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Ok, so you will think I am nuts but here goes. I received a call from our Ward executive secretary. He said the bishop wanted to see me and my husband. So now I am going crazy wondering what he wants to say. My first thought is that he wants to call me as Relief Society President. I know that may be a bit presumptuous, but I am in the Stake Relief Society and our Relief Society is way over due to be released. Or, I did tell a few people about my struggle. So, I guess one of them could have told my bishop and he is wanting to talk about that or it’s a calling for my husband. But there are no big callings open right now that would require both of us to be there.
But anyway, the reason I am writing is, what if it is for the President? I believe in total honesty, that is one of the commandments for heavens sake. How can I accept a calling like that and not believe the church is true?????. Because I really don’t right now. I just don’t think I can accept a calling without telling him how I feel.
Well, I am fasting and praying right now so please pray for me. I’m actually ready to talk to him. I’m tired of keeping this a secret.
Any comments???
My first thought is you really don’t have to be completely honest, especially if you do not deviate much (if at all) from common Mormon lifestyle practices. If you feel that you really must tell the BP everything and anything though, you should follow your heart/conscience/the Spirit. My second thought was this: The Relief Society is an amazing social service organization! I am a man, so I don’t have any real insight into the day-to-day work of a RSP. I see them organizing a LOT of compassionate service, coordinating VT and other teaching assignments, and stuff like that. Do you still believe and support that type of work? Would you enjoy that? Do you feel “called” to do that type of work? If so, honestly, I am not sure the very fine details of your doubts on certain subjects matter that much. If not, no big deal. Just say “no.” You don’t have to go into the whole dump truck full of baggage and doubts unless you want to.
Peaceandjoy you are not nuts, emphatically, so put that aside for the moment. Of course we all go paranoid 😆 when we get those kind of “heads up” appointments and I guess it is just part of the environment. You really need to be prepared but don’t be surprised if it is about your husband, there might be a major reoganization about to take place in say the elders or high priest quorum and he is being considered.I Valoel is right on, you don’t have to be “completely honest” unless that is where you really feel the most comfortable and most lead by the Spirit. I suspect that some of your anxiety is simply weariness, it sounds like you have been in a lot of serious, hard work callings in a row and may well simply need some down time.
How much have you talked about your issues with your husband? Would this kind of response be a total shock to him or would he be supportive and loving and helpful AND if you are worried about it all and want to maintain a distance between you and the bishop perhaps your husband should be the one saying no because he feels you need a rest? Just a thought,
First thanks for responding. I know it might be about my husband and then I don’t have to worry. But if it is about me then I feel a need to be prepared. My husband is very supportive. He knows everything which he sometimes doesn’t want to know. You’re right I am tired of the struggle but I am in a good position to accept this calling if just because I have the time and I do love to serve and I do believe in God and Jesus Christ. I have had too many prayers answered not to. But don’t Relief Society Presidents have to go to the temple and believe in Joseph Smith??? I just feel like I would be a hypocrite if I accepted without them knowing where I’m at in that respect. Isn’t it a criteria that you go to the temple a lot in this calling??? If you believe the church is a good place to worship Christ, then personally I would think it a blessing for you to hold a position like that. I am trying to not think about the origins of the church, but rather is it a place where I can grow in my relationship with Christ. In that light, I wonder if you could use all lessons, etc as to how it pertains with that relationship. My experience so far is that no one in the church finds it suspect that I focus on Christ and not JS or the temple. I am no expert of course, but I think the church needs people in leadership positions that “keep it close to the trunk?” Just my thoughts. Yes Phase III (what does your name mean?) That is what I was thinking but I guess I still feel like I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t tell them I don’t go to temple or believe in Joseph Smith. I guess I just have to go with the spirit. Scarey!
