Boredom + "Gentile" reactions.

Sam,

Some of my thoughts on these topics:

1) Boredom. There isn’t much to say about it but I have suffered from it in the past with the church. Is there an answer to it?

I get really bored at church, and have instead of just stop going or telling the bishop something needs to change…I just take it upon myself as my responsibility to use my time wisely.

When i feel I need to be in church, I bring a book or other reading material to keep me studying the scriptures or something spiritual. I feel that Sunday time is to help me re-commit to God…whether or not the church classes are interesting to me.

I have also felt at times that I can’t get what I need from Church, and have allowed myself to skip church and take my family to the mountains or somewhere in nature where I can enjoy the quiet peacefulness of God’s creations, and ponder things I have on my mind. Then I return to church the next week with a fresher outlook on the church teachings.

2) I was wondering how people deal with non-members’ views of you as a Mormon. Unlike some people here, I don’t fall into the DNA Mormon profile, nor do I come from an area where Mormons are either commonplace or part of the scenery…

What are the best ways of dealing with “gentiles” who are either not very understanding, hostile, or have completely inaccurate views of the church?

I deal with this a lot, but I’m used to it since I grew up back east and no one ever understood my religion a lot.

I just think of how little I understand about Jehovah Witnesses or other religions and think that when people don’t know my religion, it is no different than how little I know about theirs. So either have an honest and respectful and sincerely inquisitive discussion, or avoid topics like religion, sex, and politics with people I can’t communicate with.

I don’t put my religion in any different category than those other topics, they are just my beliefs…and I have many people in my office that are curious about them (word of wisdom topics and the like). I talk about it a lot, and I’m not ashamed of what I believe…even if I’m ashamed sometimes of the church history.

I’ve started taking a note pad to church with me. I write down any thoughts I have during the lesson (even if it’s not the conclusion the teacher was heading for 😈 ) DH and I have discussed later what I came up with which made for a good Sunday afternoon conversation. If you really want to get something out of the lesson I would recommend reading the lesson ahead of time. If you’re prepared maybe you could initiate a discussion that would be interesting to you. Chances of it happening are hit and miss though. I’ve enjoyed listening to the comments of others and noticing those who have “like minds” to mine. DH and I have talked about going for a walk while the kids are in primary once the weather gets better.

I never had much problem with non-members before. I remember once in high school when I became the object of focus for a drug dealer and my friends all stood up for me. I was never an “in your face” kind of person with my religion. I find that most times when you show respect to others for their beliefs and choices they will often respect you. If they are open to you answering questions that would be a good thing. It’s unfortunate when people are negative towards others for being apart of a group. This had been the reason for much war and destruction in the world. I don’t know if there is much you can to about that. Sometimes if their prejudice is because of a negative experience they have had with Mormons in the past the best you can do is just be a good example and hope with time they will judge you for who you are and not for your personal religious choices.

I’m putting two replies in for this thread… another coming in a minute.

You mentioned on another thread that it bothers you to see people texting on the their phones at church. I use my phone to combat the boredom. But I also have the scriptures and hymns and lesson manuals on my phone. I don’t take scriptures to church much anymore because I have them on my phone. I guess that for me boredom transitions to being annoyed really quickly. Regurgitating old standards obviously isn’t the worst of what is presented at church but it still irks me some. So then I feel like I can either leave the meeting so I don’t get pissed off or I can retreat to my phone and hopefully the lesson or talk will change direction so I’m not so annoyed. So you would probably think I’m being irreverent but I am just doing my best to get what I can from church.

Well, to be fair in the instances I was thinking of, it was teenagers doing it on very clackety phones sending stuff to each other every two minutes. This was a while back, probably before internet on the phones and manuals etc.

I am just honest with “gentiles.” I don’t make a big deal about anything. The only time it is an issue is if someone I meet has a bias against mormons. Most people are really respectful but you get the occasional person who isn’t. The people with biases generally believe (sometimes accurately) that mormons have an issue with them. Once they get to know me a little and realize that I have nothing against them, they’re cool. I worked in Massachusetts once with a woman married to another woman. I could tell that when she found out that I was mormon her demeanor towards me changed slightly because it altered the assumption she had made about me previously. But soon enough she realized that I had no problem with her or the choices that she made and it wasn’t an issue. There no longer needed to be an assumption, she knew me.

Honestly, I have a much more difficult time dealing with Mormons who are new to the East than I do with “gentiles.” I think mormons should try to do a better job at assimilating into their community.

Well, I think most people in this part of the woods know little about the church other than American guys in suits wandering around knocking on doors. And the Osmonds. Make of that what you will.

If someone asks about polygamy I won’t deny it. Blacks and gays, a bigger problem perhaps. Suffice to say I’m neither racist nor homophobe, but neither is a big deal to me as a person, because I don’t fall into either of these groups. (Although of course I do know some of each) The 1978 declaration at least resolves a lot of the race issue, the rest is history perhaps. Or I hope it is.

The other problem is our culture here revolves around drinking. And it’s hard not to socialise without pouring alcohol down your throat. It’s difficult to be sober amongst a bunch of drunks.

I have similar feelings about my schooling. I don’t generally tell people where I went to grade school, since I find people react to me differently. It was private, if you see where I’m coming from. The irony is I’m actually quite left wing myself, but people don’t understand that. Like Mormonism, once they pigeonhole you, you get all kinds of stuff and supposed views attached to you which you don’t want.

