Moderator Brainstorm Session

Ok, so SMiLe started a thread on Speaking to your Spouse.

This continues to be one of the critical issues people go through, based on what I see on board messages. It is one thing to go through faith questions personally, but it is much more complicated to know how to “come out” to a spouse, or mom/dad/siblings, and also Kids. As you can tell, it is a topic I’m most passionate about…because family is the most important thing to me.

As we discussed before, John could have another Podcast on this subject, and Hawkgrrrl’s idea of making it a StayLDS moderator panel discussion to promote the website is a good one…because that can be one of the great benefits people should know about when they go through this…they can come to StayLDS and work this out until the time is right (or IF the time ever comes) to deal with family.

So I’d like this thread among the admins and moderators to continue to build and develop our ideas on what a Dehlin podcast might cover and what would be most valuable to listeners.

Here were some of the things we previously mentioned we could discuss:

A StayLDS view on parenting and raising kids in the Mormon Church:

A. How to talk to a spouse and extended family (Siblings/Mom/Dad etc.)?

– Talking with your spouse about “new” beliefs (not necessarily lack of beliefs) so there can be harmony in the home between Stage 3 spouse and Stage 4 spouse, and how that can be different if we can get to Stage 5 spouse. (Perhaps reading some articles like Wendi Ulrich together, or the StayLDS essay).

– Parenting with different beliefs (when two spouses are coming from a different perspective). I think we can all comment on this, although I don’t consider myself to be in that situation (HG).

– Impacts of different families’ attitudes and practices (inlaws vs. your own) on your kids.

B. Should we teach our kids the things we are learning as adults? What should we teach our children with the walls of our own home?

– Helping kids be prepared for dealing with others’ opinions (example: we go out to eat on Sunday, YW leaders tell my daughters that is wrong…how should they handle that? -Kevin)

– FSOY pamphlet. Youth standards in general. Focus on appearance (boys – “uniform of the PH”, girls – “modest is the hottest”). Dating definitions.

– Mission prep (or not)

– Missionary work: My daughter came home from YW saying, “They sure put pressure on us that we need to tell our friends about the gospel, but my friends at school joke around that I am gonna convert them to Jesus and they laugh about that. What am I supposed to do about the pressure to be a missionary?”-(Kevin)

– Teen rebellion (either in being uber-orthodox or in being unorthodox); the need to let kids have some freedom to explore their own ideas and differentiate from parents. Frankly, I think a lot of the hand-wringing on this topic is because people are being helicopter parents and wanting to shelter their children. I think our kids will be better off with a little more neglect!

C. How can you handle Church expectations and issues outside of our home?

– Is it OK to skip church and send your kids anyway?

– Introducing new information to kids or just reacting when they find it out some day?

– Baptizing/Ordaining my son or letting someone else do it

– Exposure to ideas you don’t like or disagree with (maybe just have panel share stories or experiences and then talk in general about what they do). Some examples could be: sexism / patriarchy, primary songs (e.g. Follow the Prophet), literalist assumptions (flood, Adam & Eve, OT stories, BOM), political rhetoric (homosexuality, guns, voting practices), Proclamation on Family (and other male/female role prescription), judgmental attitudes among kids or adult leaders (about other members’ behaviors perhaps or about non-LDS), myths/stories such as the frog in the boiling water or false doctrine like seed of Cain/Ham not valiant in the pre-existence.

– Marriage focus messages they hear at church (and chastity / guilt or shaming) for YW and YM

– Early morning seminary (those with teens).

– Youth interviews (are you comfortable with kids being asked about sexual activity by an adult leader, esp girls asked by adult men?)

Let me know if you think there are any other ideas we should add to this list.

We should also think perhaps how we would prioritize the list, as the scope needs to be manageable for what we want to do (maybe Section A above should be handled differently than B and C???).

I just wanted an Admin thread to capture these ideas as we develop where it goes from here. Perhaps it doesn’t become a Podcast, perhaps it becomes an essay we post on the site.

Whichever direction it goes…I wanted a thread to park some ideas as we have them.

In my opinion, it is an important part of the journey we go through. What are all your thoughts on if this is worthy of us doing and what ideas do you have on what to do about it?