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Last week my sweet daughter-in-law talked with me privately. She is TBM, RM, married in the temple to my youngest son. She is currently earning her doctorate in psychology. She made the above statement to me and then revealed that my son is questioning, not currently attending priesthood. There were a few tears in her eyes. She wasn’t asking for an intervention from me, she knows I no longer believe either, though I live as a cultural Mormon. She mostly wanted to share some of the ecclesiastical advise she’s received from ward leadership. She is frightened by the caliber of folks who are leaving, even to the level of LDS girls she works with in the YW program. I hesitate to talk with my son directly. His journey, whatever the outcome, he must travel alone. If he comes to me, of course I’ll listen and build on the positive of familial love. I wonder how oft-times this experience is being repeated in the church? We live outside of the Mormon corridor & our community has a wide diversity of belief and/or disbelief. Our colleges here are certainly secular.
We are losing too many members, but I simply have to disagree with the title. There are lots of flat-out brilliant members who aren’t leaving – and some of the ones who are leaving aren’t doing so because of how smart they are. Also, it’s not just the stupid and uneducated and uninformed who are joining the Church. Again, I know we are losing bright people, but I am very wary of characterizations that imply smart people will leave the dumb ones behind. I know that’s not what you mean, george, but it’s what the statement says – and I simply disagree with it.
As Hawk mentioned in a different thread, there always has been and always will be a tension between those who see things in simplistic, black-and-white terms and those who see things in complex, nuanced terms – but “dull” and “bright” are not good respective generalizations for those people. Some of the dimmest people I’ve known see nuance in everything, and some of the brightest people I know see things in black and white.
Old-Timer wrote:We are losing too many members, but I simply have to disagree with the title. There are lots of flat-out brilliant members who aren’t leaving – and some of the ones who are leaving aren’t doing so because of how smart they are. Also, it’s not just the stupid and uneducated and uninformed who are joining the Church.
I don’t think it’s a case where anyone smart or educated is automatically destined to stop believing in the Church sooner or later. Some very smart TBMs never even question the Church and others question it but come up with answers to defend their views and put their doubts on the shelf. Good for them if this approach works in their case.
However, I do think the Church should allow more flexibility for members to think for themselves more and draw their own conclusions instead of telling people exactly what they should believe to the extent they do now. It’s too much of an all-or-nothing attitude in the Church that will end up driving out members who like some things about the Church but just can’t accept some of the doctrines anymore.
As I stated, my D-I-L is very TBM. When she made the remark used as the subject line, there were tears in her eyes. She, of course, was speaking from her educational and friendship level, as well as her calling in a strong Stake of Zion (a leader in Young Women’s). It shocked me for a minute, but I feel her statement is worthy of discussion. It wasn’t said in anger, or as an enemy of the church, but was probably uttered mostly in reference to the husband she loves dearly. She did reveal a rejection by many of his quorum, and the pain he is experiencing as a result. Here’s what I think. Perhaps she is surprised that people she perceives as “stalwart” and “bright” could leave or even question the church. She was speaking from her heart. Perhaps she was led to believe that people who question or leave the church are not as strong/bright/etc than those who stay. Maybe she is experiencing some cognative dissonance over what she was taught (or assumed) and her reality.
Her world may just feel like it is crashing down. It can be difficult when our reality does not match our expectations.
I’m sorry she is struggling right now!
FWIW, I know first hand we are also losing quite a few dunderheads. Not sure the ratio, though. Well said, just me. My own reaction is typical of me – shying away from stereotypes and generalizations that paint groups of people unfairly. That’s all. I didn’t mean to belittle her concern; I only mean to understand how to deal with it – and one of those ways is to recognize its limits and the emotional reaction it represents.
Recognizing that we are retaining and even gaining incredibly bright memebrs is one way to do that.
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