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I ran into this forum through quite a strange route and when I began reading the various posts and topics I nearly burst into tears. Here’s my story: I was raised by a single mom (shocker in the church) and was sometimes shunned for it. I grew up quite the tomboy and partial Vulcan and always had a hard time feeling the spirit when others around me were balling their eyes out. I then went to college and eventually a mission. After I came home from my mission is when things began to go downhill for me. I interpreted for nearly a year (I served an ASL mission), then didn’t go to church for nearly a year because I worked graves. Once I did return to church I started to notice that I wasn’t feeling the spirit or the desire to go to church as much as I had.
It all came to a head about a year ago when I realized I wasn’t happy and going to church made me miserable. I didn’t have any particular questions but I just wasn’t happy. I then met my DH (who’s not a member) and married him a couple of months ago. I’m still on the path of rediscovery and I hope this forum will help me.
The reason I nearly cried when I discovered this forum is because none of my family, except for one person, knows about my crisis of faith. That one person has often criticized me and judged me unfairly for my crisis. She has also tried resolve it with simple solutions: i.e. praying, pay tithing, scripture study ect. She also tore me a new one when I started dating my husband because he wasn’t a member and how could I want to date and possibly marry someone not in the temple?
My one constant has been my DH. Since he’s not a member he’s been fully supportive of everything I’ve done with regard to the church and all my questions. I’m still in the process of figuring out where I stand on certain issues. I think once I get that figured out I can move on.
Thanks everyone
Quote:Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first stone.
Quote:Judge not, lest ye be judged.
It is not your choice that your mother was single. They have no right to pin that on you. Even so, how your mother came to be in that situation is not a simple case of right and wrong anyway, but she obviously looked after you and loved you and that is right.
Whom you marry is your choice. No one else’s. Well, your husband’s maybe! LOL
Also it sounds as if some of your critics have issues with spiritual pride. A common problem in our church… so they have at least one sin of their own.
As a postscript… I’m not married and am into SA territory.
I spoke to my bishop about this issue. He said that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing if I married outside the church. Even good for the church, since he knew a number of members who’d joined through their spouses. If you have a good marriage, no problemo… I guess the sealings could be done posthumously, if it comes to that.
Dear TataniaAvalon, Welcome. Your post touched me and I’m glad you’re here. This site has brought me a lot of peace and probably a good deal of sanity also.
You are fortunate to have a loving, supportive husband. Best wishes in this journey.
Welcome! Yes, it sounds like you have a good marriage. Treasure it.
Fwiw, I believe our temple ordinances are only a symbolic representation of our theology – and that theology says, imo, that the goal is to be “sealed” together in practical ways – to become one – and that God will not separate those who have become one, no matter their religious affiliation or lack thereof. Therefore, no matter what you decide to do about church activity, work on becoming one in your marriage, first and and foremost.
Welcome to this site. I am not much of an emotional man but when I found this site, I did cry a little. It was such a joy to find people with similar situations. I don’t relate to every situation on here but for the most part I feel the Lord touching their lives. In our church we are taught that only the most righteous can be loved and receive blessings. (I don’t believe it has ever been taught as such but that is how it has evolved nonetheless). As I read some of the posts, I feel the love the Savior has for all of us. Even those in a crisis of faith. Even those of us who have decided to take a different path. Good luck to you on your path.
TataniaAvalon wrote:The reason I nearly cried when I discovered this forum is because none of my family, except for one person, knows about my crisis of faith. That one person has often criticized me and judged me unfairly for my crisis. She has also tried resolve it with simple solutions: i.e. praying, pay tithing, scripture study ect. She also tore me a new one when I started dating my husband because he wasn’t a member and how could I want to date and possibly marry someone not in the temple?
Hi, TataniaAvalon – Glad you’re here. Finding this site was an incredible relief for me, too. Sorry about “that one person” in your life, and it’s great that your husband has your back. The other person might want to read Pres. Uchtdorf’s October, 2013, General Conference talk.
One might ask, “If the gospel is so wonderful, why would anyone leave?”Sometimes we assume it is because they have been offended or lazy or sinful.
Actually, it is not that simple.In fact, there is not just one reason that applies to the variety of situations. Some of our dear members struggle for years with the question whether they should separate themselves from the Church.
In this Church that honors personal agency so strongly, that was restored by a young man who asked questions and sought answers, we respect those who honestly search for truth. It may break our hearts when their journey takes them away from the Church we love and the truth we have found, but we honor their right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their own conscience, just as we claim that privilege for ourselves.
I love the quote Ann provided above… Welcome TA — isn’t it great? A safe place where you can be yourself? A place you can come back to share your perceptions, reflections and explore what you REALLY believe??? This forum has helped me develop my own philosophy now. I went from really hurting in the church to greater, fulfilment and growth through adaptation. Feel that I am back onto serving manking in meaningful ways…and I feel liberated from the things that also made me miserable in the church.
Not so say its all roses and giggles, but you are welcome…looking forward to your posting of your thoughts and ideas, and getting the comments of others. Eventually, out comes what you really believe — at least, that has been my experience.
Welcome to the site. To expand on something Ray said: Quote:” I believe our temple ordinances are only a symbolic representation of our theology – and that theology says, imo, that the goal is to be “sealed” together in practical ways – to become one – and that God will not separate those who have become one, no matter their religious affiliation or lack thereof. Therefore, no matter what you decide to do about church activity, work on becoming one in your marriage, first and and foremost.”
