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When I was younger, I was very much oriented toward the needs of other people. Then, when I got involved in the Church heavily in leadership positions, I found my time stretched to the point of breaking, and I got less “charitable” so to speak given all the administrative demands. It got to the point I only reached out to people “so much” because invariably, taking an interest in other people’s lives would lead to something else I had to do, and I didnt’ feel I had time. Delegating these tasks was also a burden since you normally have to ask 5-10 people to do something before you can get one willing person in our Ward. I’m no longer serving in a heavy calling — just a lightweight one. But I have this lingering attitude now where I avoid reaching out to people at all for fear it’ll lead to something I have to do that I don’t WANT to do.
I still have twigs of conscience where I say “I should go over and ask that person how such and such a problem or event in their life is going”, but then, I have this pull-back mechanism inside which tells me “no”. The reason? My reaching out and caring might lead to me having to do something time consuming and I shrink from those days when I was so busy I was miserable. It’s as if I want to keep my schedule as empty as possible.
It does bother me now and again. As a family, we don’t serve people for the sake of pure love or service anymore — it’s always related to our callings.
A couple weeks ago, this bothered me so much I did a FHE on service. Then myself and my two kids found a dirty bus stop cluttered with garbage and such, and cleaned it up. It took about 45 minutes to collect up all the stuff we needed (bags, gloves, pic-sticks) and drive there and do it. It was “yucky” in spots, like when we found an old luggage/wardrobe carrier that was full of cockroaches abandoned next tot the bus stop. But my son asked me a week later if we could do another one, and even found another bus stop for us to clean up. That project is pending…
Now, this is a step in the right direction, but it was a sort of impersonal form of service that we could abandon half-way through, or at any time, and it took very little time.
So, back to my original question — have you ever felt like you don’t want to reach out to people for “fear” it might lead to something time consuming you have to do, or simply something you dont’ WANT to do, but feel obligated? In my view, this attitude isn’t really charitable, but at the same time, shouldn’t there be some instrinsic desire to serve other people for it to be truly meaningful and sustainable? And not just something you feel you HAVE to do because you’re a leader or part of the community? How do you get this intrinsic desire to serve others even though it’s inconvenient and sometimes even a burden?
SilentDawning wrote:So, back to my original question — have you ever felt like you don’t want to reach out to people for “fear” it might lead to something time consuming you have to do, or simply something you dont’ WANT to do, but feel obligated? In my view, this attitude isn’t really charitable, but at the same time, shouldn’t there be some instrinsic desire to serve other people for it to be truly meaningful and sustainable? And not just something you feel you HAVE to do because you’re a leader or part of the community? How do you get this intrinsic desire to serve others even though it’s inconvenient and sometimes even a burden?
Yes, I think we have all felt this way before (unless we are Pres. Monson) and it looks like you have discovered the same approach that I take with my children… I focus our service on needs outside of the church. I do this for many reasons… Most importantly to teach my children that there is a great big world out there and we are all a part of it. Everyone, no matter who they are, needs our compassion. I have also realized that EVERY service project my kids have ever participated within our ward has been to serve other member of our church (or serving the dead via monthly temple baptisms)… it’s good for them to mix it up a little. Also, as far as cleaning up bus stops… no one expects you to keep coming back and maintaining it. If you choose to… it would be purely out of the spirit of service. (awesome idea btw)
Funny thing is… I do so much (unseen) service outside of my ward with my family, but rarely sign up when the service sign up sheets get passed around in RS that I am sure I am seen as a slacker. What is most important to me is that my kids see me serve, and they are growing up with a love of service, and an awareness of the needs of the big world around them, and everyone in it. Plus… serving on my own terms, and not because it is expected of me, keeps me from burning out. It also keeps me excited about serving more!
Quote:I have also realized that EVERY service project my kids have ever participated within our ward has been to serve other member of our church (or serving the dead via monthly temple baptisms)…
My thoughts have pointed in this direction before — at different times in my LDS journey I’ve seen things we do classed as “service” when in my view, it’s simply serving the needs of our organization. Yes, I suppose you can look at sharing the gospel as service to others, but given some of my experiences, I also see it more as a sales and recruiting thing. Sorry to say it…I know many people turn their lives around as a result of the gospel, but at the same time I’ve often seen myself as a part of a big sales organization that generates tithing dollars (the thought has occurred to me, and then I banish it until it returns again).
Based on your comments, I feel encouraged to keep looking for community service opportunities outside of the Church. I like what you said about helping kids see they are part of a bigger world with its own needs, outside of the Church. There is a book I read over and over again called “Why Good Parents Have Bad Kids”, written by a man who founded a string of group homes for wayward kids. He interviewed a ton of professional parents paid to run these group homes. He cites one habit of highly effective parents is their ability to help children see they are part of a larger community. And that community is larger than our Church.
At the same time, I don’t know if it’s selfishness or just burnout that I don’t feel like reaching out to others in our own LDS community for now. I remember a recently released Bishop who suddenly was more outgoing and caring after his release. I mentioned it to a friend who said “it’s much easier to be outgoing and friendly when such behavior doesn’t carry with it the obligation to fix everyone’s problems” or something similar. Perhaps that’s what I’m experiencing since my release a while ago from my leadership calling…the effects are still lingering.
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