So now it’s a temptation?

I think it is a natural thing that when we are told “not” to do something, it makes us think about it…and thinking about it sometimes makes us want to act on it.

Our thoughts are powerful.

I had a discussion with my oldest daughter recently about this. She broke up with a boyfriend and was so mad at him. Now they are broken up, she can’t stop thinking about him, and it was driving her crazy. I told her, “Try not to think about pink elephants.” She thought I was being stupid, so I kept telling her, “Stop thinking of pink elephants.”

She said, “Dad, stop it, I never even thought of a pink elephant until you told me to stop it!”

Exactly. Sometimes, we can’t make ourselves stop thinking something until we start thinking of something else, and replace those thoughts with something we do want to think about.

Norman Peale in the book “Positive Thinking” shares how he would go on a military ship and have the crewmen every night go to the deck and purge their negative thoughts and throw their thoughts out to sea…then go read something positive so their thoughts were replaced with constructive ones.

I’d suggest instead of worrying about drinking and why you want to drink more…just accept that for 3 weeks it was of no issue to you, and now the bishop cares enough about you to discipline (accept not taking the sacrament, don’t drink, etc), that you should focus on showing yourself you can do that because you don’t care about the Word of Wisdom, but you do care about developing positive habits and self-control and humility.

I think it is less about alcohol, and more about self-control. You can do that if you choose to. It depends on what you want.

The problem is that drinking is now not innocent or harmless; it’s tied to your self-esteem and choices in a direct way.

This is my problem in all aspects of my life. I connect small things to big things that make it worse. Unfortunately my drinking is now a check and balance for the bishop. He said I cannot practice my priesthood (giving blessings) or go to the temple until I stop. Yet, I don’t feel it’s wrong to do every once in a while. I plan on obeying for now as he will be checking on me, but is that true repentance? I don’t think so. This is why I am confused. Another example is green tea. I don’t drink it often but sometimes I have a glass. The difference is I didn’t share this with the bishop. The other problem with alcohol is I have taught my ten year old boy it’s wrong his whole life. Now I start drinking and suddenly it hurts him. I actually think drinking in front of my boy was much worse then the drink itself.

I plan on obeying for now as he will be checking on me, but is that true repentance? I don’t think so.

I think it depends on why you feel you need to “repent.”

If you were struggling with addiction or alcoholism, or had given it some control over your life, then that might indeed be something that requires a change of heart. In my mind, though, having a glass of wine or beer every now and then is NOT inherently sinful (unless, I suppose, you believe that the prohibition against it in the church is truly divinely mandated — I certainly respect that position, though I don’t hold it personally).

So I’m with you: I keep the Word of Wisdom primarily because I know I’m gonna get asked about it and because it’s a big deal to my brothers and sisters in the church. It is NOT a big deal to me. Frankly, I don’t think God gives a flying fig what beverage you drink at breakfast or dinner, as long as you’re moderate about it. However, I obey because this is a price I’m willing to pay to remain active in the community. And I’ve proactively decided that.

In other words, I don’t know that you necessarily *need* to feel “godly sorrow” about a little alcohol (again, unless it was becoming an issue in your life), and it’s totally okay to admit that you’re obeying because you’re expected to — and out of love and respect for your fellow Saints for whom it IS a serious issue.

Here comes the broken record…. 😳

Sorry to do this, but I know exactly how you feel. I’m notorious for doing the exact opposite of what I’m “told” to do. I’ve discovered that it is a huge part of the co-dependent systems we create. We are being led by external forces, which we can’t control, then we feel the expectation of meeting those externally set benchmarks, goals, expectations, whatever. This grates us.

We know, deep down inside, that we are good people, so others telling us how to be better is met with a combination of “I want to prove to them X…” and a portion of resentment, for them not recognizing our own ability to discern for ourselves.

I’m not sure how you were raised godlives, but this set-up of “you must do X to be a good person” is how I was raised. That emotional abuse (albeit subtle) is effective in a co-dependent system, wherein I felt that I had to do X to gain approval and acceptance and convinced myself that I wasn’t a good person. The end result, of course, is that I resented those from whom I was seeking approval, did what I was asked anyways, and still felt like a horrible person. And, that cycle continued ad nauseum, ad infinitum.

At some point, I must recognize and own my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, what they mean, who I’m going to be and, most importantly, live what I consider a good moral life, based on my own experiences, feelings, beliefs, etc. If that includes drinking or not drinking, ultimately it’s my choice, with the correct intentions.

And, in my mind, that’s the key: intentions. If we are doing anything for any reason other than a self-prescribed reason, we are opening ourselves up to those tentacles of co-dependency that are always reaching out to us.

Now, for clarification, understand that I am not saying that you should or should not do what your bishop asked. I’m just pointing out that this is how systems are created. Are you doing it for your bishop? For God? For your wife? For you? I know in my head, if someone tells me to do something and I feel the urge to do the opposite, then I know that it’s not something that I want to do for myself.

The key to a life of emotional health is discovering the processes that our insides go through when met with any circumstance. Why am I feeling what I’m feeling? What does it mean? Where does it come from? What can I do with that information?

fwiw, I do participate in my ward community though not at the level of the typical active TBM. I’m technically not a member, but I participate fully in pretty much everything, eq’s moves, sunday mtgs., ward activities, etc. Obviously, not the temple and I don’t give talks, teach lessons, have a calling, etc.

If not drinking is the price of entry to being Mormon (and it kind of is), then I’d weigh it out. Personally, I have weighed it out, and so I don’t drink. I get more from being Mormon than I do from drinking. But that’s up to each person, and it’s not because everyone who takes a drink becomes an alcoholic or is a reprobate. But you can’t drink alcohol neutrally as a Mormon. Personally, I think Green Tea, while it is prohibited by WoW, is less of a thing because it is a low/no risk omission. That’s just an opinion.

This is how I view the problem as well. In fact, I view many of the “rules” in this light. I have chosen to be Mormon, and the reasons are complex. But now that I’ve chosen, I have also pledged to live by the rules.

Well said, godlives.

To me, that is the perfect definition of love. It is not important to you, but it is to your family and those you care about.

That is reason enough. Well done.

I like your thought process but let me throw in a monkey wrench: what if you choose to not drink as an example for your children. Are you expecting something of them in return? What happens when your 15 year-old son comes home at one in the morning and he’s drunk?

I swear swimordie, we must be cut from the same cloth. I read this and thought, hmmm, this sounds like a scene in a screenplay:

Dad walks in and sees son drinking.

Dad: What the hell are you doing?

The son shrugs as he knows he is busted. He looks away for a minute, trying to avoid making direct eye contact.

Son: Nothing you haven’t done before.

😳 😳 😳

I love my children unconditionally. I can only live the best life I know how, not the other way around. Truthfully, I only drank moderately, but I still miss it. Now I have a taste for it. It’s been about four weeks since I had a drink and I still want one. I’ve never had an addiction before. I didn’t drink enough for it to be an addiction, or I thought I didn’t. I liked the way it helped me relax. I liked laying on the carpet when I had my first taste of scotch and feeling the carpet, because my senses changed. But here’s the thing, now that I’ve stopped I want it. I want it more then I want chocolate/pizza/cherry Coke, and that’s a BIG DEAL! If I’ve only had a little bit of it and feel like this, how do serious drinkers feel when they try to quit? This is really making me think. I only had a couple small glasses a week, and it was usually wine coolers.

Of course, I would have a hard time if I tried to stop eating burgers as well. lol.