Ray and I and others have been in forums like this together for a long time, and one thing that I’ve seen time and time again are so-called eternal marriages that were sealed in the temple ripped apart because they thought their sealing would bind them on earth when in reality that takes a lot of hard work, listening, unselfishness. Instead, some marriages seem based on the opposite of those qualities: threats and ultimatums, attempts to control one’s spouse, contempt when a spouse has a crisis of faith, worry about how one’s spouse’s crisis of faith will reflect on them. Pretty soon, these aren’t even marriages, let alone eternal ones. Why do some religious folks so readily take the illusion of things for the real things? If we can’t deal with our marriages on this earth, how can we deal with them in the eternities? So I suppose I think that temple marriages are only as good as the work both partners put into them, just like all marriages. Just because you both enter the temple doesn’t mean you are both able to make it eternal.
hawkgrrrl wrote:Welcome to the site. To expand on something Ray said:
Quote:” I believe our temple ordinances are only a symbolic representation of our theology – and that theology says, imo, that the goal is to be “sealed” together in practical ways – to become one – and that God will not separate those who have become one, no matter their religious affiliation or lack thereof. Therefore, no matter what you decide to do about church activity, work on becoming one in your marriage, first and and foremost.”
Ray and I and others have been in forums like this together for a long time, and one thing that I’ve seen time and time again are so-called eternal marriages that were sealed in the temple ripped apart because they thought their sealing would bind them on earth when in reality that takes a lot of hard work, listening, unselfishness. Instead, some marriages seem based on the opposite of those qualities: threats and ultimatums, attempts to control one’s spouse, contempt when a spouse has a crisis of faith, worry about how one’s spouse’s crisis of faith will reflect on them. Pretty soon, these aren’t even marriages, let alone eternal ones. Why do some religious folks so readily take the illusion of things for the real things? If we can’t deal with our marriages on this earth, how can we deal with them in the eternities? So I suppose I think that temple marriages are only as good as the work both partners put into them, just like all marriages. Just because you both enter the temple doesn’t mean you are both able to make it eternal.
Great advice….
Welcome. I just wanted to say many of us have had that bursting into tears feeling when we discovered this site. Before I discovered it I felt so alone and literally had no one I could express my feelings to. This site has helped me in lots of ways, but I would be happy if it had done nothing else than let me express my thoughts and feelings and be accepted for it. Thanks everyone for the love and support I really appreciate it. I did get to hear President Uchtdorf’s talk in the October 2013 GC and I absolutely loved it. It touched my heart and made me so glad that maybe, finally maybe, the church is trying to reach people like us. As far as my DH we’re still very much newlywed’s but we work on making the marriage work no matter our differences. I have seen so many temple marriages where they only stay together for the kids’ sake or because divorce is wrong (in their minds at least) so I would rather be in a happily married state even if it’s to someone that’s not a member. As far as that one person in my life who’s always been so negative, I’ve given her a piece of my mind from time to time, and told her it’s non of her business but between me and the Lord. Anyway thank you all again! 
hawkgrrrl wrote:Ray and I and others have been in forums like this together for a long time, and one thing that I’ve seen time and time again are so-called eternal marriages that were sealed in the temple ripped apart because they thought their sealing would bind them on earth when in reality that takes a lot of hard work, listening, unselfishness. Instead, some marriages seem based on the opposite of those qualities: threats and ultimatums, attempts to control one’s spouse, contempt when a spouse has a crisis of faith, worry about how one’s spouse’s crisis of faith will reflect on them. Pretty soon, these aren’t even marriages, let alone eternal ones. Why do some religious folks so readily take the illusion of things for the real things? If we can’t deal with our marriages on this earth, how can we deal with them in the eternities? So I suppose I think that temple marriages are only as good as the work both partners put into them, just like all marriages. Just because you both enter the temple doesn’t mean you are both able to make it eternal.
To add to Hawkgrrrl’s comments…I was raised in the church, family active, went to BYU, served a mission, temple married for 23 years and now divorced.My sister called me once a few years ago crying because she was in love with a guy who is muslim, and treated her so well and made her happy, but our mom didn’t approve because they wouldn’t be getting a temple marriage.
The advice I gave her is the same I will give you….you are now at the age where it is your life and you need to make choices you know feel right in your heart to make you happy. You will be the one living the life and all the consequences of choices, not your mom or others, so while you respect and take their thoughts into consideration, only you can receive personal revelation for your circumstance. Marriage is about love and becoming one in purpose and all that you do. It is sacred, and special, and hard, and work, and fulfilling. My temple marriage did not seal me to someone to save me from problems. It was a sealing with a spirit of promise that we COULD be together eternally if we both make our marriage eternal. We were not able to. And so I move on, with faith and hope in other things.
But there is no reason you cannot have the exact same hope and promise with your husband, in or out of the temple, of being together eternally. What I love about temples is the promises can be taken care of in the next life, like when we do baptisms for the dead. These things can work themselves out because of a loving HF. I also believe, like Ray, the temples are symbolic, so what they are to teach us about eternal blessings is the key. Regardless of temple marriage or not, you can live to be worthy of any blessing any other mormon can be given, and these blessing are extended to the whole human race. Most important is you find out how to love others. That is all that is important.
As you read more on this site, you can find tools to help you think through and accept the good in mormonism and your heritage and your family, while also realizing there is a middle way path many choose to follow that breaks you from feeling you must conform to a certain way in order to have happiness or eternal blessings, or that others’ opinions (even family) do not have to dictate how you define yourself as a mormon. It should be a church of love, not a church of fear. There is no one way to be mormon. We all find our way. That is what this life is about. Finding our way in the circumstances we are in.
Quote:I have seen so many temple marriages where they only stay together for the kids’ sake or because divorce is wrong (in their minds at least) so I would rather be in a happily married state even if it’s to someone that’s not a member.
Me 2.
:thumbup: I hope you join our group and add to our conversations. Welcome.
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