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I’ve been intrigued by reading your stories over the last few weeks. Your various answers to the question “why stay?” seem to be implicit in many of the comments you make, but I’m also just interested in hearing directly from anyone who feels comfortable sharing why it is that you stay connected with the church. Even at my most frustrated, I’ve always been able to see a lot of good in the church, and I’m just wondering what parts of it are most powerful in keeping you engaged. Zinnia, I am totally editing my first response – this is response number 2. For me I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I separate it from the church, however, I see Mormonism as having the potential to be a much more fulfilling religion with a Christ centered approach. Does it live up to my dream. Not yet. But to walk away from it makes me feel like I gave up on it.
I have people in my life who don’t live up to their potential either, but giving up on them seems opposite to how I imagine a perfect life would be. In a perfect life – we wouldn’t give up on each other.
I have read so many of Joseph Smith’s initial addresses and ideas, I love them. I love the idea in Mormon Theology that we selected to try being human. I love the idea that the after life isn’t Heaven or Hell. I love the potential for a personal God, who would much rather be a friend, a mentor, a coach – than dictator. All of that can be found as ideas in our religion.
Because of this slant – I see a more loving God in the scriptures. He’s the God I want and the one I try to promote. That’s why I stay.
Although I haven’t actually attended church in years, I stay because this is the most comfortable place to be. I do believe in many tenets of the LDS church and I now it better than any other religion/church. And, frankly there’s no advantage to me leaving while there is at least some family peace kept by not leaving. I’m not sure that this is what you are looking for but I look at it similarly to my citizenship in the US. I do not believe the US is the best country on earth. I believe it would be hard to objectively qualify a particular country as best.
But it is pretty academic for me. I’m not about to move myself to another country even if it could be shown to be better.
One reason is “switching costs.” Whatever benefit to be gained from the switch would also need to compensate me for the costs of switching.
Another reason is familiarity/heritage. I know and understand the system without even really thinking about it. I have also made investments into my current country that afford me a certain level of entitlement. One example is that my career path specializes in Native American Casinos. I’m sure that some of these skills and training would be transferable but it wouldn’t be a 1 to 1 transfer. Perhaps it is better to stick with what you know.
I have thought about taking my retirement nest egg down to a tropical country with low cost of living and live out my days on a beach somewhere – but by then I would likely have grown children and grandchildren. What is the cost of being so far away from the people that matter most to us?
Now, I could list things that I love about this country/religion but then again I’m pretty sure that there are good things about many countries.
Of course my choice would be made much easier if I were in a country like North Korea. IOW, I find myself in a position of relative luxury where the effort necessary to switch is itself an impediment to switching. I’m a Mormon, will likely always be a Mormon, and that ain’t half bad. Not exactly a recruiting slogan but it works for me.
:thumbup: P.S. Also with church membership, I have found that it helps to reduce the personal religious demands upon my person until I feel that it is sustainable. This might be done by refusing certain demanding calling or making financial donations/tithing in an amount that I feel is fair. You may personalize the version of Mormonism that you will live.
I’m completely at peace with my own view of things – and learning from others. I absolutely love the theology – at least, what I view as the pure theology. Nothing else comes close.
I’ve been an oddball, compared to others around me, all my life – which is related directly to the first reason above.
My children are happy, well-adjusted, good kids – and part of that has been what they have gotten from the Church, with the biggest part being their natures and the balance my wife and I have tried to create by talking openly about where we agree, disagree and everywhere between the two.
I love the vast majority of the people.
I want to help be an agent of cultural change. I don’t want only the most orthodox, traditional, fundamentalist members to be the only voices heard. (I want people to hear my instrument and not just the piccolos.)
I love the principle and concept of temple work, some issues aside.
I’m a people person and a religion junkie.
There are more reasons, but those are the main ones.
Mostly because it does for me what religion is supposed to do for me. I try not to let it become any more than that in my life, and supplement it with other good things in life to keep me in balance (work, exercise, finances, learning, etc). 1. My wife and daughter like it. 2. It would hurt my marriage and relationship with my daughter if I quit or became inactive.
3. I don’t want to confuse my kids.
4. Every reason Roy gave above.
5. I don’t know of any other religion that’s better.
6. I don’t need it to be good anymore. So I can stay in spite of it being a monotonous experience. I serve in the community and that is fulfilling. In other words, I get my service and “belonging” jollies somewhere else, so the church is easier to tolerate and be an outsider within.
