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Ok, here’s the story. We are moving to Port Orange Florida from Davenport Iowa April 5th. My ward in Iowa has been great and are going to help us load up a big 26 footer Uhaul April 2nd. I found out through lds.org where my new ward in Florida will be and who the bishop is. So, I call the new bishop to see if he can get us help to unload the truck when we arrive. This new bishop seems very skeptical and starts asking me all sorts of questions. He asks me why we are moving here, where my husband works, and if we are active in church. I explain the part of why we are moving and where my husband works which he seems to understand, but when I tell him that I am the only active member in my family, the questioning really starts. He wants to know if my husband is not a member. I tell him yes, he is a member but has left the church. He wants to know about my 3 kids and why they are not in the church. I just explain it is a long story and do not want to go into it right now. He then asks me how my testimony is. I tell him I served a mission and believe there is much good in the church but do have struggles with my testimony. He then asks me if I believe JS was a prophet. I tell him that I do believe he was a prophet but I know he had weaknesses and do not like everything he has done. He then asks if I believe that JS restored the church and I say yes, I do believe he restored the church of Jesus Christ and have a testimony of certain teachings of the church. But, I do have issues with some of the things JS did and taught. I told him that I have had to separate the gospel from falliable leaders and do not accept everything they say blindly. I told him that I know leaders make mistakes and are not perfect. He actually tries to joke around with me then and says, “We’ll the leaders in our ward are perfect.” I joke back and say, “Oh what a relief it is to hear that.” He then makes sure I know he is joking. But, its like he hesitates to let me know that the ward will help me unload the uhaul when we get there. He then asks me if I believe in the Book of Mormon. I hated that question because even though I think there are some real nuggets of wisdom in that book, it is my least favorite scripture because of all the wars in it and I told him that. I told him I struggle with my testimony of the BofM and he says, “Well, you know the whole church stands on that book.” So, this bishop does not mince words or beat around the bush, but it becomes an interogation to me. I am not about to lie, yet I don’t want to get into all my struggles with him. Not sure if I handled this well. So, what am I to think now? I mean he tells me to call him next week when our plans are more sure, but I am thinking “What the heck kind of ward and bishop am I going to there in Florida.” I told him that it is not easy being the only member in my immeadiate family but I feel culturally and socially like a Mormon and do have a testimony of Christ and some of the mormon teachings. He did not seem empathetic and I am beginning to wonder if I will fit into this ward and with this bishop. I think I need to re-read the article on here on stay.lds about how to stay in the church and be honest with yourself at the same time. I do not want to lie about where I am at spiritually, but I really did not want to go into our families issues when it comes to the church. So, any ideas how I should handle this bishop or ward when I get there? He said, “Well, we”ll see if we can get anyone to help you here.” Dosen’t sound to welcoming to me. Just a bit nervous now. Bridget
**SIGH**So sorry to hear about the conversation. All I can say is that perhaps he has been inundated recently with people moving into his ward seeking chronic welfare assistance – or something like that. Maybe he’s a bit jaded when it comes to new members moving and not staying or contributing. Maybe it’s a function of the atmosphere in the ward; maybe it’s not.
Lots of maybes – no real certainties. Keep us informed as you move, and try to use this as a chance to practice charity and not stressing out beforehand about things that might not come to pass.
Thank you Ray!! That is exactly what I needed to hear right now. How’d you get so much wisdom? Bridget Just told my husband what happened and he is steaming mad. He thinks it is so inappropriate that this bishop should have intergated me by phone with out meeting me in person or at least talking to my previous bishop. Thank goodness I was able to calm him down by reading him your post Ray. Funny, but my husband says…you know I had no intention of ever meeting this new bishop, but now I want to meet him when I get there. He said, he understands this bishop may be stressed out etc and may even be a nice guy. I would be happy to tell him why I left the church, and that I would be happy to help on service projects, but I want him to know it was inappropriate and unchristlike to intergoate my wife like this.” Who knows how this will all turn out. Maybe they will end up as good buddies and even bring him back to the church. God works in mysterious ways, that always amaze me. Bridget When you call again next week ask if you could get the number of the elders quorum president, usually they are the ones that set it up anyhow, and I think he won’t be interrogating you. I would just be pleasant, and nice, but to the point. “Hey bishop so and so it is me, how are you doing, good. Well as I told you we are moving on X day, can I get the number of the elders quorum president so we can arrange to have some of the elders or the missionaries help us unload, we would appreciate it so much” something kind of like that. I hope your new ward is a good home for you, good luck on the move. Thanks brynnagl, Good advice. I wish I had done that right from the beginning. Bridget No problem! I wish I had more to offer you than that, but I am such an avoider. I will do almost anything to keep peace in my life so I tend to just smile and nod. I am not sure if it is the right way, or the more moral one. At this point in my life it is the best I can do. The fact that you were so out spoken off the bat is very admirable. I think Ray’s onto something about this ward you’re moving into, so not like I can tell from so little information, but sounds to me like this bishop’s got a resource problem in his ward. You’re calling and asking for help, he’s got limited resources because maybe the people he has aren’t that reliable or committed or active or whatever, so he’s trying to determine are you going to give as much as you get, are you going to further drain his resources or add to them. Anyway, that’s a pretty awkward conversation IMO. I would be scared off by this (although Ray’s taking the high road and suggesting being charitable – also a good choice). We put a lot of thought into which school system we move into, but not enough into which ward we move into sometimes. When we moved 4 years ago, we actually went around and checked out all the possible wards we might be moving into. We grabbed programs from their meetings (which have all the ward leadership contact information listed) and called people in youth leadership roles to ask about how things were run and so on. I really think it helped us get into a ward that was great!
