Hello

I’ve been a member my whole life, was raised in SE Idaho and now live in the northwest. I’ve tried to be faithful but have never seemed to be a believer. Prayer has been difficult and finally I just gave up on it never having had what I’d call an answer. Serioius doubts started over 30 years ago when my first wife came home from the library with a copy of Annie Clark Tanner’s autobiography, A Mormon Mother. I’d never looked into polygamy and it’s effects before and it was and continues to be more than a little troubling for me. From there it was just a matter of problems with church history, the Books of Abraham and Moses and other things that have slowly put me in a corner as far as belief goes. I went through a short period about 7 years ago of concerted effort at activity with a lot of temple attendance but it didn’t take. On the surface I’m active, hold a calling, pay tithing and still have a recommend but church, especially if I have to teach, is more and more difficult all the time. I attend a small episcopal church nearby sometimes because at a bad time in my life some friends that are episcopalian took me in. I find a lot of comfort in the liturgy and feel a sense of worship there but it’s just not my culture so I want to find a way to stay LDS and and be part of the church if I can. Mostly I’d like to have people that I can talk to without having to feel on guard all the time about things. So, I guess that’s my story and I appreciate being able to be here.