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I’m a 5th generation Mormon of a handcart pioneer who, by the way was a polygamist. I served a mission, met a non member in Utah baptized her, married her in the temple. Several church callings leading up to EQP and then the bishopric. By this time I felt that I needed to be a stronger member. I was reading the scriptures, watching church videos, praying, doing very well, I thought. Let me just add that up to that point in my life I thought I knew most of the “lies” used by enemies of the church to dissuade members from their faith. About 3 years ago I was intrigued to see so many official church postings on youtube, I stared watching them. There was one called “The lost book of Abraham”, excited I began to watch. About 35 minutes into the video I started to understand the message of the video and the strength of their argument, if you haven’t seen it, you should. Let me just say that Joseph Smiths translation of the Egyptian facsimiles is completely wrong not even close. Which begs the question, “What else did Joseph Smith get wrong?” I asked other members hoping to learn that the information I learned in the video was not true. No answers came from members and the more I searched and learned the more evidence I found that the information in the documentary called “The lost book of Abraham” is true, in fact some well know church members have acknowledged the same. There are only so many holes you can shoot in a parachute before it no longer serves to slow your fall. I began to reexamine the many ugly chapters in church history and found a few more to add. I was in a free fall for almost 2 years– ask my wife what that was like– hint- starts with an “H” and ends with “ll”. When people would stand in church and say, “I KNOW ………THIS IS TRUE”, I would think to myself, I thought I knew. As each week passed I hated going to church the more. When I would go, and they would start with the brain washing I would get very upset! I would want to burst out, “Hello, he drank wine, he drank beer, he wrote it in his own journal” So stop with the lies and BS!!! I have a good friend, she is the closest thing to mother Teresa that I know. She exemplifies the pure love of Christ in her life as she teaches preschool children year after year, She is in her 70’s and each year people beg her, “Please don’t stop teaching, you do so much for these children” yet she will be in hell with all the other people who can’t quite smoking. While the 300 lb. member gets baptized, confirmed and a temple recommend because they “keep” the word of wisdom. That good old “code of health” that says it is pleasing to God if we eat meet sparingly, “only in times of cold, or famine”. Well, its cold in the winter but we haven’t had a famine since the great depression and I’ll bet almost every day Mormons are eating meet! I eat meet too, everyday. My point is how we pick and choose the commandments we want to keep. Next, I hate to break the news to the Mormon world, but coffee is safe for almost all people that are not sensitive to caffeine. I have worked in healthcare for eighteen years coffee isn’t killing people!!! The top two killers are tobacco and Inactivity (no exercise, overweight–think of the 300 pounder). Much of what I say is my opinion and if you don’t agree that’s fine, I think it’s a good thing to “think” about what we are told is true and not just walk along quietly with the rest of the sheep. This was my life until Saturday, Nov. 27th 2010 when I found the John Dehlin’s “Why people leave the LDS church, and how we can help” on youtube. Most of you have probably seen it. Its a chapter out of my life. From there I went to mormonstories.org and from there to StayLDS.com. Here I am
And welcome here! What an intro. The anger is no fun, is it? It’s no fun not being able to open your mouth at church for fear of what may come out of it. How does a person like Carol Lynn Pearson do it? Well, it’s simple, really. It’s just a matter of time. We sudden initiates can’t be blamed for lacking the ability to relate. After all, we don’t even understand our new selves, much less how to relate that new reality to the ward and the church. Someone like Carol Lynn or Old-Timer, on the other hand, has already had decades to grow into their skin, to the point that Ray essentially is a llama that thinks it’s a sheep. That’s how comfortable he is.
In other words, it gets better. That I’m already learning after 7 years.
As The DA said recently in another thread — “It’s like trying to putt a round peg into a square hole.” Yeah, welcome to the site. I get it, most of us here do. It’s okay to get pissed – sometimes it helps the healing.
If you haven’t already, I would recommend you read the the feature article,
How to Stay LDS after a trial of your faith,as well as the forum thread that discusses Fowlers Stages of Faith, which is located in the support section. These two source, along with the JD’s presentation that you mentioned have been a great help to me, and we reference them in some way and form pretty well daily. It will help you understand and follow some the of the dialogue as you participate here, and as you work your way through – yeah, you guess it — Fowler Stage 4.🙂 Looking forward to hearing from you more, and I’m kind of please actually to have another antiWoW ally in the camp.
I can totally relate to your intro. I’m ticked off too but I’m desperately trying to navigate this newself without too many casualties. Welcome to the best ward on the planet. I have felt very free to express myself and have found kind, gentle and not so gentle words of advice that have been exactly what I’ve needed to hear and learn. Tom, I laughed out loud when I read “decades” and 7 years. I’m just a baby at this and I’m not really looking forward to the process of growing up. I’m going to try and enjoy the ride but I’m telling you if I get any more well-intentioned seminary teachers sending home well-intentioned talks by well-intentioned GA’s I’m not sure I’ll survive.
🙄 Fatherof4husbandof1 that reference to seminary is just my latest rant. I wrote a post a few days ago if you’re interested. It really isn’t that interesting but boy has my blood been boiling hence me being able to relate to your intro.
Glad you’ve joined us.
CANADA
Hey F4H1 !!! Welcome to the community, so glad to share the path with you. I can related to so much of what you have seen. We all can. It’s OK to be angry sometimes and to feel all those other emotions — baffled, confused, hurt, deceived, tired, bottled up, etc. It’s healthy to feel those things, and to recognize that we have valid reasons to feel that way. But … at some point it is also healthy to move on in some way or another. Being angry forever, that just turns us into an angry and unhappy person.
