On the brink

… I know many people have been through this and somehow are able to do it but I am wondering how.

That is what I wonder everyday as well. It’s the purpose of the site and it has been a big help to me. Hope you find the discussion here of value while you try to figure it out.

I’m like you, would probably be on a hiatus if it wasn’t for my children, particularly my daughter who loves being a Mormon, . I have all this external pressure to stay with it for her benefit when my heart isn’t really in it like it was years ago.

My advice is to forget about the history, and focus on what the Church is TODAY, and the positive impact it can have on your life — and the fruits you’re seeing in your 13 year old, and similar fruits that may well evolve in your other children. If you want the motivational effects of a testimony, then I suggest you pray and ask God if this is the place He wants you to be and raise your children. Don’t ask if it’s true — ask if this is the place you should be right now. There probably is bad history in this organization, but that doesn’t nullify where the Church has landed right now. There are many good things such as structure for youth, rubbing shoulders with people who have high standards and good values, a pretty good emphasis on youth programs, and good resources for families such as family home evening resources and such.

Also, focus on the truth that you find in the BoM and D&C, the way you might look to the writings of a wise person for spiritual nourishment and such. Even if the BoM DIDN’t come from the roots it claims, there is a lot of goodness in it that is positive for your life. Many passages which are teeming with motivational ideas and stories that provide good sources of reflection on what it means to live a good life.

Also, don’t beat yourself up about not being necessarily authentic with everyone — recognize that holding your tongue, or sidestepping certain lessons (if you’re a teacher or leader) that you don’t believe is normal for many of us. I’m that way….testify of things that you really believe — such as general principles of Christianity, for example, if put on the spot to testify. And serve in ways that are meaningful for you.

This is becoming my prescription for peace in the Church for the time being — until I get another blast of testimony that jars me into a full-believing mode, should God grant it to me at some point.

I realize this advice may well be from my own experience and not necessarily resonate with you — and that’s OK. Welcome nonetheless — looking forward to hearing your experiences.

Welcome to the community! Glad to have you with us for the ride.

I agree with so much of what has already been said. Great advice!

I feel like that scene in the Matrix where I can take the blue pill and see reality or the red one and go on living a mirage. When I start really thinking about things I see my whole religious reality crumbling if I start looking into the real church history. This is a very scary and stressful place for me to be. I wish I would have pursued my doubts and questions more thoroughly when I was 23 instead of now 20 years later.

I’ll add my $0.02. Yeah, it does feel like that — like taking the blue pill. I’ll add this challenging concept. Maybe your religious life should crumble (slowly, don’t make it a true existential crisis). The important perspective that a lot of people might miss is this doesn’t have to be negative. Just because our way of seeing the world wasn’t as sophisticated and nuanced as the underlying reality, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a useful and valuable way of living.

Perhaps now you are on the edge (the brink) of a very positive spiritual growth. Many of us experienced that lack of feeling spiritual and nourished because our old way of experiencing the spiritual world was no longer working for us. The change was good. I can speak from my own experience. I feel MUCH more spiritually connected, happy, and like my religious life makes sense … after letting go of my former dysfunctional expectations. I’ve never felt closer and more in touch with God, while no longer really “knowing” what God is precisely.

We tend to talk about the Church being useful, valuable and full of opportunities; and not so much about figuring out whether it is absolutely “true” or not.

I highly recommend checking out our Stages of Faith resources, material based on the research and works of Dr. James Fowler: http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=557

I am also a big fan of Joseph Campbell, who explores the purposes of myth and religion, and the value and vital role it plays in our lives. A good introduction is “The Power of Myth.”

Feel free to bring up questions about Church History and doctrinal development here too. Many of us are very familiar with these topics, and have managed to integrate a more realistic understanding of history into our practice of Mormonism. The more complete and full history is an issue for a lot of members that come across it. It tends to be a bit of a shock, but that is mostly due to the contrast of the overly simplified version we experience in church classes and study materials.

I like what Brian said about your journey potentially being positive. While I definitely had what I’d call a “faith crisis” in 2002, the defining moment was a “faith explosion” in 2003. I think something like that is worth anticipating.

Anymore, I don’t find the LDS Church and religion as a whole particularly impressive. But that doesn’t mean it’s a particularly bad church either. It has big negatives and positives. And it’s my church. I’ll just list a few positives (again, I’m not claiming they add up along with the negatives to anything particularly impressive, but they are nice):