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I am a 32 year old woman who is married with no kids. I was brought up in a half active home. I thought I had a testimony at one time, but now I really don’t know. I was active from birth-13 and inactive from 13-27, and now, I am kind of just here. I want to find peace in my life. I keep on messing up and making mistakes and I always come back to the whole “Mormon question” in my life. Do I go to church for my mom, or do I go so I don’t get depressed, do I believe? Why can’t I gain a testimony…on and on and on. Thanks
Welcome R. Harper. Grateful to have you here with us. The best reason to be active in the LDS church is if it helps you become a better person. I know that when I went through my faith crisis I definitely changed my definition of “messing up” and making “mistakes.” Many times I consider mistakes to be great learning experiences. I hope you find what you’re looking for. Hi R. Harper, glad you joined us. I hope you feel comfortable to ask questions and share your experiences, you are among positive people who are supportive. It sounds like there is something that keeps you going back to the Mormon questions and the association of the church. It is good to keep those good things and make it your church that helps you become more peaceful and happy, and allow yourself to do it your way, even if that is different than how others think Mormons need to be.
Welcome
Welcome R. Harper Glad to have you with us on our little journey down the path. Welcome to the community. I look forward to hearing more from you.
R. Harper wrote:I always come back to the whole “Mormon question” in my life. Do I go to church for my mom, or do I go so I don’t get depressed, do I believe?
You could go to Church for your mom or so you don’t get depressed. Those are reasons to go, if you choose to make them reasons. The depression thing isn’t quite clear. Are you saying it uplifts your mood to go to Church? It does for me. That is a reason you might want to go (and it still doesn’t mean you never miss a Sunday). That is a fine reason indeed. If you mean your “depression” is eased because you feel guilty or shamed for not having gone for so long … well, that probably isn’t that healthy and uplifting even when you do go.
R. Harper wrote:I want to find peace in my life. I keep on messing up and making mistakes.
I readily admit that I suck at being LDS. But by that, I mean pleasing everyone and filling their expectations perhaps of how that should be. I am great at being me though, and quite happy with it. I am Mormon. I know that about myself.
On the other hand, if you are doing things that make you feel bad about yourself, it is good to look at that head on and deal with it, regardless of staying in the Church or leaving it. It just is what it is. You either have to change your behavior or change the way you think about it.
Welcome to our forum. Even if you aren’t sure you have a testimony, we are always happy to hear about whatever it is you do have. Tell us about what inspires renews you. Tom
Welcome, R. Harper. Joy also is in the eye of the beholder.
One quick follow-up to Brian’s comment:
Are you talking at all about clinical depression – or just feeling bad if you don’t do what others expect? Did you grow up in a house with unrealistic expectations and the idea that you wouldn’t be loved and “good” unless you never made a mistake? Just curious at this point – and don’t feel like you have to share anything you aren’t ready to share. Sometimes, “That’s none of your business” is a wonderful answer.
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