Genie in a bottle

First, I made it back to True Believing Mormon status after a 7 year trial. So, I think it’s possible to go back, and quite honestly, I think I’d rather be there right now than where I am.

However, yes, I’m finding it harder to go back to TBM status this time. One strategy is to avoid angst-producing activities, if you have any that get to you in the Church. I sometimes will leave lessons if I find they are too much for me, if I can get away without appearing to grandstand.

Reflect on the goodness of the Church — don’t let the things that bother you cover up the fact that you’re associating with good people and that you’re passing on good values to your family. There’s a lot of merit in that.

Start searching for reasons that you truly feel good about for contributing to the lives of others. You can contribute a lot to people in your tribe without going doctrinal. I have started teaching a young girl how to play a musical instrument, as an act of service and I feel good about it all the time now. The only Church connection we have is that we are both members. I also trained a group of young adults and youth to do something a while back and it was fun, and non-doctrinal. Look for ways to help others without putting you in a position where you have to confront your beliefs.

Also, be careful you don’t absorb too many ideas that create further challenges to your commitment. That has been a problem for me in my Internet search for support. Some sites I decided not to go to because they were to far off the mark I wanted to land on, even though they were supposed to be pro-LDS. And even on sites that are Ok, I have to be careful I don’t absorb thoughts that aren’t currently challenges I’m facing — they can create new ones!

Also stop expecting the Church to live up to the high expectations that come from its claims to truthfulness and inspiration etcetera. That’s liberating.

Focus on improving your character in the context of the Church, and that will mean holding your tongue at times, and continuing to treat others with different perspectives (even ones that you find annoying) with respect.

Now that I’m here, I understand that a lot of the expanded ideas and convictions, cannot permit going back, at least in the sense of where I was once. A more apt metaphor is trying to stuff the genie back into the bottle. I am never going to be able to look at church history, the endowment, key doctrines, culture the same as I did ten years ago. I suppose that is a good thing. The repentance metaphor doesn’t really apply as I see it; I am really living more in line with Christian, and even church teachings than I ever have.

A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.

— Oliver Wendell Holmes

Sort of seems to fit. There’s no going back — only forward. It can be frightening (and exciting), especially if there are others close to you involved.

You’ll never be exactly the same, but don’t beat yourself up about it. View it as part of your growth. It’s not entirely a bad thing.

You’re not supposed to put the genie back in the bottle. It grants your wishes!

You don’t go backwards. You go forwards, back inside the building (if you want to).