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Anne Perry is a famous murder-mystery writer who happens to be LDS. Her books are excellent. I have been re-reading my wife’s collection of her books and came across the following incredibly profound quote, told by one character to another who has identified the murderer: Quote:We all need our heroes, and our dreams – real or false. Before you destroy someone else’s dreams, if they have built their lives on them, you have to put something in their place. Before, Dr. Shaw. Not afterwards. Then it is too late. Being an iconoclast, destroying false idols – or those you think are false – is great fun, and gives you a wonderful feeling of moral superiority. But there is a high price to speaking the truth. You are free to say what you choose – and probably this has to be so, if there is to be any growth of ideas at all – but you are responsible for what happens because you speak it.
You spoke it without thinking, or caring – and walked away. You thought truth was enough. It isn’t. Josiah at least could not live with it – and perhaps you should have thought of that. You knew him well enough.
You had the power to see. You had the words, the vision – and you knew you were stronger than he was. You destroyed his idols, without thinking what would happen to him without them. . . .
A very dangerous game – the ruin of dreams, however foolish. Too often we think because we cannot see them that they do not have the power to destroy – and yet our lives are built upon them. Poor Hatch – such a deluded man, such false idols. And yet we cannot tear them down with impunity. Shaw has much to account for.
Ray, This is a very timely post for me. Last week, I had a conversation with a dear friend who doesn’t know anything about my recent crisis of faith, and I consciously chose not to share with her because of the probable consequences. She was telling me about her cousin who has left the church because he had lost his testimony of Joseph Smith. She couldn’t understand this, thought he was “stupid” and was very worried about his children. I listened intently and gently said, ” don’t worry too much, each of us has our own journey to travel.” Then I changed the subject. I wasn’t only thinking of the consequences to my own life but to hers. If I shared with her some of the facts I had discovered about Joseph Smith that could shake anyone’s testimony, she may have felt that she should distance herself from me because of my lack of faith or it may start her on her own crisis of faith and I didn’t want to be the one who was the catalyst for that. Especially because I haven’t found my own replacement dream yet. I have the starts of it but I do not feel anywhere near to a creation that I could share.
This quote gives some very wise advice.
Thank you
Quote:I haven’t found my own replacement dream yet.
You know, I’ve never put it in those beautiful words before, but that really is the heart of my own contentment and peace – that I’ve found my own replacement dream. It’s not a finished product, by any stretch, but it’s mine.
Thank you. That was wonderfully said.
canadiangirl wrote:Especially because I haven’t found my own replacement dream yet. I have the starts of it but I do not feel anywhere near to a creation that I could share.
I really like this too. I think that is wise to realize that we should be responsible with our thoughts and doubts.Thanks so much for this – it very aptly puts me in my place. I’ve had the urge lately to do this to a particular family member in moments of frustration during arguments, but who am I to do that to others? I’m still working on my own replacement dream, too. 
This is an interesting thread, and I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Having arrived unexpectedly at the awakening of my own dream (so to speak) a year or so ago, I am hesitant to speak with anyone who is clearly in that mode for fear of being the cause of any hurt or confusion associated with loss of faith. One of the dilemnas I’ve faced is not having anyone to talk to about my questions, doubts, thoughts as I go through this process. I want to avoid at all cost being one who would dash another’s faith or plant seeds of doubt, even if inadvertently. As a result the entire procedure has been a very lonely thing for me. I’m struck by how the church is woefully unprepared to deal with members having a faith crisis, or even legitimate questions for that matter.
I’ve been a steady lurker on this site for a while, and while I don’t post much it has been of immense value to me to read others’ views, ideas, and supportive comments in my own quest to stay LDS. So thanks everyone!
abacus wrote:I want to avoid at all cost being one who would dash another’s faith or plant seeds of doubt, even if inadvertently.
I think that is a very charitable approach.
I don’t feel a need to go around crying wolf to everyone in my family, especially those who have no idea where I’m coming from or all the study I’ve done personally over months and months. But instead, this site has helped me work out some questions and when opportunities come up, I am more aware of history and different viewpoints and can respond in a more loving way to a family member or friend who has questions, especially my kids who are learning new things and are very impressionable. I have found that helpful as well.
abacus wrote:So thanks everyone!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, abacus!!!I love this thread too. As you may know, my husband and I are visiting other churches lately. I still attend RS but he wants me to come with him to other churches and find a place he can feel a comfortable support group. He basically feels there is no true church now and so for him it is just finding a nice social network with few demands on his time or money. He likes Christians and wishes he could get a testimony of Christ. As I attend these churches and meet alot of nice people, I do feel like it draws me closer to Christ and the Bible, but it also makes me realize that I cannot believe everything they teach and that many of my beliefs are Mormon. In the Bible study classes I do participate and they have loved my insights and comments. But, I feel like I have to be very careful in trying to share any of my Mormon perspectives like on the godhead, or heaven or hell etc. because it would just lead to arguments. So, a friend asked me this question? What is more important to you, ‘proving your right, or making friends?” Same as in marriage, we may prove we are dead right, but loose the argument. I am still trying to build my dream too. Man, I wish I’d read this thread before last night. Last night over dinner at a nice restaurant, I finally broke down and shared with my DW some of the doubts and struggles I’ve been having and how I’ve been working through them. Like abacus stated, it can be a very lonely path many of us tread in search of truth and peace, but now that I’ve laid everything out I’m hoping I haven’t caused any lasting damage. Very wise words. Thank you Ray! As a former priesthood leader, I also went through the “destruction of dreams” experience when I tried to visit all the people who were less active. I would come home bewildered at all the negativity about the Church, the people who willingly wrote name removal letterse and sometimes started questioning my own decisions as a result. So, think of the same “preservation of the dream” of your priesthood leaders as well. Just because they are leaders doesn’t mean they are necessarily strong. In fact, in some ways their life is even worse because if they have doubts, they can’t modify their behavior to make staying in the Church acceptable, like non-leaders can. They have to live and often say the party-line or else they will be accountable for leading others astray. And they definitely can’t share these doubts with their own superiors.
I like the portion of the Staying in the Church article where it says not to voice your concerns about the Church at Church. I don’t think it’s even wise to do it to other members privately either — even to priesthood leaders. It has the potential to hurt their own faith. Priesthood leaders are also struggling with remaining faithful — I know that, because I was one, and had a trial of my faith right in the middle of my 4 year “term” in such a position. And during that period there was a lot of effort expended with very little results, which made it even harder to stay positive about the Church.
I think that’s why you sometimes see Bishops go inactive after being released. They’ve had to pretend for so long, and the coping mechanisms described in the StayLDS article simply aren’t available to them due to the demands of leadership by example.
So, it’s best to simply keep such doubts to yourself, or express them here for discussion. I’ve resolved that the Church, local leaders, or friends will ever know about my doubts henceforth, and that’s one reason.
And by the way, in destroying other people’s dreams, you end up limiting your own. If you spout off all your misgivings, this will get back to the priesthood leaders — that is an open channel and people are loyal to it. If they know how you’re feeling, they may well NOT extend opportunities to serve even though you might’ve accepted them after your trial of faith is over. You only end up limiting your own ability to pursue and strengthen your own dream.
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