“Oh, you could also meditate and whatnot.”

(I know you were talking to someone else here) Actually I did meditate (empty my mind etc) the other day, so that I could handle the experience of meeting so many people.

I’ve started taking a note pad to church with me. I write down any thoughts I have during the lesson (even if it’s not the conclusion the teacher was heading for 👿 ) DH and I have discussed later what I came up with which made for a good Sunday afternoon conversation. If you really want to get something out of the lesson I would recommend reading the lesson ahead of time. If you’re prepared maybe you could initiate a discussion that would be interesting to you. Chances of it happening are hit and miss though. I’ve enjoyed listening to the comments of others and noticing those who have “like minds” to mine. DH and I have talked about going for a walk while the kids are in primary once the weather gets better.

I never had much problem with non-members before. I remember once in high school when I became the object of focus for a drug dealer and my friends all stood up for me. I was never an “in your face” kind of person with my religion. I find that most times when you show respect to others for their beliefs and choices they will often respect you. If they are open to you answering questions that would be a good thing. It’s unfortunate when people are negative towards others for being apart of a group. This had been the reason for much war and destruction in the world. I don’t know if there is much you can to about that. Sometimes if their prejudice is because of a negative experience they have had with Mormons in the past the best you can do is just be a good example and hope with time they will judge you for who you are and not for your personal religious choices.

The notepad is a good idea. I have done it occasionally, if only to read scriptures that have been mentioned. Bleeding chunks don’t always give the full picture (to mix metaphors), so we have to go back to context.

I have to admit, reading lessons ahead of time is sometimes difficult, particularly when they have a couple of dozen references to look up. There are some things I wouldn’t wish to bring up, to avoid sounding like a troublemaker, and others that I don’t think would be well answered in that particular context, although now and then when I’ve been at church, interesting things DO get mentioned by other people, which helps break down the more mechanical aspects and endless cycles. Helps stuff come alive in fact.

Sometimes if their prejudice is because of a negative experience they have had with Mormons in the past the best you can do is just be a good example and hope with time they will judge you for who you are and not for your personal religious choices.

A lot of it’s ignorance and sensationalism. (I once had someone go round saying that my dog was going to be baptised) I don’t believe the LDS is the same as Scientology or the Moonies, although it can come across as authoritarian and I sometimes try to work out where we have space to move and time to be ourselves. I’ve never served a mission, and to be honest, it’s not something I particularly look forward to, even if I find my beliefs strengthening again. My attempts at evangelisation include tongue tied phrases like “Acts of the Epistles”, and losing my temper, or getting completely unexpected reactions. And I’m not a robot.

Heber13 mentions the JWs. Now, in this part of the world, Jehovah’s and Mormons are probably viewed in a similar light. That’s mainly because they go round knocking on doors. I don’t know much about the JWs, other than they too disagree with the notion of the Trinity, and have their equivalent of the WoW (and they don’t eat meat or get blood transfusions either). I’ve heard other things about them which are probably rumor. I have to admit that I don’t agree with their attitude towards medicine at all (ditto Christian Scientists) I also find their notion of 144,000 getting into heaven distasteful (at least Mormonism allows you more chance to get into heaven – if only Heaven 2.0 aka Terrestrial Kingdom). On the other hand, I am extremely moved about how they stood up to the Third Reich and were martyred for it.

There are some things I wouldn’t wish to bring up, to avoid sounding like a troublemaker, and others that I don’t think would be well answered in that particular context

I hear yea. I’ve actually only done the note thing successfully once but I’m very new to this new mind set so I’m hoping I can fall back on it occasionally.

I once had someone go round saying that my dog was going to be baptised

😆 that is just too funny!

It’s healthy for people of different backgrounds to mix.

I totally agree with this one. I lived in a Metropolitan area for quite a few years and loved the diversity. DH’s family wanted us to move to a high Mormon population area but there was no way that was going to happen. No offence to anyone who comes from one but I found people to be very ignorant (of “the real world”), judgemental and one track minded (not able to see both sides of the coin). That was just my experience though and I don’t think it was done consciously it’s just they didn’t know or weren’t comfortable with anything outside their own Mormon culture. I guess you can get that same reaction in a very low Mormon population area too, only reversed.

I guess I am just what TBM’s call “inactive”.

I have been for many years. I’ve only just stopped being so in fact. It’s a strange transition. Everything is strange and new again (except the building!)

Part of the problem is that they’re not really just “drinking buddies”. In fact, to have many buddies at all here, you have to go to bars. They seem to be our social center. Very much part of our national culture. When I stopped going to them my social life atrophied. There’s little way around it.

Well to give you an example of how things can work here… My ex-girlfriend (who is a foreigner, and not LDS BTW) was at college here, and when some of her student neighbors offered her a drink, and she said she didn’t want one, they more or less had nothing to do with her! Completely insane or what? She was a really nice girl, and great fun, but because she drank very little alcohol, the locals here must have thought she was stand-offish or something.

I’ve been working on alternatives to tea and coffee. Most of the coffee substitutes are disgusting, but I have found a good alternative to regular tea in the form of redbush (rooisbosch), which is a South African drink. My solution has to give a number of my friends some boxes of redbush teabags, so that when I visit them, I can have that instead of proper tea. It works quite well, although you need to stew it about twice as long as the usual stuff. I haven’t been drinking tea or coffee after nine at night for a good while anyway, because they give me insomnia.