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I’m 18-years-old and have been struggling with my beliefs since I was 13-years-old. I heard of this site from some Mormon Timesarticle some months ago, as well as a suggestion from New Order Mormon.org. I have an account on NOM, but I like to go to all sorts of places, so this site seems logical. Anyway, my situation is odd, given that I’ll likely be on a mission next year. I don’t like to follow things blindly. I don’t want to do something just because I’m supposed to do it. Elder Holland’s talk from last conference gave me some resolve to work my way “through” the Book of Mormon (as opposed to around, under, over, whatever, etc., as he described). I feel like The Book of Mormon is inspired, though I don’t know whether these people actually existed or not, though I also don’t believe in everything it says either.
Joseph Smith: I feel like he was probably a prophet, but very infallible and made some really, really huge mistakes.
My biggest areas of doubt within the church are polygamy, equal rights (blacks and the priesthood, woman’s rights, Prop
and the leadership of today and their steadfast stand against teaching the true church history and basically trying to continue to feed us the doctrine of pray, pay, and obey. If the glory of God is intelligence then they are failing, if I want to learn about the “true” church history I have every right to do so.I don’t have any intention to make the church look bad. I’ve always been a Mormon and I intend to stay that way. I do, however, think there’s plenty to laugh at, but that’s mainly about some of the people in the church, not the church itself.
Anyway, I’m about to graduate from high school this May and plan on going to Utah Valley University to earn my associate’s before my mission. I just need some relief from this whole religious kick I’ve been on. While I remain tolerant of other religions, I think that a lot of Mormon beliefs fit my personal lifestyle. I like the idea of eternal progression. I like the idea of the family being the central unit of society. I like the idea that the glory of God is intelligence. But sometimes this church can be too much like a corporation.
Welcome to the site, Wildroot. I felt actually just about exactly the way you describe 20 years ago when I went on my mission, so hopefully you’ll feel that you are in good company. Honestly, I still feel roughly the same way about all those same things, and like you, I love the concepts of Mormonism that you just don’t find elsewhere – eternal progression and the glory of God is intelligence just makes the most sense to me. Fortunately, in my mission, we had a lot of autonomy. Some mission presidents are very “obedience” focused, and that would have been irritating. Obeying the rules to keep people safe, that makes sense to me. Thinking you will have more success because you are more obedient, that just isn’t my experience. We had a lot of success, and it seemed unrelated to individuals’ obedience and more related to their interpersonal skills. In some cases, it wasn’t even related to hard work, although I felt I was more successful the more open-minded I was and the more I could see potential in people. But that’s how I find the gospel: insight and discernment beat blind obedience, IMO. Nothing wrong with obedience, but it’s not a substitute for rational thought and learning from experience. Welcome Wildroot. Glad to have you. You are definitely coming to such mature decisions at a young age. If you continue being mature in this journey you will come out at a great place and lead a happy life. Wildroot, Thank you for sharing your journy with us. Welcome.
You are right there is a lot to laugh at but you said it is the people not the church itself. Personally I find I can’t seperate the two. You are in a difficult situation. I’m not sure that a mission is mentally healthy for young men and women(somewhat all together, other times it is great..depends on the individual) that aren’t hardcore-sorry weird choice of a word. Then again going in with eyes wide open should give you more patience and longsuffering, just be careful to not get angry or frustrated by some of the techniques or motivational tools used in the program. 
Wildroot, great to have you here and it is inspiring to see you grasping such big issues at your age. I wish there was an answer book for the issues you raised. Fact is, there is not. There are some answers that you can learn (yes, Joseph Smith did secretly practice polygamy) but they don’t solve all questions (did JS actually see God or only have a psychotic episode?). Some things in live require faith to take all you can read and learn about and then you decide what you want to make of it that makes you a better person and a happier person.
“Choose your love, and love your choice”. Make the best decisions you can based on information you have…then love your choices and prepare to make more choices and keep going in life.
Welcome to the forum.
Welcome Wildroot. Ditto to what everyone else already said. I think you could serve a great mission with your perspective. I find a lot of inspiring truths in the LDS Church, which is why I stay a member. Like you, I do not believe literally in all of it, and I don’t agree with everything that has ever been said or done. But you know what? I found the same situation over and over again in all other places — school, military service, work, etc.
Going into everything with eyes wide open is another great path in life. Take the good you find on your journey. There’s a lot of good.
Welcome, wildroot!! I agree with the others, it’s pretty amazing that you are tackling these issues at this stage in your life. And commendable. I imagine that this may be more common now and in the future because of easy access to materials online. I know growing up in the inner-mountain west in the 80’s there was nothing, and I do mean nothing, that was available.
Fwiw, my son loves his mission so far (with some frustrations, of course) – and he sees things a lot like I do. (real surprise, huh?) He simply has to let some stuff roll and focus on loving people. It can work and be wonderful, but the responsbility to make it so is yours. Hello and Welcome There are 2 facts that may be helpful while you are making this important decision.
1. You don’t have to make these important decisions before your birthday. Many young men wait a year or 2 before starting their mission. Some think that this helps them serve a better mission.
It would also give you time to understand the questions you have.
2. StayLDS is an example of people who can question facts while having a variety of relationships with the church.
Oh, and to reinforce what Konvert Kid said, my son left on his mission after his sophomore year in college and an extra year of working – at 21. My second son is almost 20 and a freshman in college – and he is thinking of going between his bachelor’s and master’s degrees – at about 23. The timing is fine any time in the standard age range, social pressure notwithstanding. Wildroot wrote:Anyway, my situation is odd, given that I’ll likely be on a mission next year.
Indeed!
Wildroot wrote:Elder Holland’s talk from last conference
Well, keep in mind that was Brother Holland’s own opinion, rather emphatically expressed. None of us needs to feel intimidated or challenged by such a message. I suggest stepping aside and letting such hyperbole blow right past so you can stay sensitive to the gentle whisperings of the still small voice.
In my opinion, you won’t find the Book of Mormon worthless, and you won’t find it perfect. It is, like all books, human. It doesn’t purport to be more.
Wildroot wrote:Joseph Smith: I feel like he was probably a prophet, but very infallible and made some really, really huge mistakes.
I think you are right. To me, he seems an authentic mystic and prophet, subject to and guilty of typical serious human blunders and travesties.
Whew! If you get things figured out, you will be a very interesting missionary or Peace Corps dude!
Tom
Welcome! Welcome. I too commend you for your maturity. It can be hard to find that place in your life where you can accept the good of the church despite it’s “challenges”. I agree that your open mindedness could be an asset to your mission. However, it will also be a frustration when you come across things that contradict your personal belief. But isn’t that the way life is. We can’t control how others think we can only control how we think. But if we try to understand why others think the way they do then it can help us deal with those contradictions that are bound to occur. This could be a good learning experience if you choose to take it on.
Sounds like you are way ahead of most 18-19 year old kids. You’ve already wrestled with things that I never did at that age, though as I look back I wish that I’d had a more critical approach – I think it might have served me better in the end. Good luck as you graduate from high school and decide what to do. As others have said, you should be able to serve a mission and find a lot of fulfillment from that, though I suspect you might have some challenges that are different from what others typically experience.
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