We have our little corner of the internet setup here, the StayLDS ward, where we
CANtalk about all these issues in a constructive and positive way, where nobody is going to freak out, and even if we don’t have all the answers we can at least openly talk about exploring solutions or reconciliations. canadiangirl wrote:..but I’m telling you if I get any more well-intentioned seminary teachers sending home well-intentioned talks by well-intentioned GA’s I’m not sure I’ll survive…
…so help me. Right?
😆 So. You’re not sure you’ll survive. That’s okay. The worst they can do is kill you off, right?
😮 Tom, cwald, Canadiangirl, and Brian; Sorry about all the anger, and thank you for understanding. I just haven’t had anyone who has the LDS history to understand how bad this hurts. Great advise, with time I am determined to “rise above this” doubt. Yes, I love the song, its by Sether. By the way I am the worlds worst speller, sometimes the spell check helps. I will do a better job of controlling my anger in future posts. Brian I love the shortening of my screen name “F4H1” sounds like a virus. Is that prophetic, or just sick? Anyway I love it! Thanks again
F4H1
Fatherof4husbandof1 wrote:I will do a better job of controlling my anger in future posts.
Why?
Please don’t, on my account. Just be real. Just be honest.
cwald wrote:As The DA said recently in another thread — “It’s like trying to putt a round peg into a square hole.”
I think it was Cadence that said that but I definitely agree with the analogy.
Fatherof4husbandof1 wrote:…I felt that I needed to be a stronger member. I was reading the scriptures, watching church videos, praying, doing very well, I thought. Let me just add that up to that point in my life I thought I knew most of the “lies” used by enemies of the church to dissuade members from their faith. About 3 years ago I was intrigued to see so many official church postings on youtube, I stared watching them. There was one called “The lost book of Abraham”, excited I began to watch. About 35 minutes into the video I started to understand the message of the video and the strength of their argument,
if you haven’t seen it, you should. Let me just say that Joseph Smiths translation of the Egyptian facsimiles is completely wrong not even close.Which begs the question, “What else did Joseph Smith get wrong?” I was in a free fall for almost 2 years– ask my wife what that was like– hint- starts with an “H” and ends with “ll”. When people would stand in church and say, “I KNOW ………THIS IS TRUE”, I would think to myself, I thought I knew. As each week passed I hated going to church the more. When I would go, and they would start with the brain washing I would get very upset! I would want to burst out, “Hello, he drank wine, he drank beer, he wrote it in his own journal” So stop with the lies and BS!!!I can relate to your story. The Word of Wisdom really bothers me too for pretty much the same reasons. It seems so ridiculous to see so many Church members basically want to condemn and shun people as “sinners” for drinking or smoking when Joseph Smith himself continued to drink beer and wine after recording this “revelation” that this is based on. It doesn’t make any sense and reminds me too much of the Pharisees to try to defend or justify it anymore in my opinion.
I would suggest this video about the Book of Abraham you mention to my wife but she doesn’t even want to consider the possibility that maybe the Church isn’t exactly what it claims to be even though she judges me for not believing in it anymore. To be honest, I didn’t really want to face these problems either which is one reason it took a long time for them to really sink in for me.
I stumbled onto some anti-Mormon propaganda on my mission that talked about the Book of Abraham translation and Joseph Smith marrying other men’s wives while they were sent away on missions, etc. It shook me up for a few days but after that I tried to deny it and mostly just shrugged it off as mostly anti-Mormon lies. After that I had no interest in looking at any anti-Mormon propaganda again for years until I started reading the scriptures in detail again and ran into more problems so then I started to look for answers from various apologists and that was really the beginning of the end for me. Anyway thanks for sharing your story it was interesting to hear.
I would have commented earlier, but I lost my cane and bi-focals. It took me longer to get to the computer than normal, and I can’t see to type very well. Also, my llama neck is a bit too long for this computer screen that was built for a sheep. :crazy: 😆 Welcome. It can get easier (and even, eventually, easy for some people), but it does take time.
When toddlers learn to walk, there is a lot of falling down – hopefully on their butts, but occasionally on their faces. The issue for many members is that they don’t have role models and support systems in their struggles to teach them how to land on their butts – and falling on their faces so many times is a bit too painful to see the end as worth it.
So, my advice: Read here to learn how to land on your butt for a while, then work on not falling down as you gain your balance and learn to walk independently.
Welcome, F4H1! You have come to a good place with good people and sage advice. I haven’t been on here much longer than you, but already it is SO nice to have people that understand where you are coming from and has great suggestions to help you through the spot you are at right now.
Anger is part of how we deal with things that have gone against everything we have ever been taught. So let it out so you can put it behind you. Nothing good comes from holding it in.
How has your wife taken all of this? Is she supportive of you and the things that you are experiencing?
cwald, Ray, you guys kill me!
😆 Or perhaps this may be your fall into grace…. I too welcome you to our little group.
You didn’t say much about your family and I can respect that. For their sakes, don’t make any sudden movements. Truth is elusive, but people are real – and some of them are depending on us to help them form their worldview or assumtive reality.
This reality (the assumtive reality)
is not truebut it isa necessary framework with witch to build happy, productive lives. As a father myself, I know that you want that for your children. Again welcome
:wave: Welcome F4H1!! 
One more thing to add: I don’t think you are falling from grace, like the title of your intro suggests. You are falling into a new grace. It’s just a different time in your life, and you are following your natural course.
butters Butters wrote:How has your wife taken all of this? Is she supportive of you and the things that you are experiencing?
butters, My wife watched John Dehlin’s “Why people leave the LDS church” on youtube with me. I told her it would do a better job of explaining what I was going through. I guess I’m lucky, she really isn’t to freeked out by it all, but she is very uneasy by the uncertanty of it all. The kids don’t know yet, but I’m not going to let them get blind-sided like I was. I just want to be careful about how I go about it.
f4h1
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