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back ground….. mormon all my life the whole shabang (is that a word?) ansesters in the Mormon Battalion, 1 of 7 kids all married in the temple (myself included) i am 29 years old, I served a mission in 1999-2001 honorably, married a beautiful deaf girl in the temple just shy of a year later, have had our own marital problems that everyone has had with late nights, and crying and hugs and making up. But over all my marriage has been a bliss. I have served in callings such as ward mission leader, young mens president, Sunday school first councilor in a large ward 2 days after I was 18. (Gosh this sounds like I am bragging when that is SOO not my attempt…) and a few others…
This spring my wife and I were watching a movie. During this typical “chick flick” of a movie I felt the “spirit” or whatever that emotion is that makes you feel good about things. After this movie and emotions I got to thinking… this was a “bad” mormon movie, premartial sex, cussing, drinking, etc… yet I still “felt” the same way I do in Church…. So then some questions popped into my head..
1. Is that the Holy Ghost? Yes doesn’t make sense, as it isn’t a good movie… and why am I feeling it now? If no, then why bother going to church?
2. If Yes, then why for the love should I go to church when i can watch a blockbuster with my wife…
3. If no then why bother at all?
After this I spoke with my “close” mormon friend trying to sort things out, to no avail…
Since then I met with my Bishop, and spoke with him he told me to try a bunch of things, which I did but didn’t feel like any of it helps.
Since then I have met a lot with my stake president, he told me to do a bunch of things, which I did over and over until finally I emailed him and said I’m done. How long should I do things you tell me to do and go to church without any “witness” of my faith? I go to church and I cringe hearing this little children like myself younger “I’d like to bare my testimony that I KNOW this church is true…”…
I have tried reading my scriptures everyday, I have tried going by the river and praying and “pouring” my soul to God. I have yelled at him, I have pleaded, I have begged, I have bribed, (As king lamoni’s father will give all my sins to know thee… not that I am a sinful man really…) Threatened to leave the church, I have gotten blessings, I have just come to the conclusion either A. God hates me and doesn’t want to answer me. Or B. God doesn’t exsist. Or C. God does exsist just doesn’t care about me individually.
I guess the struggles I am going through pale in comparison to some. The last six months have been very hard on my wife, as she cries at night asking if she thinks we will be married for time and all eternity, and my honest answer is no…. As a whole we have good communication, and our marriage is strong, but I see the pain in her eyes…Since then I have not been to church except for maybe once or twice as tokens to appease my precious wife…
Lately I’ve been finding myself telling my family and their distance from me (which is normally a very close knit family) except a few. So then I asked them not to tell and have lied in telling them I’m going back to church… (they live 2,000 miles away)
At first when I made this decision to not go to church anymore or care/worry that God is there or loves me made me feel RELIEF! I wasn’t Wallowing in misery anymore, I wasn’t crying and begging and pleading for an answer I wasn’t yelling at the sky so my neighbors complain “why aren’t you answering me” but as the months move on, I’m starting to feel worse then when I was struggling.
I just read howtostay.html from my bishop’s email forward and I have to say some of that really touched home with me. I don’t feel like any that specifically answered my questions, but it pursued me enough to join your little community here, and I have read most of the intros on the first page. I can relate to some of them, and can’t to some of them…. But after reading how their intros were considered and welcomed I thought I should give it a whirl, what could I loose?
Welcome to the community. I hope you will find some support here. I would highly recommend the forum FacesEast.org for your wife, if she is having difficulties with your disaffection. It is a great, supportive forum for believing spouses of disaffected mormons. I think it will be helpful for your relationship and for both of you.
Welcome Marcus! Each of us here has a different “take” on the church, but all have a continuing connection. There’s really not much you can say that will surprise most of us…so I hope you’ll feel free to speak your feelings. I see this forum as therapy; and we all know that in therapy the most important process is saying our piece! Btw, I had a similar experience as you wrt watching movies. I love chick-flicks! It’s really quite funny…my wife and I go to a chick flick — I’m bawling, she’s stone-faced stern the whole time. Maybe I’m really gay, but I’m just not attracted to guys! Go figure! Anyway, my most spiritual experiences have been in good movies…and I really believe they ARE spiritual!
Most of us have had challenges with the “norm” in the church. Some have reconciled the feelings and evolved to an attitude that is comfortable continuing in activity, Others haven’t. Personally, I don’t think it matters which YOU choose, as long as you find what works for you individually. For example, I’ve been impressed that many here have agreed that gays might be best to leave the church with today’s teachings…with a hope that eventually “it” will change. I’m one of those.
