? I’m going to say this carefully, but are you open to the possibility that they couldn’t give you what you wanted because what you want might not be what you need – or what is in the realm of what is possible for you to receive?
Is it possible for you to remain in pain for the rest of your life and still believe in God and inspired leaders – or does your “testimony” rest only on a miraculous healing of some kind or another?
Are you ok with relying on faith in the unseen, or do you want undeniable knowledge based on the miraculous?
Your situation is extreme, so I am not asking these questions lightly, but I don’t equate effort with healing quite as starkly as is implied in the New Testament. I remember very well a blessing in which a sister was told that she would suffer for the rest of her life. (Later, I learned that the cause of her suffering was depression, but I didn’t know that when the words came out of my mouth). She then was told that the joy she would feel when her suffering finally ended would be even more exquisite than the pain she had endured.
What is relevant, perhaps, for you is that she totally tuned out the promise of great joy when she heard that her suffering would not end (literally not hearing that glorious promise) – since what she needed (that promise of future joy) didn’t match what she wanted (someone to bless her to be healed). It was only years later, when I mentioned how wonderful that blessing had been, that she told me how much she had hated it – and I was able to explain to her what she had missed when it was given.
I don’t know if that experience is relevant to your situation at all, but I think there is great power in it if you will consider some of the lessons that can be taken from it.
Marvin wrote:i have gone through a tough year with some very agonizing health concerns which is and of thememselves aren’t the problem, but the totally uninspired spiritual help from my ward leaders has left me feeling pretty flat about the much talked about revelation and inspired leaders who are there for us when we are in need of help. i have poured out my heart and soul to the bishop, first and second councilors and the elders quorum president about the extreme physical pain that i have suffered from and even though i have always done everything ever asked of me and prayed and prayed but to so avail the pain was still there and the ward leaders were not.
Hi Marvin.
I read this post and I just wanted to say that this happens to me too. My last five years has been a very painful time both physically, spiritually, and with all of my relationships in turmoil. I trusted the church. I trusted the promise of the the RS “charity never faileth” and all those admontions to “go to the bishop”. The sad results of my petitions has left me with a giant hole in my heart and has been a major component to my current church struggles. Even this last week I called the RS pres about something stupid and she told me she knew that I had been having a difficult go with my health. I was shocked to hear it as she has never approached me to ask if I was ok or how things were progressing……not as a leader or even concerned friend. I hung up wondering how this organization that has such great ideals only know how to support if someone has a baby or if someone dies! And even then all those dinners are good, but they don’t replace the love and support that a person needs to feel along with it. And the other funny thing is that I didn’t need much…..perhaps a word of encouragement or just to know that I wasn’t alone or heck! I really could have used someone to help me laugh at something….myself even. Instead, it was a very dark and lonely and isolating time. But what can we do? We just have to forgive them for not getting it…for not having the capacity to love in this way. I send lots of appealing to God to help us love each other better and then to help me not need them as much. I am getting there. Slowly.
If I can send any kind of empathy or support through this post, then I do. I think I know a little of how you feel. I have chronic pain and can’t do what I used to. Sometimes I get sad or mad or frustrated. Other times the pain feels like a wise teacher that has helped me develop patience and other refining lessons. And then other days I am just a big fat whimp and I want God to intervene and make it all go away.
Blessings.
Beautifully said, Poppyseed. poppysead, thanks, it’s nice to know that i am not alone in the dark but others are there too. i don’t spend all day e-mailing everyone and their dog, so i guess by reading some of the other posts i didn’t make my feelings very clear i am not after simpothy, but spritual answers and at night when the pain comes back to know that someone cares. i have done what i can to help deal with the phycial pain and know it will be a long long road. the hole left when the church leaders who i was told my whole life were there for me when i needed help will take a while since i see them every week and they are still unbelievably uninspired. what i have been through and still am going through isn’t so easy to describe so that it could be put adiquitly into words so that someone who isn’t here could understand. how a person feels and the long road they have traveled can’t be so eaily put into words. i know this is my trial, but that is hard to remember late at night. there can be a hundred people there, but ultimatly it is just me and my pain…
Marvin, Is it healing you want? Were you hoping the leaders would help pool their faith and give you a healing blessing? Or were you looking for ongoing empathy and support?
Yes. I have known lots of long nights ….and sometimes lonely afternoons …..when it felt like it was just me and the pain and perhaps the occasional comfort of a donut
Asking for help…..I am the last to do it because I DON’T want sympathy or pity or a hand out or someone telling me to just have a good attitude. I don’t think people know what to do with suffering like this. But there are folks out there who do know and who do have supportive wisdom to share. I wish that priesthood could open their minds. I wish that they would exercize faith and pool it with mine so that I could be healed. But that hasn’t come to pass yet. And so I plug on and I have my good days and my bad days. Today was a bad day….and a lonely day too. But maybe tomorrow will be different. And so I pick up my hope flag and fly it again, even if it is covered in bullet holes
Keep your heart up. Keep your eyes looking towards your blessings and your opportunities for growth and quiet gifts from above. We get what we need each day. I am convinced that suffering opens doors to opportunities. And talk the rest over with Father in Heaven and give Him the burden of all the people and all the stuff they do wrong and all the stuff that feels too hard and too heavy. There is comfort and relief and hope.
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