Enduring the crisis…

Hi there Wonderasiwander,

Love the name by the way, very poetic. Your story is very familiar. What you are experiencing is quite common — the whole house of cards comes tumbling down, all the way to questioning the existence of God. As painful as it is right now, and we know how that feels, there are great things on the other side, a little down the train tracks. I suggest trying to work on getting out of the all-or-nothing mindset. It’s easier said than done. I also highly recommend you take a look at our plentiful resources on the work of Dr. James Fowler. It helps a lot of us understand what we are going through, and helps us understand why we are different than people around us at times.

Hang in there! You are on a wild and amazing personal journey. Nobody here can give you the new “True” answers. You will figure it out what you need to do, and where you will go. We explore staying in the Church here at StayLDS, and using what we already spent our lifetime collecting. We can act as a sounding board for ideas, a friendly place to share your adventures with fellow travelers. people who won’t freak out or be shocked.

Be kind to your DH. I’m sure you are. It really sucks for them when their spouse starts changing like this… It feels like your whole life is falling apart.

FOWLER STAGE THEORY RESOURCES

Long but great thread here in the forums: http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=557

There are also 5 audio podcasts on this topic available in our “Additional Support Resources” web page: http://www.staylds.com/?page_id=29

Mormon Stories Episodes:

James Fowler’s Stages of Faith, Mormon Interpretation, Part 1 of 3 — MP3 FILE

James Fowler’s Stages of Faith, Mormon Interpretation, Part 2 of 3 — MP3 FILE

James Fowler’s Stages of Faith, Mormon Interpretation, Part 3 of 3 — MP3 FILE

and

Mormon Expression Episodes:

Fowler Stages of Faith – Overview, Part 1

Fowler Stages of Faith – Fifth stage and what it means to the LDS Church, Part 2

Wonderasiwander – Check out the discussions on MBTI as well. http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=568&hilit=mbti” class=”bbcode_url”>http://www.staylds.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=568&hilit=mbti That might be helpful. Based on your description, you sound like an NT (rational type). This is a pretty rare type in society as well as at church (often labelled “intellectuals”) – you will find many of them here for similar reasons to what you describe. Yet, as an NT, I can also state that I really have come to enjoy church and am comfortable with my own level of belief. While there aren’t many people I relate to there (or lots of places), I do realy like some of the unique LDS doctrines that are quite intellectual for a religion (e.g. theosis, degrees of glory, etc.)

I agree with you about the intellectual LDS doctrines. It is another reason why I don’t think I would ever fit in any other church–it would feel like a “step backwards” for me. There are many tenets that I actually believe in, especially some of the “deeper doctrine” that no one talks about anymore. They have helped keep me active and given me hope during this dark time. It is hard for me to believe that those “pearls of great price” were just the result of an active imagination…

If you haven’t already, read the Staying in the Church article on the home page. For me, that article helped me realize that even if the history of the Church, the old doctrines, even the BoM isn’t all true, it’s good overall. When you subtract the bad from the good, you end up with a net profit of goodness, so to speak. And as you’ve recognized, better than most other philosophies out there.

Good for your family, and good for your kids. Let its goodness keep you going to Church as you work on accepting some of the things you’re having trouble bearing right now. Let the parts you find easy to accept continue to help you develop good character by staying fully involved.

I think it was Brian Johnston who posts here as a moderator that wrote a thread called “Is Shrek True?”, which sounds ridiculous at first, but his point was that there was a lot of good to live your life by in Shrek III — such as appreciation for family, for instance, and being content with what you have — even thought it’s pure fiction. Look at the Book of Mormon the same way for now — even if its roots bother you, reflect on the many good passages that make it worthwhile of study and the positive things that happen through application of its principles. Look at it just like any other Book that you value as a source of wisdom, even though it’s not necessarily canon. For example, I think Stephen R Covey’s First things First is a valuable book that I read regularly, as is Getting to Yes (a book on timeless principles of negotiation). I have read them over and over again for the last 15 years. Look at the BoM the same way as you also work through the historical issues you’re having.

