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I will first start off by saying I have had positive experiences throughout my life as a home teacher. I have also had positive experiences being home taught by others. What bothers me currently is the fact that I have a home teaching companion that doesn’t seem to care at all. Once again, I feel like I am the only one that is conscientious. And to say the truth, I don’t want to do my home teaching with someone that doesn’t really care about it. I get home from work and I am completely exhausted, it is dark outside and I don’t want to bother anyone before dinner when they get home from work, during dinner, or after dinner. I don’t home teach on Mondays because it is FHE. I don’t home teach on Fridays because that is time to unwind, I don’t home teach on Saturdays because that is family time and project time. I don’t home teach on Sundays because I have late church. So schedule wise it just doesn’t work out. The family I have is pretty active in the church and I have home taught them at least once in the last six months and I talk to them practically every Sunday at church. So, I was wondering what really is the incentive. Do I home teach for a “number?” Do I home teach for my own ego? Do I home teach out of guilt? (I don’t feel guilty for not going, is that wrong?) What do I do?
I felt terrible after a priesthood meeting a couple of weeks ago. The focus was home teaching (I guess numbers are down). I shared great experiences about it and I also mentioned how Home Teachers helped me. But, the meeting rubbed me the wrong way, and I felt bad about myself like I was a failure for not being even 80%. I did try last month, but no one was home. What do you do? Sometimes I just wait until the circumstances improve. I think when I try really hard and don’t yield new results, why even bother. Oh well, try better next time. Does anyone feel the same that I do?
It might help to change your perception of “Home Teaching”. It helps to view home teaching as a process not an event.
Stop seeing it as something that can be counted and quantified. When talk of home teaching numbers or percentages get tossed around, let it go in one ear and out the other. Going out home-teaching because you feel guilty is ridiculous and can come across as insincere. When someone calls you to ask if you “did” your home teaching, ask them what they mean by that. Ask them what are they talking about. Tell them that if they want to know about the family(s) you are called to watch over (besides your own), you’ll be happy to share anything that’s not confidential. Tell them that you view hometeaching differently than others might and that you don’t feel like it’s an event to complete once a month. Sometimes you might visit them several times in a month. Sometimes you might not see them at all for a month, and that’s okay. If you don’t want to cause too many waves, just report that you “did” it or “didn’t do it” when they call to ask, but don’t let that affect your new vision of what home teaching means.
When it becomes a process not an event you start to see the point, which is a program set up within the church for people to help people. Ideally, everyone would help everyone already, but that doesn’t always happen very well, so the church set up this program so that every person within the church has at least another couple of men and another couple of women looking out for them and helping them out. It’s a pretty cool concept, I think. Can be really mismanaged and misinterpreted, however.
Don’t view your companion’s apparent lack of caring with true lack of caring. Who knows why he is reluctant? I’d just talk to him and express your new ideas on what home teaching is and let him know that if he doesn’t want to accompany you when you visit them, that’s fine with you and you wouldn’t think any less of him. Ask him for ideas on how to help the family(s) you are assigned to look after. Sometimes you might be assigned a family that really doesn’t need much in the way of help. But, everyone appreciates more friends (if it’s natural and fun–not forced and stilted). Get to know your family(s) and what they do and what their kids do and then the help and friendship will probabaly come more naturally.
Sometimes it just doesn’t click, and that’s okay too. It’s probably good for us to try to increase our circle of friends and get to know different kinds of people, even if we don’t become real friends.
Finally, I’d tell everyone to keep perspective. The most important family you need to watch over is your own. Maybe your companion is doing all he can just to watch and help his own family and can’t think about others right now.
The new handbook indicates that letters and phone calls can be made when there are insufficient resources to see everyone. Personally, I used this interpretation long before the new handbook when I was HPGL, and extended it to mean a phone call or letter if the family wouldn’t make themselves available .
I decided a long time ago that I would not shoulder the pressure of home teaching after I had made my best effort. Call your companion and arrange a time. If he’s not available then go alone. If they are single sister, then make the visit at the door and don’t go in, unless you’re comfortable with a sit-down visit in her home alone with her. I have one in that situation, and she is 10 years older than I am and the “no visits to single sisters alone rule” is ludicrous.
Call your families to set up an appointment. If they won’t set a time you can both make it, then drive by and leave something at the door indicating you are there for them and made the visit, and call it done.
Then report your efforts to your priesthood leader without being asked. Tell him the level of contact you gave them. When I was an HPGL (both times), I really appreciated people who tried their best.
Don’t get locked into the numbers game. HT is not an outcome based measure — it’s a measure of how much energy is being put into home teaching, and has nothing to do with results (such as activation etcetera) — they aren’t even measured on the home teaching report. So, don’t feel guilty about it and enjoy it as much as you can.
I invite my HT over in jeans if he wants to see me that way. I’m considering asking my families if they want me dressed in a tie and slacks, if they say “No”, I’m going to come as I dress casually in the future.
In my view, HT is a tired, worn out program that needs a bit more revamping so we don’t end up teaching hatred of home teaching.
Talk with the ones who are active at church – with the explicit understanding that it is the only way you can communicate with them about their needs face-to-face. Then count it as HT. Call the ones who aren’t and talk on the phone – if they will let you. Then count it as HT.
Just be upfront with the person to whom you report about what you are doing and why. If they don’t accept that, it’s their issue – not yours.
Quote:then drive by and leave something at the door indicating you are there for them and made the visit, and call it done.
This is how all of my visiting teaching is done. I do it by myself and I’m assigned sisters who prefer it done this way. I feel perfectly good about it.
Our HT program is a dog’s dinner. After getting a long talk about magnifying our callings, by someone who is about to be released and go onto another one*, we got onto HT and expanding the priesthood (otherwise the church will die, we got told.) Someone said that he’d never had a visit despite being back 19 months (nor me and I’ve been back the best part of this year) and it would have been good to be introduced to his HT companion and people he was supposed to teach… at the end I said I didn’t know where I stood with the thing, no one has home taught me, nor do I home teach. The guy looked at me confused… Where to go? Saying one thing, doing another. Typical of our church sometimes, unfortunately, but for all the good intentions.
* Nice guy, but not with it on this!
I thank you all for your reply. I will adjust my perceptions and “do what I can.” I am finally happy that my motivation is doing what I know I can do, and not going beyond just that. Thanks again, Jamison
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