7. I think it might be true.
8. I might like to come back some day and be active, go to the temple etcetera.
9. I had a spiritual experience that convinced me to join 20 years ago, and then a few after that which solidified my commitment.
10. People already know me and I don’t have to start over again to manage a whole new set of peoples’ expectations.
I hope to reform the church. Once one leaves and becomes an ex mormon, they lose all credibility and influence they may have with family and church members.
I basically have just decided I’m belligerent enough to become what I detested being accused of…a wolf in sheep clothing….if that is what reformers in the lds are bound to be…I will wear proudly on my sleeve. Reformation before extinction is the only options I can see.
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Quote:if that is what reformers in the lds are bound to be…
Luckily, it’s not (the only way to be seen in lots of places) – and I know what you meant.
🙂 Thank you, everyone who shared. I enjoyed reading them. I sometimes have to sift through the many policies, procedures, non-doctrinal teachings, and history, but I see the Gospel of Jesus Christ in the church. I was in the midst of darkness. I was encircled by the bands of death and the chains of hell, and an everlasting destruction awaited me. Then my soul was illuminated by the light of the everlasting word. The bands were loosed and my soul expanded. There was a mighty change wrought in my heart. I humbled myself and put my trust in the true and living God. I have felt to sing the song of redeeming love. Unfortunately, I do not feel so now. Though I do not feel it much now, I remember when I had a burning testimony, and I do not want to betray that.
I see truth restored. There is power in the priesthood.
There are many awesome people in my ward.
I have had genuine spiritual experiences in the church, and at its best it exemplifies the teachings of Christ. Despite all my misgivings, I think I have often met a better type of person in the church than out. Not perfect, but I meet so many bad and cynical people that it is good to associate with a large group of good ones. I
am part of a community, something which has died in many places.
I feel much more grounded and happy on a deep level with a faith in
Christ. Even though I question its origins, I have a testimony of the
Book of Mormon. Our theology is unique and tackles things few other
churches do.
Living the Word of Wisdom has been genuinely helpful to my health and
sanity.
I like the fact that there isn’t the us and them aspect of the
priesthood found in other churches. Everyone can become a priest, even
the women (in a roundabout way).
There are also certain traits which the church encourages such as
charitable work, and care for our relatives which are beneficial in a
secular sense.
I also agree with CWald. The worse traits of the church will remain if we all leave. We’re not here to remake the church in our image, but to see it doesn’t stray of the path of real righteousness.
SamBee wrote:I have had genuine spiritual experiences in the church, and at its best it exemplifies the teachings of Christ.
Despite all my misgivings, I think I have often met a better type of person in the church than out. Not perfect, but I meet so many bad and cynical people that it is good to associate with a large group of good ones. I
am part of a community, something which has died in many places.
I feel much more grounded and happy on a deep level with a faith in
Christ. Even though I question its origins, I have a testimony of the
Book of Mormon. Our theology is unique and tackles things few other
churches do.
Living the Word of Wisdom has been genuinely helpful to my health and
sanity.
I like the fact that there isn’t the us and them aspect of the
priesthood found in other churches. Everyone can become a priest, even
the women (in a roundabout way).
There are also certain traits which the church encourages such as
charitable work, and care for our relatives which are beneficial in a
secular sense.
I also agree with CWald. The worse traits of the church will remain if we all leave. We’re not here to remake the church in our image, but to see it doesn’t stray of the path of real righteousness.
Yeah. Thanks Kong. I love to hear when it works…from rational people.
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Quote:Beer puts eloquence in an orator, it will make the philosopher talk profoundly… it is a great friend to the Truth… it will put courage in a coward… it is the seal to a bargain… it is the nourisher of mankind. – John Taylor
John Taylor the LDS president?I stay for now because I see more good than harm and because I hope in the end it makes a difference in the eternity. I stay to make a better church for my kids and grand kids. I stay to give more balance to the church as a whole and because I can see that the church is trying. Just look at the issues they are addressing like the first vision and the priesthood ban. I don’t love their responses so far but they are trying and I will give them credit for that. I stay because I like being part of an organization that tries to do good. I stay because I have not found anything better. I stay because my wife wants me to and I love her and want her to be happy and she lets me be me at church.
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