The name just refers to stages in my life. Good luck and keep us posted with how it goes. I wonder if the church will ever get to a point of not focusing so much on the history of the church (or lack thereof as many of us see it 
Thanks, Watch it probably won’t even be about that! There have been a lot of good thoughts so far, everyone is different. If it was me being called to a leadership calling I think being honest would have me say something like “I wonder if I’m the right choice for this calling.” I would always try to focus on the many things that I DO believe, but if pressed some things may come out that I currently have on my “mental shelf” – like the BoM historicity or “exclusive” authority from God. I don’t feel like these things can get me into trouble, because I don’t take a firm position one way or the other. I do see the BoM as scripture and I do recognize the authority of church leadership to run the church – and in many ways see that they’re inspired. In most other ways I’m just a regular “striving” or “faithful” church member. But because I cannot express certainty where other members may expect it – I wonder if I would be the right choice for a leadership calling. My random thoughts…
I agree with much of what has been said. You raised two things you thought would hold you back from being RSP: –
Belief in JS. I guess I would consider (due to the TR question), are you certain you don’t believe JS was a prophet, or are you uncertain you believe he was a prophet? If you are uncertain, that’s not nearly as difficult to navigate as RSP than if you are certain (or convinced) he was not. –
Temple Attendance. There are so many who are not comfortable with the temple, that I think you could easily say that you aren’t comfortable with the temple, so you aren’t sure that you would be ready to encourage others to attend. But you also have MANY strengths to the calling of RSP that you mentioned: your time / availability, your willingness to serve others. Those are the most important to that calling, IME. It’s their decision ultimately. I would think most, but not all, would be OK with that up-front stance. If you have uncertainty, I’d keep some of that inside, but if you are a full-on convinced unbeliever, I would probably bring that up. You don’t sound like a convinced unbeliever to me, at least not in your note above.
If it makes you feel any better I need to be honest too. It would be difficult for me as well b/c I do not wear garments. Edited to add that I believe the garment questions is pretty clear as in day/night – Which I do not do..that might to lead to questions of why it is that I do not wear them .. Which would lead to struggling with believing in the restored gospel and possibly open up to not sustaining (or trusting or caring) for the current leaders..And eventually to me not “believing” or thinking the temple is “True” or w/e .. lol .. Which might lead to having a TR being pointless and thus the interview also. I struggle greatly with “Do you believe in the restored gospel”. I like the WOW (respect it) but I have no problem drinking alcohol, tea or coffee. All of the questions can be runaround and reworded. All (most) of the questions are open.
It bothers me b/c I “Know” or I “Think” I know exactly what they “Mean”..And I am simply unorthodox and at times flatout do not “Obey” covenants. (Convenants that I don’t remember or understand, btw)
These meetings also go from Bishop to SP to GA. I would want to be honest in each interview.
Thank God DH has decided to check out other avenues other than the lds church. Bless his heart .. he is TBM.
I agree with the poster under me! It is scary but it can be done .. when you trust yourself, accept yourself and respect youself and your personal boundaries.
My response focuses on the idea of being completely honest. I guess I fail to see how not telling your Bishop all of your struggles is somehow dishonest. I don’t see how so many of us have it in our head that we have to be an open book. I like to pride myself on being open and honest as well, but to me there is a difference between being honest (the antonym of which is dishonest, or lying/cheating) and being more private (whose antonym is candor/openness). For example: if the Bishop asks me if I pay 10% of my gross income to tithing, and I say yes, I would be lying (not being honest). If the Bishop asks me if I pay a full tithe, I would say yes (according to my parsing of the law of tithing), which would be an honest response (i.e. not dishonest). OTOH, if the Bishop asks me if I pay a full tithe and I dive into my theory on why I believe I am paying a full tithe but that I’m not following the traditional interpretation, I think I’m just being foolish. Culture doesn’t completely dictate what is right and wrong. I think it plays a role in our morality, but it doesn’t dictate it.
I don’t think you are under any obligation to tell the Bishop anymore than he needs to know to assess whether or not you can do the job. To me, this does not include any uncertainties you have about our various truth claims.
All of you thank you so much for your support. We went and visited the bishop and he did ask me to be the Relief Society President. But I just felt like I needed to tell him my feelings. IT went really well. I did not accept the position and I actually felt relief. It just isn’t the time. He is such a good man and it was nice talking with him. So that is it. But thanks again. It is so nice to have somewhere to go to tell what I am thinking and feeling. Glad it went well for you. Sounds like the whole process was a great learning experience. Thanks for sharing.
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