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In “ The Face of a Stranger“, one of Anne Perry’s characters says the following to the heroine (emphasis added): Quote:“You have an intense desire, a passion, to make people’s lives better. Be aware that you can truly help people only by aiding them to become what they are, not what you are. I have heard you say, ‘If I were you, I would do this – or that.’ “I’ am never ‘you’ – and
my solutions may not be yours. Remember, my dear, you are dealing with the world as it is, not as you believe, maybe rightly, that it ought to be. There will be a great many things you can achieve not by attacking them but with a little patience and a modicum of flattery.
Stop to consider what it is you really want, rather than pursuing your anger or your vanity to charge in. So often we leap to passionate judgments – when, if we but knew the one thing more, they would be so different. . . . believe me, when I want something badly enough, I have the patience to bide my time and think how I can bring it about.”
There are multiple possibilities for discussion in that quote. Feel free to take it wherever you’d like.
Old-Timer wrote:“You have an intense desire, a passion, to make people’s lives better. Be aware that you can truly help people only by aiding them to become what they are, not what you are. I have heard you say, ‘If I were you, I would do this – or that.’ “I’ am never ‘you’ – and my solutions may not be yours.
I think this is a great reminder of how to truly love and serve others. SD had a good post on the Stages of Faith thread about not pressuring another person to have to be actively involved…that was a good example of this. Not making them need to do things the way we do it, but instead seeing their needs through their eyes and validating their feelings so they can see what they want to do, which is much more powerful, I think.
This is a good reminder for me as a parent also. My kids don’t Need to grow up like me…I just need to teach them so they can find themselves and their own way. That is hard to do, because I love them so much.
Heber13 wrote:This is a good reminder for me as a parent also. My kids don’t Need to grow up like me…I just need to teach them so they can find themselves and their own way. That is hard to do, because I love them so much.
I had a good friend years ago. He was wonderful at adopting the values and perspectives of others when giving advice. He was a Buddhist and of course, I was a Mormon. When I would talk to him about my life’s challenges, he would answer from the perspective of a Mormon. “Well, you think family is very important so why don’t you ……”. Or “But you believe yoru marriage is for eternity, so wouldn’t that suggest that……”. Or, he would look at all important personal variables in my life when giving his opinion saying “well, you’ve had this lifelong dream to be a professional musician, so, based on what you tell me, I think it eclipses your desires to pursue additional education right now. Whenever you talk about music, you get passionate and can talk forever about it; I don’t sense the same passion in you regarding extra education. Why don’t you focus on the music for a few years until you realize that dream, and then move on to additional education later?”.
I try to be the same way when people come to me with needs for advice, like my children. They have their own mental and emotional sets to deal with, and I try to step into their perspective when responding to their questions and queries. It’s hard though, because sometimes you don’t agree with their mental and emotional sets — they aren’t necessarily wrong, just different and harder to accept.
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