Are LDS church meetings more painful than other churches?

It reminds me of the saying “your ward is like your family” …you can’t choose them, you’re just stuck with them. Of course unless you move.

Wards also evolve over time – their dynamics tend to change more than families. Sometimes things are not so good, other times they can be much better. I have experienced many of the things you describe, but presently I don’t hear much about, or get asked much about what I “should be doing.” Maybe it’s my ward, maybe it’s the way I filter what comes at me. I do hear lessons on HTing, etc. We all need to adapt in the best way we can. For some people that will be adopting a new outlook – trying to be charitable etc. For others it may be more weekend trips to Grandma’s.

From my experience I don’t think our church is worse than others, but I realize other people may have different experiences. Life is messy, that is the reality. But it can also be amazing and wonderful. I try to focus on the good things, there will always be plenty of “mess” to go around, I don’t need to look for it. That’s my intent anyway. Many days I catch myself wasting energy on the “what if’s” and the “wish I coulda’s.”

Yes, it’s more painful. I’ve sat through hundreds of hours of Sacrament and other meetings, and the dull meetings are a deep concern for me.

I’ve also reflected on other Churches I’ve attended. IN the Church I grew up in, they dismissed the kids and had a separate program for them about 1/4 of the way through the equivalent of sacrament meeting. In the LDS Church, when my kids were young, I totally missed what was going on because of fussy children. And it makes it hard for my kids to get the motivation to attend as well. Yes, you get a professional speaker at many other Churches, and often, a rock band or music, or even a professional video — which I think helps transmit the message better. There is a church near my home I go to on Christmas Eve and its always a special experience you don’t get in our Church. The same was true in the Church I grew up in.

In fact, 15 or 20 years ago, I remember a Bishop giving a talk based on an Ensign article called “How to Make Sacrament Meeting Interesting”. If even the Ensign is publishing articles like that I think it’s tacit evidence it’s a problem. There are also bingo games kids do in the meeting to make the meeting more intersting (check off a square is someone says “Restoration” or someone coughs). Evidence again that the Sacrament meeting concept in our Church is wanting when it comes to engaging children.

Sure, you can say “I’m there for the people” but after 20 years it gets old every Sunday trying to see the good in poorly prepared talks, and then chasing around to tell people how wonderful they were when you didn’t get a lot out of the meeting. I also have problems with standard phrases like “When Brother Sorenson called me to give this talk”, or “I’m so unprepared, and I’m nervous” and comments like on our opening post where people share low value-added statements.

As it stands, I’m liberal about what my kids do in the meetings. I let me daughter read books that are spiritual in nature, and have told her when she hits a certain age she has to find other ways to cope with the meeting — no more books. I always have a pen and paper and am doing something that stimulates my mind. People have called me out about the fact that I don’t listen — it happens about once or twice a year from different people who notice my pre-occupation with other things or apparent uninvolvement.

Further, as a Church we don’t invest in improving speaking ability much. Teaching and speaking represent everything we do on Sunday, and yet as a Church, we expect everyone just to suck it up and be spiritual about the boring content ……again, it’s a return to my belief that often our Church expects you to have the spirituality of Mother Teresa or Ghandi to get regular fulfillment in our meetings.

NOw, here is how one well-known member of our Church handled it. He was on a mission in our stake and I was Stake Exec Sec. After Stake Conference, he handed me about 5 notes he’d written to various members of hte Stake who participated in the conference, and asked me to find their addresses and mail them to them. They were also positive comments and humorous to in spots. I was one of the people who got a note. That meant a lot to me, coming from him, and it kept him busy and involved during the meeting. Of course, all the work was on myself to hunt down these people’s addresses and mail them out, but it was sustainable for him personally.

But yes, I think we’ve got a long distance to go to make our meetings better. And less bureuacratic too. When I was a counselor in Bishopric, I got really tired of the laundry list of rules I had to follow to conduct a meeting, which I occasionally screwed up and had a ex-Bishops, High Councilors and others tell me four times what I did wrong. So even from a leadership standpoint, the meetings can be a problem.

Sorry to sound so negative, but after 20 years I am pretty tired of our meetings and how intrinsically uninteresting they have become. My son doesn’t ever want to go and we have to insist now…..thanks goodness for the interaction and small group settings of the other meetings.

I haven’t been to very many churches or even other wards but I do find our meetings painful at most times. I’ve found a great solution. My ipod. I have books, games and even the scriptures at my disposal and most people don’t even see the gadget in my hand. I’m a good multi-tasker and can listen and keep my mind from going crazy by playing with the ipod. I’ve also written in my journal to make my time there feel productive. Some minds need more stimulation I guess. Today I was able to perform a beautiful number with a violinist and vocalist and that made the meeting more meaningful for me. I wish we had more inspiring music in our meetings. More music less speaking (as long as the musical numbers were average in talent) might really help me feel spiritual in the meeting.