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Yesterday at Church, I left absolutely disgusted. I walked out of the second hour, unable to bare any more. I was told 30 seconds before going into Sunday School that the Bishop had “called my wife and I to a new marital relations class.” This was loudly proclaimed by a counselor to the Bishop in the hallway, suggesting that perhaps we have relationship problems. This left a big chip on my shoulder. I walked into class upset as it was, and then the topic started to digress to the “Proclamation on the Family.” Within minutes, gaybashing began before changing to birth control. The brother who gave the lesson said that it was “evil and not approved of.” He also argued that couples with problems should seek to have a child. I could take no more. I raised my hand and told him that he was out of line. The Church has no business getting into a private affair that is SO personal. I told him that it was asinine to place a child into home where a couple is not first emotionally stable. That is why there are so many single parent homes these days. To exacerbate matters, he continued by stating that only the Lord decides when a child comes to the earth. Again, I rudely interrupted, telling him how ridiculous the statement was, failing to take biology into consideration. He should have understood this being a medical doctor. I believe he was well-intentioned, but I left quite disgusted. Your thoughts? Tigger that is an experience I would not want to endure and I suspect I would have replied and acted much like you did. I might have managed to get out before I said anything or more likely neither myself nor my wife would ever show up for the class because we are quirky enough in our ward anyway. I am sorry this happened to you and hope that there are not more problems coming out of it for you. In all honesty like many people on the board I haven’t gone to adult Sunday School for several years because it seems to be the place where the most irritation comes from. Now I am teaching the Youth Gospel Doctrine class myself so I am there but our class is a seminar on the scriptures rather than a typical lesson manual experience. I took at look at the manual for the Family Relations class and it epitomizes what I think is the worst of the Church’s approach to teaching the gospel, so scripted, so predicatable, so boring and so prone to trigger problems like yours as an inexperienced teacher struggles to get participation by playing “devil’s advocate” or working into controversial topics. Again, sorry and my thoughts are with you.
I always volunteer for the nursery – I was there for more than two years. I just prepare great lessons, bring snacks, and learn songs. Most of what Christ taught can be learned in the first 3 years of life. As all of you know, I am not into “gay bashing” and I think that it is the verbal equivalent of “throwing stones” and should only be performed by “he who is without sin”. One of societies greatest problems today is the radical departure in living the law of chastity. The law of chastity is about personal responsibility, personal accountability and keeping oneself worthy and pure. Today, the focus has changed from “how do I keep myself unspotted from the world and morally clean”?, to “how do I ensure that those pesky gays don’t get civil rights”? Hey, same problem in the Biblical times – men wanting to stone a women caught in adultery (the ultimate deprivation of civil rights) when they themselves weren’t living a morally clean life. I believe that we will not be held accountable for a gay couple in San Francisco, but we will definitely be held accountable for our own moral behavior and for how we taught our children and treated our spouses.
As for birth control, whoaaa! I can’t even begin – don’t get me started. Family planning is intimately associated with women’s health and that should be a FIRST consideration. Each and every child should be carefully planned for, that is a mother should prepare herself physically and emotionally prior to pregnancy. She should be in good basic dental and physical health. She should be free from tuberculosis and other infectious disease. Conditions such as diabetes and epilepsy should be well managed and under control – get the point. I have seen far too many women conceive children when they were in deplorable health. Some have been morbidly obese and prediabetic. The pregnancy just sends them over-the-edge into gestational diabetes, heart attack or stroke. I was Team-Leader of an OB-GYN Clinic and I saw so many tearful LDS women who had been taught that birth control was evil. One sister died of a stoke after giving birth to a premature baby. The Certified Nurse Midwives, Obstetricians and Medical Assistants just cried. This sister was older, had a house full of young children, and she was in such poor health at the beginning of her pregnancy.
Then there is the health of the Father (very important) and the siblings. This could be a very long discourse.