So the bottom line is, use this forum to find what works for you. Ask questions, express your feelings, realize that what we say is our experience — not to be taken as what YOU should be feeling. That’s only for you to know and discover.
Good luck…and welcome!
Welcome to the forum. I hope we can be a support to you, and I’m excited to have you join. I also want to second Mister Curie’s recommendation of Faces East for your wife. thank you for that, next time it comes up I’ll talk to my wife about it. just bringing something up like that makes me feel guilty though… sheesh. Welcome to the community here Marcus. I know how rough it is going through all this. I hope we can act as a sounding board. The community here is aware of all the difficult issues, and familiar with a lot of the same questions and concerns. So at least we aren’t going to freak out if you talk about them. We can’t really tell you the new “correct” answer. You will figure it out. Make sure to take things slow, take your time and sort it out. And I would definitely recommend showing extra love and attention to your wife. It sounds like you are handling that good. As you can see, this is very traumatic for spouses when views on faith become different.
My heart goes out to you.
thank you V. okay well I guess I’ll post my first thought/concern in a more appropriate forum and I hope to hear some thoughts, constructive criticisms, advice, similar stories. I feel this place has already done me some good with the 6 hours of reading over other people’s concerns and thoughts. I always thought support groups for lack of a better word were “silly” but just the fact that there are other people that have gone through similar things so you know they wont’ JUDGE YOU alone is tremendous. Welcome, Marcus! There’s been lots of us with similar situations so spend some time checking out those threads. They are amazingly helpful. And I’ll second what someone else said, go slow and look inward. Sometimes looking outward or upward for God, takes us away from HIm.
marcus wrote:
I have tried reading my scriptures everyday, I have tried going by the river and praying and “pouring” my soul to God. I have yelled at him, I have pleaded, I have begged, I have bribed, (As king lamoni’s father will give all my sins to know thee… not that I am a sinful man really…) Threatened to leave the church, I have gotten blessings, I have just come to the conclusion either A. God hates me and doesn’t want to answer me. Or B. God doesn’t exsist. Or C. God does exsist just doesn’t care about me individually.Yeah, welcome Marcus. Loved your intro. Honest and clear.
And I loved how you described your thought process above. Many of us relate. It’s my hope that over time as you explore the site and your soul, you’ll see more options emerge. Tough road. Glad you’re here.
Marcus, welcome to the forum. I like your “catchy” subject line! I was impressed at your honest post. To me, it shows how deeply you think and ponder about spiritual things and the feelings you get. Understanding revelation is a difficult thing, IMO. I have started seeing many times I think there are just feelings I get, and other times I still believe I have had answers to my prayers…and it is hard to distinguish them…sometimes I think the only thing different is I choose to believe some are from outside of me and some are from inside me. And that sits ok with me, because it is “personal” revelation…so I take it personal and define it personally.
I went through a similar thought process on God when I was in need of answers and got none. Your options you presented:
marcus wrote:I have just come to the conclusion either A. God hates me and doesn’t want to answer me. Or B. God doesn’t exsist. Or C. God does exsist just doesn’t care about me individually.
I’ve struggled through trying to make sense of it, and I think I see some other options besides these A, B, and C above.
Have you read or listened to Fowler’s Stages of Faith yet? There is good stuff there. I think for me personally, another option D is God does exist, He does love me, and He loves me enough to not answer me. As hard as that has been for me, I think it has led to me pushing myself to find some new answers I couldn’t find in the scriptures or the sunday school classes.
I look forward to hearing more of your story…and I pray you and your wife can be happy together now and in the eternities.
God bless you…I think He wants to. Welcome.
Hello guys, I wanted to just touch bases with you and let you know what was going on. I am currently listening to what was recommended (Fowler) stages of faith… and been looking at some other books or something that might work… any suggestions would be great. Marcus I have been thinking that the book, The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck might be a good read for you. It is a paperback and fairly cheap as well, here is the Amazon.com link ( http://www.amazon.com/Road-Less-Traveled-25th-Anniversary/dp/0743243153/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255442785&sr=1-1
Quote:Life is difficult.
catchy huh😆 .But he goes on to persuasively argue that if we really understand that life is difficult, that there will be problems, that there will be pain and sorrow, then we gain the capacity to both survive them and grow through them. I’m halfway through and find that I am highlighting stuff on almost every page, he is a good writer with lots to say.
i second that recommendation
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