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I have another question. Part of my problems with staying inwardly active stem from what I see in uncommitted Wards. One thing that kind of wore me out was the constantly trying to start initiatives, never to see them bear fruit. Or, even worse, seeing them wither on the vine due to lack of commitment from people, or their unwillingness to follow through on things they agree to voluntarily. There is so much to accomplish in this life, I eventually got fed up with it. Plus I was overworked with job, family, and leadership commitments. Now, my wife, who has been an uber-committed TBM for her whole life, is starting to get that way. Last Sunday she left me with my kids in sacrament meeting and just plain left and went home. She said she couldn’t handle it. She’s talking differently now than she ever has before, saying she is TIRED of being the one who does everything. She delegates, but people don’t show, don’t call, don’t follow-through. She started citing how she is there when she’s sick, tired, not happy, etcetera, and has grown absolutely tired of attending meetings that in the end that don’t really matter. She’s attending baptisms, responding to Stake demands, and is just plain tired of it.
This wasn’t the case when we lived in real committed Ward. I was semi-active, and she was active when we moved into the Ward. But two times at Church and we were ENGERGIZED. People DID THEIR CALLINGS and it energized us. Move into an uncommitted Ward, and you find yourself up against a wall in trying to get things done…and a lot of effort is expended with very little return on investment in the form of results.
Have you had this experience — and does the commitment of the Ward matter to you in any way, or affect your activity?
I think both ends of the spectrum are difficult. When people are too complacent and don’t pitch in, you can feel like you are unappreciated or the only one making any effort and for no gain. When people are too committed, you can feel underutilized. It’s important to strike the right balance between feeling needed and feeling used. Our uncommitted ward is having a HUGE impact on my family. Not only is there a lack of commitment, there is a great lack of unity. For the first time in the 9 wards I’ve lived in over my life, I feel isolated from the members around me. The majority of people (including myself) don’t even know each other. I’m very positive and optimistic by nature and have never had a problem fitting in or making things work at church…until now. I see a lack of enthusiasm and commitment when it comes to Sunday meetings, ward service projects and activities. Sitting at church, I get the general feeling that my ward members would rather be somewhere else. I’m feeling that way too. By contrast, I’ve lived in some incredible wards. I attribute the most successful ward to the efforts of an amazing ward mission leader. His philosophy was “how can we ever expect to bring new members into the church when we don’t even know each other.” I sat in many PEC meetings and watched this man stand up for his convictions when the Bishop had a much different approach. Ultimately, the ward incorporated a program where once a month you had a group dinner with two other families that you didn’t know. We came to know nearly every person in that ward, not just as a face we see every Sunday, but as individual people with various interests, talents, and abilities. People became more committed and the sense of unity and acceptance was incredible. By no means was it Zion, but for me, I felt like I was part of something unique and special.
To try and make our current situation better, we’ve invited families over for dinner and other activities. I’ve made a really good friend so far, but my wife struggles to find someone that she can relate to. For the first time, we’ve decided to start branching outside of the church to find spirituality and social connection. Some Sundays we skip church to go hiking or do fun family activities that we don’t have time for during the normal week. We’re looking into community service opportunities and other ways to put our beliefs into practice. It’s hard to know how much effort I should put to improving my current ward when I’m beginning to find such great satisfaction outside of it.
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