This reminds me of that saying “Lord, save us from your followers!” I am floored by the outlandish behavior you describe from this teacher. Gaybashing has no place at church. I would have raised my hand to remind people that there are members in that very room with gay relatives or who personally have SSA issues. On the birth control topic, again, totally out of line and wrong. Also not consistent with current teachings of the church. The church does not have an anti-birth control stance any more, and back when it did, birth control was much newer than it is now. Suggesting that a couple have a child to solve their marital problems is bad advice, certainly not anything advocated by the church. Sounds like this guy is entering the Mormon cafeteria and applying his own home-brewed Tabasco sauce liberally to everything on his plate, and offering it up to the rest of you as well.
As to the marital class – it may have seemed tactless, but I believe it was harmless for you to be invited. When these classes are formed, they don’t put people in because they need marital counseling. I think mostly they try to get a good diverse together from different stages of marriage to have discussions. The classes are pretty neutral, not therapeutic.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful is this kind of crap simply didn’t exist in the Church? I know it must exist (opposition in ALL things, you know), but . . . really . . . Sometimes, if you don’t laugh, you cry – so shake your head, roll your eyes and laugh until you get it out. It really is comical in a way. I just wish it never occurred.
Oh, and if I would have been in that class, I would have responded calmly and lovingly – but I would have responded unequivocally and directly. That’s an example of times when I just won’t sit silent. The key, imo, is learning to react in a way that has a chance of being understood and absorbed by others – and that ain’t easy, my friend. It’s a wonderful journey, but it just isn’t easy.
It reminds me of what Elder Wirthlin said about adversity: “sometimes you just have to laugh!” and obviously, whenever teachings are so off and out of line even with the current stance of the church something should be said. As far as the request to attend the mariage and family relations class, that is how it works in our stake, everyone is assigned a turn to attend that class. Nobody can think anything of it because they know their turn is coming.
Well, you’re right, we should laugh!! It is just a darn good thing that I’m not teaching that class cause I don’t care what anyone else says, “Gay men should not have abortions”! I have me standards.
lololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 Thanks for the laugh, MWallace.
Tigger, I think we should introduce the interesting folks from my kid’s seminary who perpetuate hatespeech and racism with your misguided SS teacher. Maybe they are related! 
Just wanted to chime in and agree that the invitation was probably not extended because anyone thought you had problems in your marriage. They invite all couples to go. Actually, it could just as well have been assumed that you were an example of a great couple that might help others. The other behavior though? …
😡 😡 😡 ! ! ! That sounded outrageous.They brought this up recently in my ward. I am such a stinker. I talked to the people teaching the class from the Stake in the hallway later and pointed out that this was not particularly helpful to part-member families like mine (knowing that my situation is very common in my ward). They don’t really “see” part-member families as couples, or at least they only invite active couples to the class. It is taught on Sunday, and all the material is based on very LDS-centric sources.
I’m sure that the gay-bashing discussion did not do a lot to help strengthen family relationships. I have made a personal commitment to not let discussions like that happen in church lessons without speaking up, stating that the discussion is contrary to my personal beliefs about God and if it doesn’t stop, I’m leaving. I just recently made this commitment and haven’t yet had to follow through. So we’ll see if I actually have the guts to do it. I, of course, understand that this tact is not for everybody. But I think for me, this will be better than sitting and stewing.
Join the club. I leave church disgusted quite often. LOL But seriously, we have to laugh or we’d DIE, right? The loud counselor was totally out of line. I would talk to him privately and tell him how his behaviro made you feel. That’s easier said than done, but is what the scriptures advise us to do if someone offends us. I recently did this and all turned out well. I think we are actually closer now than before.
We have never been encouraged to gay bash nor have we been told not to plan our own families in General Conference. Imperfect people have their opinions at church and it’s part of the process for all of us to learn and grow.
I would have left that class quite disgusted as well. Because I have such a loving and understanding Bishop, I would go to him and express these concerns. Hopefully your Bishop is loving and understanding as well.
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