All Hell Broke Loose Last Night…

Oh, what an unfortunate event! It really is sad when stage three TBMers come in to give service (in the form of a blessing), then chase the spirit out with confrontation. Heaven help them…they know not what they do!

It really is helpful in my life to look at them as children — not yet understanding certain things — and love them. They are doing the best they can with what they know. With that attitude, it is hard to argue with them; phrases like “I appreciate your concern, but there are things in our life that are hard to explain…and I want to keep the spirit here right now.” If they press, simply say “I understand you are doing what you think is right, but this is between God and me…I will need to work it out myself. Thank you for respecting my privacy.”

The typical Mormon is inherently codependent. He needs to fix and be fixed. You don’t need to buy into that. You can take back your own power by saying things like I mentioned. Only an arrogant fool would continue trying to control you (although I’ve known some…) after you respond with love and in kindness, rather than defensively.

Good luck!

Wow, Bridget, that’s so tough. And, I fear, it could be a future that my wife has to deal with. Who knows?

What Rix said is beautiful. I agree completely. The image thing is so, so, so, big in the church. In reality, our actions DON’T affect others. Just like their actions don’t affect us. We allow it to affect us or they allow it to affect them. It’s the individuals choice what one wants to do with any information/knowledge.

Good luck and take care of yourself, in every conceivable way!

I am so sorry to hear about your health Bridget_Night. It was nice to hear that people from your ward were willing to come and offer a blessing. It is probably hard sometimes to hold your tongue when you are in pain. We can all be taken off guard like that. It sounds like you and your husband already know the answers, and are very conscious of how you interact with others. It also sounded like you did a great job of taken back control of the situation (within yourself) to calm things and bring the spirit back.

How do I personally deal with it? I make sure to explain that I love the Church, and I like being a part of the community. I focus on the positive things. I really do want the Church to be successful. I try to remember that I basically want the same things as those other people want. We just have very different viewpoints and information at times. We’re on the same team though. I think that and say things to communicate that. It works good for me.

Just last Sunday I was meeting with the Bishop privately. He wanted me to ask my wife (who has left the Church in her mind) to come in with me so we can talk to him as a couple. He is a very nice man. I knew him for the past 4+ years before he became Bishop, and he is very realistic and compassionate. He has the best intentions, and explicitly said this was not about any kind of discipline or ecclesiastical issue. He just wanted to see if he could help her. I brought up just one example of a concern though that my wife might discuss, just to see how he would react. I’m sorry… He just had no idea what I was even talking about. He said that he wasn’t really someone that knew much about Church history… 😥

Anyway. That is what I do personally. I express my positive feelings about the Church at church. I do have them, so I don’t feel dishonest. I just don’t bother talking to people about what I really find interesting unless I know they are someone who can handle the conversation. Most can’t. That’s fine.

Thank you all so much for your responses. I guess the server must have been down on this site for a few days as I could not get in. Anyway, some good news. Either the blessing worked or the new medication kicked in or both helped, but I am feelling alive again!!! It is wonderful and I am so happy. I was on the Armour Thyroid for the past 6 years which has worked great for me. It is natural and from pigs, but the reformulation of it by forester labs really screwed thousands over like myself. Many, like me are allergic to the synthetic thyroid meds like synthroid. Anyway, this new Armour thyroid I got from Canada is working and I will give the blessing credit too. I take 90 mgs. If anyone wants the phone number or name of this Canadian pharmacy let me know, as you can no longer get the Armour thyroid in the US. And you all are correct that most members just do not understand where we are coming from. They don’t want their boats rocked. My former bishop had given me the line about ‘how its either all true or all false.” I told him I did not agree. I said Organizations and people can be part true and part false and I try to get personal inspiration to discern what I think is from God. This former bishop is going through heavy stuff right now with his daughter dying of liver cancer at 30 years old and a member of the ward has cheated him out of alot of money and gotten him in trouble with the IRS. So, I guess he does not need me to add to shaking his faith.

Bridget – so glad you are feeling better. You asked what we say in these types of situations, and I often say something similar to what Swim said – that people are each on their own path. It’s appealing on some level and self-gratifying to believe we are influential for good or bad in the lives of others, but we are not as significant as we believe, either for good or bad. People react to whatever resonates for them because they recognize what is already inside of them. You can shine a light on someone’s interior life, but you don’t make it what it is. That’s up to them.

Wow – a 2-yr old fan. I’m flattered!

My question for you all is: How do you express yourself to people who do care about you in your ward without making them so defensive or shaking their faith?

This is something I really struggle with, and I tend to err on the side of biting my tongue and not stirring the pot. Occasionally my tongue starts bleeding and I need to say something, but even then I try to be as conscientious as I can towards others.

One thing I notice people tend to get hung up on is word association. Today in Gospel Doctrine, our instructor (who I’m pretty sure is or has been working through his own disaffection) said when discussing the fall of Lucifer that he didn’t want to be “subordinate” to the Father. One of the members of the class raised his hand and said he was uncomfortable with the word subordinate and preferred the term obedient. I think when meeting with true believers on their turf (at church), it’s important to use words and phrases they’re comfortable with while expressing heterodox ideas.