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I thought maybe some of you may be able to relate to the situation I am finding myself in and give me some insight. Back in March I started learning some of the hidden truths about plural marriage. I was visiting a friend and some things came out about polyandry. This is someone who had been struggling with “her testimony” and really wanted to try to “fix” it through dedication to the basics of the gospel. Well with out meaning to I went and ruined that for her. I knew she had some difficulty with some things I said (which actually wasn’t much) and she told me she would just talk to her sister in law who had studied women’s history and named her daughter after one of Joseph smiths married wives. We never talked about it again so I figured that was the end of it. Then just a little while ago a common friend of ours cornered me and told me to be careful with what I said to this other friend of mine. Apparently she had been “helping” my friend but was obsessed with knowing who had talked to her originally and wouldn’t give up until my friend gave my name. In our conversation it came out that I had done research into church history, that I understand much of it is subjective but that I don’t think that keeping one’s testimony strong was more important then knowing the truth. I also told her we sometimes visited other churches knowing she wasn’t going to give up until I let her know where we were going when we were occasionally “away”. It was a bit of an uncomfortable conversation that I wasn’t really prepared for. I ended up sending her an email asking that she not talk to others about it and that if anyone wanted to know something about me they could ask me directly. She agreed except for telling her husband, who just happens to be in our bishopric. She also told me that the two of them were “trying” not to judge me.
Then yesterday I went to the beach with some friends. A friend who is also the RS pres and my visiting teacher (a fairly resent change) stayed a little longer than the rest of the group as did I. Now the conversation I had with her I really did enjoy as I felt completely in control of it but it made it apparent that people are “talking”. The original friend I told you about has only told me about one other person where my name came up and the RS pres was not it.
I never give details of what I know any more and will flat out say “I’m not going to answer that”. I have no interest in ever accepting a meeting from any leader either.
My DH really wants to be honest with his beliefs, which are based on science, and feels it would be the right thing for him to resign from his calling with an explanation. I think I am starting to be ready for him to do that but I don’t know how that is going to impact on me. I’m really not ready for my family to know many of my thoughts concerning the church. I have been subtly saying things to my Mom and would prefer to continue doing that to ease her into learning who I am now. Family means a lot to me and I don’t want to be hurting anyone.
Footing
Hi Footing, I know the situation is disorienting, and becomes even more difficult when you have to deal with other people’s opinions and reactions in areas where they really don’t belong. Take a deep breath, go slow, always try to look for and express the positive side of things. I wish I had something more useful to say. The highway of life has some miles that are “under construction” and very rough. You’ll get through it. The sun will eventually come out. I would say take things slow. Really take time to research the stuff you hear and read. One thing I have really, really noticed in “outside” Mormonism is that there are a lot of axes to grind. There is big tendency to replace old idols with new. Make sure that you don’t convert to “NOMism” a lot of people give certain sites and authors too much credibility. IMO staylds.com is the best site to discuss and explore in relatively calm waters. You will also find that support is fleeting if you don’t tow a certain political or social lines. The most importiant thing to remeber is the people, places, and things you love and bring you joy. Actually I have taken things pretty slowly. I’ve been around for a bit I just don’t always find the time to get on here. I would have to say that the variety of types of people on NOM is quite similar to here. There just happens to be more people on there that have not chosen to continue being an active LDS. I think every one is an individual and needs to make the best decision for themselves and their family. Most of my knowledge I have to admit does come from my husband. With 4 kids to take care of I don’t always find the time for reading (and I’m not much of a reader either). I have done some myself and have also listened to some pod casts as well as watched a few programs or various different subjects. When DH entered his research (which started with CH, lead to Christianity and religion and ended with science) he ended up doing more reading then he had in his whole life. The two of us have come to a conclusion based on our research of various different topics that we know longer agree with certain aspects of the Mormon church. We believe it to be man-made and subjective to the men who have and do hold leadership over it. This does not mean that we feel any animosity towards the church or wish to sever our ties with it. We are just at the point where we want to make personal choices that are not in harmony with the current teachings of the church and are wondering how to address that issue. DH really wants to be straightforward about his views but I prefer a more silent less confronting approach. So what do you do when you no longer feel a connection to an organization you belong to but the consequences of leaving are maybe greater then you want to or are prepared to handle? Also how do you find a balance between the parts of the organization that you still hold dear while not being affected by the parts you are in conflict with?
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