UGH. Saying no…

There is an old Navajo story I love. The parents are sending their son (Chee) off to boarding school. He know no English and they decide to at least teach him YES and NO. Upon arrival at the school, a teacher asks him in English, “Do you speak English?” He doesn’t know what they are asking but decides to use one of his new words, “YES.” You can see where this is leading… he gets into much future trouble because he has answered incorrectly. You are answering incorrectly. Just say “NO.” They will get over it. Your life will get much simply.

Ha’go’nee (I have finished speaking).

Unless you have a strong preference,you might try this. I just don’t see how i have the time for 3 callings and do a good job of all of them. Why don’t you choose; would you rather get a new Sec., a new Sharing time person, or have all the jobs done badly. There are Leaders that never consider what it takes to do what they ask. This is not trying to avoid saying NO!!!!!!, but asking them to look at what they are asking. Some times they are just fishing. One Sunday (I had just been released from a calling after several years) 4 leaders came to me and told me that the Lord had called me to serve in a specific calling for them. I decided it would be kinder to say no then accuse them of not listening. Sorry about the personal story.

It is great to say no both for yourself and the person who is making the request. The earth will not open up and swallow you whole.

KK

How about this:

“Thanks for thinking of me. I appreciate your confidence in me. I would love to participate in the trek this year, but we just can’t. It just won’t work for our family this year. Please ask me again next year, and maybe we can do it then.”

“Thanks for thinking of me. I appreciate your confidence in me. I would love to help more with sharing time, but I am incredibly busy right now with one sharing time each month and my other responsbilities as the secretary and with my family. If you want me to do two each month, I will need to be released as the secretary and called as a sharing time assitant / specialist / whatever you want to call it. Please think and pray about it, talk with the Bishop about it, and let me know which calling you would like me to do.”

This type of approach validates the request and states your willingness to help in any way you can, but it also lays out proper boundaries for your time and the demands on you. It then places the responsibility on the other person to choose which reasonable option s/he prefers.

Finally, don’t give in out of a feeling of guilt or expectation once you’ve given them a choice. Let them choose. It can be a wonderful learning experience for them – and it’s not wrong of you to do.

Thank you guys. I really appreciate the personal stories, too, KK.

It’s funny (but not) because I also have the councilor over the primary calling to visit with me at the house. What the heck could he want?

I’m feeling bombarded all of the sudden. 😮

It’s funny (but not) because I also have the councilor over the primary calling to visit with me at the house. What the heck could he want?

I’m feeling bombarded all of the sudden. 😮

Just another view…you might take all that as a good sign they think highly of you and care about you.

I’ve been released from all my callings…I’m not complaining (in the least), but just a reminder that the opposite might not be what you exactly want either. Or maybe it is, I don’t know.

The feeling I get is they really need your skills and talents…and sounds like you have many of them.

LOL Oh my gosh, they asked me to be the camp director for our ward. 😆

I told him I’d need to think about it and talk to my whole family first and I’d let him know.

We both had a good laugh when I told him we’d been asked to do trek 2 days ago.

He also reminded me that my TR exprires soon and I can get the interview any time now.

Those that do, get asked to do more. Those that don’t, eventually don’t get asked.

Just Me is a do-er, obviously.

I worry that far too many people in our church are AFRAID of turning down a calling or saying no. I’ve heard too many boast that they’ve never turned down a calling and wear that like a badge of honor. Maybe that is something they can be proud of, I don’t know. But, speaking as a person who has been in on the discussions of whom to call, as well as the calling or asking part, I can say for a surety, testify if you will, that these callings often come about after prayer and pondering, but just as often do not. It sometimes seems like a poorly managed business of assigning and reassigning people to positions, filling holes with the primary intention that everyone has a job to fulfill. I do think it is far too monumental a task to expect bishops and his counselors to make sure every position is perfectly suited (in some way or another) for the person who is called to accept it. And, those that have been involved with this church for a long time understand that some callings are great and fulfulling, while other callings are terrible. This system that we use doesn’t always work to put us in the callings that will bring us spiritual uplift, joy, and happiness. So, what do we do? Maybe we teach ourselves how to make the best of things. Maybe we teach ourselves that it’s OKAY to say NO when a calling doesn’t feel right. AND, maybe we look at EVERYTHING we are asked to do in this church through a FAMILY FILTER. Those issuing callings should always do at least that–consider how the calling will affect the family of the individual, and LISTEN to the individual.

I would worry that if Just Me and her husband went on the Pioneer Trek, they would not have time for a FAMILY vacation, since husband would have to use his vacation days for the trek without his kids. To me, that would seem like a no-brainer… have to say no, even if you want to go. Look at assignments at callings through the family filter.

I’ve joked before that ward members should sign up for jobs they would like to do. Wouldn’t that work better for many things such as scouts, nursery, cub scouts, music leaders, youth, primary? If you get anyone signing up to be Bishop, however, just shoot them because they are bull moose nuts.

But, I think the idea has merit. Many wards have info sheets members fill out to tell about themselves and what interests they have. Just add a line asking them where they’d enjoy serving. Then… LEAVE them in the calling long enough for them to have a positive effect (or until they say enough!). I remember one ward I was in… one of the bpric counselors called me in to talk to me, indicated they’d prayed about it and knew I was the right guy to be the priesthood pianist or ward pianist or choir pianist or some kind of pianist, I forget. I laughed and told him that I don’t play the piano. He seemed taken aback and asked me if I was sure… yeah, I can play some chords on the piano and know where the notes are at, but I can’t play the piano, I’m sure. You don’t want me as a pianist, but if you want a priesthood guitarist, I’m your guy. This bpric counselor had read my info sheet saying that I enjoyed music and played guitar so I guess assumed I played piano too. They tried to fill a hole with a guy without a calling (or the Lord confirmed it to them that I was the right guy). Maybe I missed my chance on becoming a pianist. Damn, I should have accepted. What was I thinking?! Where was my faith?