An update and a new calling

what tips do any of you have for maintaining a level of transcendence and avoiding falling back to stage 4?

Find a specific plan for spiritual development. Mine has been my New Year’s Resolution structure. Search for one that works for you until you find it.

About the calling:

PLEASE, accept it and teach according to your own conscience – not making issues of things, but adding your own insight about nuance and personal meaning. Maybe you can quote from Elder Wirthlin’s “Concern for the One” in your first lesson and tell them that you are not going to belittle or demean any of them if they happen to believe a little differently than most others. Then, in your lessons, ask them what they believe currently, validate the points that can be validated and help them see other possibilities – all the while teaching from the lesson manual. It can be done, and it’s really not that hard.

Thanks for the encouraging words Ray, and Heber. If I might clarify my concern a bit because I think I’m not saying what I really mean.

I do believe, as both of you have indicated, that I could find things in the lessons I agree with and would feel good teaching. My concern is living up to an expectation that I believe parents have when they send their kids to church – namely to hear the correlated lesson. I don’t mean that flippantly either. Earlier today I talked to my dad about it. He hasn’t really been terribly supportive of me in my faith crisis, but I know he loves me no matter what I believe and he does respect my opinions. However, he’s pretty “by the book” and very traditional Mormon, conservative, etc. He mentioned this concern that if he were a parent he would have trouble sending his child to learn someone’s interpretation/opinion of the church lesson. I tried to argue there was no other way one could teach, and that everything in the church was someone’s interpretation. But the bottom line is, it doesn’t matter. To him, the kids need to hear the correlated lesson as described in the manual, nothing more, nothing less.

The reason, I think, this is instructive is that I believe he is not unique in thinking that. So my real concern is the potential expectation violation that will likely occur if I do not teach directly as indicated in the lesson manual. Is this a reasonable concern?

Again, I do think it’s a great opportunity to serve, and I would really love it. But when teaching other people’s kids I think it’s a great responsibility to do the “right” thing. Clearly, in our culture, the “right” thing is to teach the correlated material.

But the bottom line is, it doesn’t matter. To him, the kids need to hear the correlated lesson as described in the manual, nothing more, nothing less.

The reason, I think, this is instructive is that I believe he is not unique in thinking that. So my real concern is the potential expectation violation that will likely occur if I do not teach directly as indicated in the lesson manual. Is this a reasonable concern?

No. It is not a reasonable or realistic concern for the parents to have about you. You live in Michigan. I lived there for my first 12 years as a kid. It isn’t Utah County . If the parents want to make sure their children are never exposed to any diversity of ideas or opinions, then I suggest they home school, never let their children leave the house … ever, and cut off all electronic access to the outside world.

Your assumption of what teachers are like in the Church does not seem to match reality to me. In fact, I personally observe that teenagers in particular GRAVITATE toward and listen to teachers/leaders that show a level of realism and connection to the messy circumstances they have to deal with day in and day out as a young adult. Teens have very sensitive internal BS-Detectors. That’s what they are SUPPOSED to be doing as teens and young adults. That is the healthy time to pass into Fowler Stage 4, forming their independent relationship with their world, and breaking away from the world given them by their parents. I can’t think of a better type of person than you, EU — if you can see the good in the teachings of the Church and transmit those general concepts in lessons and your interaction with the youth. You could help them have an uplifting and positive Stage 4 experience (or at least be a small part of that), as they go through this period in their life where they sort out who they are and what is important in their lives as new adults.

A lot of kids roll their eyes at the teachers that are just parroting the lesson manual word for word. “They just don’t get it! They don’t understand us or how it is now.” That was different waaaaaaaaay back then in the dinosaur age when they were young. Aren’t those the classic teen critiques? I am sure we all thought them as teens. Every generation does. MY teenage children do it to me now.

The most effective YM/Scouting leader I have ever seen, as an adult, was in my last ward. The parents always pressured a little to have him removed from his “post.” He would threaten to castrate the boys with rusty implements. He was irreverent and loud-mouthed. He is a convert to the Church, and very rough around the edges. But … he loved those kids fiercely! They knew it, and we had the most YM activity in a long time. We had boys bringing their non-member friends. They had an insane number of real Eagle Scouts (not just pencil whipped). He showed up to at least two juvenile hearings that I know of, as their scoutmaster and church leader, to plead for mercy for a couple of the boys. I could go on and on. He was definitely not “by the book” though.

He will be remembered in their lives though. Not like someone else who just showed up and said “well … here’s the program. Let’s get through it like they want, so we can all go home as soon as possible.”

Hey Eu, back to your point about feeling irritated and cynical at church — I don’t know what gets to you specifically, but for me most of the sources of irritation revolve around some members taking things a little too literally, or to the extreme and out of context from my viewpoint. The way I deal with it is to constantly tell myself that different people have different opinions and that is okay. I realize some of them may be confusing the physical with the spiritual, and I have to be okay with knowing that theirs is a perspective that works for them. I have been “coaching” myself in this way for a couple years now at church, and currently I rarely hear anything that ruffles my feathers anymore.

As far as teaching, I remember thinking something similar to what you said about not wanting to teach for a while – until you sort things out or until the church shows some greater understanding to personal interpretations. For me now it is a little different, I have had in depth conversations with my bishop – and I think he is probably hesitant to put me in a regular teaching calling. I spoke in sac mtg and I don’t think he’s worried about me, I think he just wants that much more out of regular teachers.

That being said I don’t think I would have much of a problem teaching from the manuals. There may be small things here and there I may gloss over, but for the most part I take lesson material for its spiritual value – not caring so much if it is interpreted more literally by class members. It is almost like everything in church is one giant parable to me, the question of how to apply the principles to my life is my focus. The literalness of the “blessings” coming in physical form – or other non-mythical applications to my life simply are not a big concern anymore. I feel like the spirit is working in my life at this point the way it is supposed to according to my understanding right now. Things are good, I live and let live. I wouldn’t want to try to correct others anymore than I would want them to try to correct me. Sure I appreciate new light into a new perspective, but a direct correction – no thanks.

It does take a lot of active thought process. Regarding your question of maintaining a level of transcendence, I would say you have to work hard for a while until it becomes second nature. A faith crisis is kind of like a spinal cord injury (spiritually speaking), when you learn to walk again it is not the same as an infant learning to walk for the first time – it is more complicated than that. It takes a lot of extra effort to get all the signals firing together, and extra effort to gain the level of coordination to walk, run, and play without specifically thinking about keeping your balance (spiritually speaking of course).

“Are you questioning the Bishop’s inspiration?! Heretic!!!”

I heard a comedian say this recently in a routine:

That person was very annoying. They were really irritating me, and they are wrong! But I stopped myself … and asked the question, WWJD? What would Jesus do with someone like that? And then I knew the answer. I lit the [jerk] on fire and sent him screaming to hell 😈

Yeah, if you’re going to be waterboarded, you might as well have ice cream. It might not help in the Pit of Despair, but it works in Sunday School.