Service: Mechanized vs Intrinsic

One of the sections I have highlighted in the How To StayLDS article says something to the effect, “only you can prevent organizational abuse. Only you can prevent the church from taking advantage of you.” If the church is taking advantage of you – stop it. (easier said than done, right )

That being said, I would much rather put my “shoulder to the wheel” and “sweat out a few sins” than say, go home teaching or the cub scout derby. I enjoy the ward service projects that I can really work up a sweat. Physical labor/service makes me feel good. In our branch, we cut a lot of firewood. I love it, and I cut several cords for the old folks here. it felt good. Last year, I pulled into my yard and discovered one of the families loading up their pickup from my “church pile” of wood. This family has a 40ish year old dad and three teenagers who are all perfectly healthy and capable. They claimed I was responsible to help them with their physical needs since I was the EQP. Needless to say – I told the BP that my church pile is no longer considered a “church pile”, and I will call the cops if any one, including a church member shows up and steals from me. I feel bad for the old folks – but I’m not going to let “the church” take advantage of me “all in the name of god.”

I suffered throught the move today, but was glad I did it in the end. Apparently the family we moved was undergoing some bad stuff — elderly, husband in the hospital, and the home teacher was an ever-so-supportive and good-hearted man who supported me to the hilt when I was a priesthood leader. He genuinely cared about the family and did all he could to make the move successful for them.

This was one time I felt like I was more than just a substitute for a paid moving company. The people really needed the help, and i also got to build a relationship with a famly that had offended me some time ago…..healing waters.

That’s wonderful to hear. It would be nice if the system were never abused, and it’s nice to be involved when it functions the way it was intended.

I think that we have all felt taken advantage of by our ward leaders asking too much of us at one time or another. I now try to limit myself to two moves a year. I usually try to help when friends ask me personally rather than going through the EQ. I tend to get resentful otherwise. But I’m very grateful for the people that can go and help more often and don’t feel resentment.

I understand the urge to move away from the church expected service activities. I don’t participate very much in them anymore. So probably the opinion of me from my general ward body is not that great. But if you asked any of my friends, they would tell you that I am one of the most helpful and reliable people that they know. I just don’t believe in helping an organization as much as helping individuals. It just doesn’t feel as good. But there is a huge overlap also. When I can see that someone is getting worn out or struggling trying to do what the church/ward has asked them to do, I will often try my best to help them. That individual needs the help with the burden of helping the organization. But I find myself focused on the person rather than the task.

Our problem in this ward is that we have a lot of people, but not many willing to do stuff. If people pitched in once or twice a year, it would get most of it done, but the same handful of people are called upon, or there aren’t enough volunteers at all.

So, what is it that is missing? Are Mormons just burned out because their are so many demands made on them?

I think that’s it — that’s how I felt about going moving the other day. I’d moved scores of people in my lifetime. It’s like moving is a sacred trust, and everyone feels entitled to it. So, I resent it.

Also, when you’re active, you get called on to do everything all the time. And if you’re an active leader, you know pretty quickly who is willing and who isn’t. You have needs for the Ward, and demands from the Stake, and its frustrating when you have to do so much all yourself just to get it done.

And that non-LDS church that helped you move — I have to wonder — how many times had they helped people move in the last year? Is it someting that’s expected and something they do OVER AND OVER AND OVERA AGAIN? For them it might’ve been a new experience.

As I said in my OP, when I stop thinking of myself as someone who is locked into the systemized ways we do service in the Church (moving, setting up and taking down chairs, Bishop’s storehouse) and just find my own way of doing service, I feel like I WANT to do it willinglly.

As far as your husband’s active service goes — I hear you on that. I’ve seen people give faithfully their whole life and then they move into a Ward that doesn’t know them. They can be perceived as “net takers” because they happen to be in a phase of life where they can’t serve like they used to. And it can be perceived as a burden on the Ward who hasn’t had/seen the benefit of the person’s service.

It’s sad, but true.

Your post really struck a chord with me, as the community I was recently involved in (for the past two years) required full time, 24/7 selfless service with NO personal choice at all. Since total self-denial and selfless love has been my goal in life for decades, I felt certain that this environment would be most effective in helping me to overcome that reluctance to pour out my life in service to others. From the moment I got up until late at night, I was required to serve others regardless of whether or not I felt moved to do so. I went to bed with a clean conscience every single night for two years because for the most part, nothing I did was self-motivated. I had to die to my personal preferences and “cut off” all selfish desires and interests in order to wholeheartedly serve in this radical way. I truly thought I was living the way Christ called his disciples to live.

Anyway, what I found was that even after two years of this kind of ‘enforced’ serving, I still experienced resistance within myself that no amount of prayer would dissolve (though prayer was extremely powerful in helping me through the most difficult times). There were times when I had to literally cook and clean for 100 people morning, noon and night with only one other woman to help me (7 hours doing dishes, etc.), and I would beat myself up for being so unwilling……but I would confess my reluctance and be forgiven, so I felt like God was pleased with me despite my lack of wholehearted, selfless service to my brothers and sisters.

The conclusion I came to was that it is normal and human to have personal preferences, desires, needs and interests — which means that the reluctance you spoke of never fully goes away. For me, being open and honest about my unwillingness to serve was the most important thing, and still is. Confession is very cathartic and healing. At the very least, it increases the depth of love and intimacy between people (though this does not apply to relationships with people who are not striving for self-improvement or who are not on the same wavelength – I’ve tried ‘confessing’ my inner workings with unspritual types, and they look at me like I have two heads).

I spent a lot of my life seeking the best means to achieve Christlike selflessness, and while I definitely think that it is possible to progress in this direction, I’m trying not to beat myself up for my failure to live up to this high ideal.