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A while back I decided that when I returned from vacation (today), I would contact the missionaries and initiate contact with the Church after a five year absence — but when I started to fill out the missionary request form, I started to feel anxious and am now having second thoughts. I think the main reason is that I live with my mother who is against my involvement in the Church and who tends to get very angry and hostile whenever I join a religious group (she has borderline personality disorder). I also just came out of a very controlling religious cult and am still trying to heal from my experience there – so the thought of having more religious control placed upon me scares me a little (even though I have a strong testimony of the spiritual benefits of being held accountable for my actions).
I am also really struggling with the concept of Heavenly Father being a person (rather than Spirit) and the Church’s policy on homosexuality. Should I wait to contact the missionaries until I receive revelation/faith about these things, or do you think I should just “go for it”? I’m not comfortable with the thought of being open about my doctrinal differences when meeting with the bishop and/or missionaries, though I wish I was.
Your situation is not an easy one, but I wonder if you have tried to think of someone “unique” whom you could approach about the Church in your area. I’m not sure the missionaries would be the right avenue, given your situation. However, you could pray about who to contact – someone with whom you could share your concerns and not feel pressured to jump in fully once again until you are ready. Maybe that is the Bishop. Some Bishops are wonderful in such situations. Maybe it’s the Relief Society President – or Compassionate Service Leader – or Ward Mission Leader – or High Priest Group Leader – or a Sunday School teacher – or Bro. or Sis. Doe in the ward. Maybe it is the missionaries. I don’t know who would be “right” for you, but there probably is someone much like those of us here who would understand and help.
All I can say is that you need to take the step when you are ready to do so – when you feel prompted, not through a sense of guilt. If that is now, wonderful; if it isn’t, fine. Work on your own understanding of your own situation, then “do what is right let the consequence follow”.
Thank you for replying, Ray! I don’t know anyone in any ward in my area. Do you think I should just call the local Bishop and tell him I’d like to meet with him? Would you recommend I be totally honest with him even though I don’t know him? I have learned by sad experience that you have to be careful who you are totally honest with in regards to bishops and leaders. Just get a feel for them first by asking questions. You can let them know you are considering getting active in the church again but need to feel safe around a person first before you open up. Ask them how they got their testimony and how they know the church is true. Have them tell you a little about themselves and if they have ever struggled with their testimonies, callings or teachings in the church. You want someone who doesn’t think you are an apostate or sinful, just because you have doubts or questions. Ask members in the ward what they think about the bishop or who which leaders they think are good listeners, empatheitic and compassionate. Test the waters and see how safe they are. Wise as serpents and innocent as doves. I have become much more cautious before I open up to others now. Since, I had a bad experience with this last bishop, I have learned many others have too. But, I have had mostly great bishops so just get to know the people a little first. Kira — I seem to remember you saying you had your name removed from the Church records — is my recollection correct? If so, at some point you’ll have to be open to the Ward Bishop about having your name removed from the records of the Church. At that time I’d have a brief story ready that describes why, focusing on your desire to live a good life and follow God, and your search for truth and meaning.
For now, be honest with the missionaries and tell them about the fact that you had your name removed for the purpose of being authentic and honest. You can tell the missionaries and see what they do — they will probably keep teaching you even if you haven’t opened up to the Ward leadership. Let them know that you want to approach the Bishop at some point after you take the lessons. The missionaries will probably tell him about you anyway through the Ward Mission Leader, and you will have to face him should you want rebaptism.
Regarding your mother. Let’s not make this hard. I’d ask the missionaries to teach you somewhere outside your home, like at a park, or perhaps a members’ home, a study room in a library, or some other place that won’t upset your mother.
Just start with the missionaries and see how you feel. As your testimony returns, and you feel yourself growing spiritually, it will probably become clearer how you will proceed next.
Thank you for all your helpful advice! I took the first step and bought my own cell phone today so I can have the missionaries call without upsetting my mother. I will keep you updated re: my return to full membership as my journey progresses. I may just show up at Church on Sunday without contacting the misionaries or Bishop first and see what happens:) kira wrote:Thank you for all your helpful advice! I took the first step and bought my own cell phone today so I can have the missionaries call without upsetting my mother. I will keep you updated re: my return to full membership as my journey progresses. I may just show up at Church on Sunday without contacting the misionaries or Bishop first and see what happens:)
That’s it — put one toe in the water and experience that for the time being…..let the experience lead you where you should go next.
Kira, if you’re thinking of turning up again, it may be an idea to do so at stake conference as I did. That way you can come and go without being noticed too much, and you don’t have to stick out too much.
Hi Kira, I realise this thread is a little old now, but although as not extreme as yours, my situation is similar in that when I finally return to the Church as a fully active member, it will be my third time (my mum is very anti also..) so just wanted to let you know what I am doing. I am not actually attending church, I would LOVE to and miss it deeply (but that just happens to be the stage that I am at at the moment) but dont go due to still living with my parents. I have regained contact with members who I havent spoken to for some time through facebook and also I was lucky in that a couple of the members had remained friends of mine in my absence. I am spending lots of time with them, the missionaries (mainly on their p-days where they have come around to my house to play footie) and just generally having fun WITH the members but not necessarily on a spiritual level. Of course i am that stage now where I WANT to be on a spiritual level with them and only the other day took a couple fo the girls onto the hills for some scripture study. I have started living the principles again and when I recieve confirmation that it is true and seen the blessings and joy I recieve from it, I start another one and so on and so forth..so its all very relaxed, slow and not rushing into anything.
I remember one of the members telling me that those that have a burning fire blazing away can quite quickly go out, but those that have a small flame and constantly tender to it, burns forever! quite poetic too
Take things slow – just out of interest have you ever been on another forum which deals with plenty of religions. You sound a lot like a member who was there and I am sure her name was Kira..she was into Islam at that point and like you had been through many religions.
I would get your bi-polar looked at, I think you may be looking for something, but dont quite know what it is, which is why you have been through so many religions.
NS2008, I think you have part of your answer there. You know decent people in your ward, which is a start. Many people complain about being in the opposite situation. I am lucky in that this ward is fairly cosmopolitan, so we have a wide variety of backgrounds and viewpoints here. The flipside is that there is a high turnover of members here. With luck, your friends will understand what you are going through and respect your choices. They should be able to support you.
Make a list of what you do and don’t like in the church. Try and make the positive list longer (!) – go through the negative bits and work out which ones are personal experience or can be worked around.
Anyway, I wish you luck, I can sympathize. I’ve only been out the once, but who knows…
Have you tried to maybe pray to see what you should do? I would see how you feel at church and then see how you want to proceed after that. I like SamBee’s idea of making a list of things you like and don’t like in the church.
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