- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Things at my ward have been pretty crazy, pretty much coinciding directly with my growing disaffection. Our Bishop graduated from graduate school and was leaving, so they released the Bishopric. Then we had Stake Conference and General Conference and we still don’t have a Bishop. So, for some reason, it feels like everything has been thrown off schedule for the past month or so. But inevitably things are going to settle back down once we get a Bishop, but I feel that I have utterly transformed (and I am continuing to transform) during this period of time (just 7 weeks ago I was TBM when DW announced her disaffection and started my journey to disaffection). So, in anticipation of things settling back to normal in the ward, I wonder what I am going to have to deal with as people begin to realize my disaffection. So I wonder: how do you think people view you in the ward?Do they still think you are:
– TBM
– Inactive due to a poor testimony/weakness in sin
– that strange person at church with some wacky ideas
– full blown apostate
– something else?
Honestly, I think most people define me how I define myself – which is something to ponder, I think. They all think I am TBM (still). Old-Timer wrote:Honestly, I think most people define me how I define myself – which is something to ponder, I think.
So you’re one of those wacky guys with the crazy ideas? Just kidding!
😆 I prefer “nice guy” with the crazy ideas. 😥 Old-Timer wrote:I prefer “nice guy” with the crazy ideas.
😥 Sorry to hurt your feelings. I think your a very nice guy.
We recently moved to a new ward where we are still mostly thought of as odd TBM’s I think. Then again, one of my friends told me that before I moved in she was the ward “hippie” but I have usurped her place so I am now the ward “hippie”. I have no idea if this has anything to do with my less than orthodox beliefs or my obsession with ethic food and brewing kombucha in my kitchen 
Of all the options you gave, I suppose I would have to choose: – Inactive due to a poor testimony/weakness in sin
However, I honestly don’t know if most of the members of my ward even realize I haven’t attended meetings in 7 months. I taught Primary for 17 years, and there are only a very few people at church that even know my name, but those that do know me surely must think I am an inactive sinner. To be perfectly honest…they would pretty much be correct to think so.
It’s almost impossible to hurt my feelings. What I meant is that most people don’t see me as crazy, because I don’t rant and challenge and act crazy. I act like a fully-believing member (which I am, just on my own terms), so they see me as such. I’m calm and usually gentle and smile all the time and am happy and act in a friendly manner, so that’s how they see me. I’m not a threat in ANY way to anyone at church, so they don’t see me as one.
I really do think that others tend to see us as we see ourselves – and the real issue is that the manner in which they view themselves reacts to and interacts with how I see myself. To some who are insecure, my confidence can come across as arrogance; to those who are assured of something different than I am (and whose assurance depends on not being challenged by a different assurance), I can come across as a foe – but that almost never happens at church, since our foundation assurance is the same); to others who are insecure (and especially who feel unloved or lonely), my smiles and hugs make them gravitate to me for more of that; etc.; etc.; etc.
Too few people really understand exactly how much power we can have over the perceptions of others, and too many people blame others for how they are perceived and treated. Do we have total control over these things? Absolutely not. Should we have total control in this regard? Absolutely not. Do we have ultimate responsibility for how we are viewed and treated **generally**? Yes, imo.
Very good points Ray. Thanks! I actually think about half of the people in my ward have issues with some stuff. But I am probably the most vocal about having doubts and not “knowing.” To others with doubts, I think that I am viewed as being brave and extremely honest. To some TBMs, I think they are afraid of what I think. There may be some that think that I am a sinner but I don’t care at all. I don’t think anyone sees me as being a TBM. Any negative sentiment doesn’t matter to me. I am well liked by the people for whom their opinions matter to me. What a great question. From the feedback I have gotten over the years, I think people think I am a very strong, courageous, independent thinker who loves to relate the gospel to real life. I did this when I taught Gospel Doctrine for 4 years or any other class I taught for years in Relief Society. I challenge people to think and I am a bit of a rabble rouser and have gotten in trouble for that at times. I think our ward thinks of my husband as an intellectual who over analyizes things and it makes it difficult for him to believe or feel the spirit. Some know we struggle with the church and its teachings and have been very kind about it. My husband was on the stake high counsil so stake leaders always ask me how he is doing. One of his friends on the high council talked at length to him about his struggle and how its been since leaving the church. He expected my husband to say how empty his life was now, and how miserable it had become and how spiritually low he is now (a common belief that your life will fall apart if you leave the church). He was surprised when my husband told he was actually much happier and more at peace and that our marriage was better. Sometimes, my husband thinks members think he left because they think he might be gay (he is not) but because our son is gay they think he may be. I am sure they think we are odd and feel uncomfortable at times around us (fear we may shake their testimonies). They do not like it when we bring up difficult questions or things that might put the church in a bad light. They love to explain it away. Because, we were both such responsbile, likeable, compentent serving members, they would like to have us back into the fold.
What I usually hear is that people see me as more intellectual than most (or I know more about church stuff), confident, outspoken but kind, comfortable in my own skin, and a bit of a cut up. If people were to accuse me of a sin, it would probably be loud laughter. hawkgirl….I like women like you. I love using humor to make a point too. Wish we could all meet somewhere someday. Well, I’m definitely considered one of the oldest members. I was once considered a widower, till my ex-wife began attending the ward. I think some members are uncomfortable with it (we actually get along fine). I recall a sister walking right up to me and demanding to know who Mrs. George is when the ex first moved in. I am considered a loner. With my open hatred of prop 8, there are some members who don’t say hello anymore. My high priest group leader glares at me, but that is because of my non-attendance in priesthood. I have a small network of friends at church and it works for me. They are in the liberal camp (if there are camps (clicks) at church. Sometimes I feel like a clay pigeon, a target for the marksmen of the ward. I love my bishop. He never counsels, just practices unconditional love.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.