And second, try to let this place be your outlet for your doubts and exploration, not Church, maybe not even with your spouse (your decision of course). You don’t want to drag down your husband or hurt his faith. And you don’t want to limit your opportunities at Church when you actually come to “grips” with these doubts and queries you’re having and have overcome the crisis. Keep it out of the Ward, away from your Church friends, and definitely away from Church leaders who may well limit your opportunities in the future if you come across as a doubter or “apostate”. You might also consider keeping it away from your n/m friends who may eventually align themselves with the Church otherwise, and who won’t even try to empathize or help you get back into a state of acceptance.

By the way, I’ve been guilty of all three of these myself and have stopped sharing my doubts with all three places — Church, non-mem friends and also my spouse. I feel better inside as a reuslt, and it starves the negativity so I can just focus on the issues. Fortunately there’s this website here which is NOT anti-Mormon, and also, not full of Standard Mormon Answers (SMA) either. Not always full of answers either, but facilitating a process where you can find your own answers.

Regarding the existence of God. I still believe in Him in spite of my doubts so far. It’s because of the Spiritual experiences I’ve had and no logical arguments at all. I’m not convinced the question of God and Christ will ever be solved based on logic anyway. You might seek a powerful confirmation again on those counts. Sorry to use a SMA, but for me, the confirmation I received when I prayed was enough and is still sustaining me even though I’m doubting other parts of our religion right now.

That’s my advice. I personally like the Book of Mormon and have tried to live my life by many of its principles, and the way I’ve felt after I’ve finished it (like I REALLY wanted to be good afterwards), and the spirit I feel during certain passages seems to eclipse any doubts I have about whether JS wrote it or just translated it, so I may not be much help on coming to a Stage 5 acceptance of the Book of Mormon. But I think the advice above is sound for helping you stay active in the Church while you come to new acceptance of your faith.

Hi WonderasIwander!

I can also relate to your struggles, it takes time but many of us have found that if we change our perspective a bit then some things begin to come into a sort of focus again.

For example the BoM. I really relate to the feelings you have expressed. After I started reading some things by Leonard Arrington, Lowell Bennion, and others, I started to wonder if I was using my “mental shelf” in the wrong way for myself. Instead of holding onto an inflexible belief and putting the question on the shelf, I decided to put some belief assumptions on the shelf and hold onto the worthwhile portions of my belief.

For example: I am perfectly comfortable putting the historicity question on the shelf. The resolution of it is really not important to me at this time. Arrington said something very similar to this (not about the BoM specifically): I don’t care if it is historical or metaphorical, if it happened at some place and time – or in someone’s mind and heart. To me many of the teachings demonstrate inspiration, and I value them for that; even if it is for that alone.

Yes, the implications may support a leaning away from dogmatism and absolutism, but for me my renewed focus on charity and love – the things that I see at the center of what Jesus taught – has helped me to feel perhaps more spiritual than at any other point in my life. Taking this perspective to church has opened new areas of insight to LDS doctrines than I had ever imagined.

Best wishes to you!!

Is it true, is it not true.

I think this question makes a lot of sense from a physical, or reality perspective. Over the past couple years I have come to see it less relevant to spiritual concerns. One quick question:

Do you see any value in the parable? Never mind if some people around you feel the need to tout it as “fact.” I’m wondering about the contemplative, metaphorical value of a well constructed model of life. Can’t we grow personally through pondering and the persuit of enlightenment?

I see the tendency to get hung up on a paradigm. I don’t personally grasp why more people aren’t interested in trying to see something new through a lens that they haven’t picked up yet. “There is more than one way to skin a cat.” Likewise, there is more than one way to view the church, the true/false mindset is only one of many.

I apologize if this comes across as old and crabby, maybe that’s a part of what I’m becoming! 😮