Hi hawkgirrl., My husband showed the email I sent him about it to his co-worker who had been a bishop in Iowa city when our oldest son and his wife had moved into their ward years ago as inactives. He was so wonderful to my son and let them store their stuff in his garage for two months until a storage building opened up. His co-worker was shocked and said it sounded like this bishop in Florida was trying to determine wheather you were worthy of getting any help. Generally, most bishops would love to reach out and show inactives extra love to win them back. This is unusuall to me and we’ll see how it goes. Hopefully, it will not be as bad as it appears, but my husband is definitely going to meet with this bishop when he gets there he said.
A little update: I was talking to my previous bishops wife about what happened and she felt so bad about this and said it was wrong. So, she tells her husband (our previous bishop and good friend) and he calls me to get the number of this bishop. So, I explain that I do not want to stir things up any further but he said he just wanted to call to let this bishop know what fine people we are. So, ok, I give him the number and he called him and talked to him for about a half hour. Our former bishop comes over to our house this morning to help my husband on a project at the house. So, he tells us about his conversation with this new bishop. Anyway, the bishop in Florida apparently has a situation in his ward in which the members are very transiend and struggle with their testimonies. So, I was right in my hunch that he really does not want any doubters or questioners like my husband and I plus his resourses are limited. My former bishop tried to explain that we are upfront honest people who are not out to destroy others faiths. Anyway, the bishop in Florida asked my former bishop for our present bishops phone number which he gave him. So, now I feel like I am under a microscope being evaluated. Ever since ward leaders know I struggle with my testimony they don’t give me teaching callings and this new bishop told my former bishop he won’t give me any either. I think I am just going to check out the other wards there, since I do not feel welcomed now. I’m thinking it sounds more like the resource management issue. Some wards are very active in helping people out with moves. Some just are not. My last ward in Atlanta was SUPER helpful. Lots of people showed up to moves with very little leadership effort beyond an email sent out. I’ve been in some wards where almost nobody showed up unless the leadership put in an enormous effort to get commitments from folks (which was hard). I can also tell you that sometimes LDS Wards get burned by “strangers” who are members, but not ever active. The only call is out of the blue when they want to save $1,000 hiring professional movers. I didn’t go to this one move, but heard horror stories about it. A lady called up who had lived in the area for years. They didn’t even know she was a member (not on rosters). The Elders Quorum decided to be “nice” and reach out to her, having several people show up. The lady hadn’t packed or anything. It took them over
10 hoursto get her stuff in the truck! And the whole time she was being all obsessive and loudly complaining they weren’t doing anything right. Never a single thanks. You never know when there’s been a recent bad experience that might have soured the attitude, which isn’t your fault at all.
Thanks Brian, I know this happens and people can get burnt out. I have seen this happen myself, so I guess I should be understanding of this bishop and the people there too. This is the most important question then? How Christlike are we willing to be when others are not? bridget bridget_night wrote:Thanks Brian, I know this happens and people can get burnt out. I have seen this happen myself, so I guess I should be understanding of this bishop and the people there too. This is the most important question then? How Christlike are we willing to be when others are not? bridget
The question could also be about self-reliance. That Bishop may have had members who try to depend on the church too much (with out giving anything back). I happen to come from a ward where we have a Bishop who hates to say no to anyone and many members complian that the resorces of the church get abused too much. I think it’s totally inappropriate the questions he was asking you though. You would think leaders would be more supportive to you having a non-member husband not less.
Quote:So, now I feel like I am under a microscope being evaluated. Ever since ward leaders know I struggle with my testimony they don’t give me teaching callings and this new bishop told my former bishop he won’t give me any either. I think I am just going to check out the other wards there, since I do not feel welcomed now.
This maybe a good idea to do. I don’t think you should go where you don’t feel welcomed. And if you do do this and the bishop in Florida asks about it tell him why. It depends on whether or not you think this could be resolved. Having it resolved would probally be more comforting.Quote:Charity suffereth long and is kind.
Not an easy standard, but an important one.
My advice:
Look around, but try not to make a decision based primarily on an emotional impression from one conversation that might have occurred in a time of great stress for someone else. If your impression continues, follow your own “personal revelation” – but then be ready to deal with the results and not blame the other Bishop if you end up not liking where you choose.
Bridget, you might also consider that maybe this new ward in Florida will be the perfect ward for you and your family. You heard second or third hand that the ward struggles with testimonies. Maybe that means there are people there who are more like you and that you might find some new good friends. On the other hand, transient wards aren’t usually a lot of fun. Easy to hide in them, though.
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